(Also available from Starland mirror site)
First, some comments from previous columns . . .
David Starner: In the comment about the military academies, that was all wrong. Our military academies (West Point, Naval Academy, etc.) are totally free to go to, except for obligatory military service. To get the best training, Starfleet Academy would probably be similar to this, thus proving nothing about money in the Federation.
Phil: Thanks to Shane Tourtellotte for sending along this information as well.
Robert Cook of Anacortes, WA: The new fantasy/sci-fi show Honey, I Shrunk The Kids had a Trek reference in a recent episode- the scientist father installs a home security system controlled by a computer, which inevitably runs amuck. At one point, while in the process of attempting to shut it down, the father gives this big Kirk-like speech to the computer along the lines of 'Your primary function is to protect the family. Now you've violated that function and become a threat to the family. Destroy that threat!' This tack appears to work, and the computer goes dark. The father stands there, smiling, then frowns and says, "Wait a minute, that only works in cheesy sci-fi shows..." The playing-possum computer springs back to life and starts firing laser beams at him again..
Shirley Kolb: I have another example of Star Trek parody. This one is from a Christian radio & video program called "Adventures in Odyssey." They did a video entitled "Star Quest" (with Captain Quirk & Mr. Spot.) They also did a radio episode entitled "Hidden in My Heart" (with William Shattered & Mr. Schlock).
Mike Cheyne: Already mentioned, but not really touched on. In "Saturday Night Live", there was a 1975 parody of Trek which featured John Belushi as Captain Kirk, Dan Aykroyd as Dr. McCoy, and Chevy Chase as Mr. Spock. The story is that NBC is cancelling Trek. "George", "Nichelle", and "Deforest" take it fine, but Spock and Kirk are more resistant. Spock's ears are taken, but he still reamains unemotional until finally, he starts crying, yelling for his ears. Kirk still sits in his chair, making a final log entry.
Lots and lots of good MAD Magazine stuff. The original series, "Star Blecch" told the story of how the ship went back to prehistoric times: 1968. The movies were all parodied, as well as "Star Blecch: The Next Generation" where all the old bad guys, Khan, Kor, Mugato, and Tribbles come back to fight Picard's crew. The mastermind: Kirk.
JoAnna Walsvik: Star Trek has infiltrated the newspapers as well!! In last week's Sunday Garfield comic strip, the panel had Garfield watching television. Coming from the television in a little e balloon was this dialogue:
"In the news, giant bugs invaded a television station today! Giant, news-reading bugs! Swat! Swat! Swat! Swat! Swat! Swat! Giant, news-reading bugs, who are mildy amused by attemptsto swat them with a magazine....ha, ha-HAAA! Resistance is futile! Submit, humans!"
Then Garfield says, "Come on, get to the sports scores."
There was also a "Foxtrot" Cartoon that showed the younger boy (Jason?) playing with little Star Trek action figures.
And, the comment below was off an actual "Tonight Show"
"According to a recent study," reports Jay Leno, "ten percent of all 'Star Trek' fans meet the psychological criteria for addiction. Deprived of their favorite show, some Trekkies display withdrawl symptoms similiar to drug addicts. Of course, the real difference is that drug addicts aren't nearly as annoying."
Carrie Sager of Berkeley, CA: Freakazoid! is loaded with Star Trek references, usually connected with a character called "Fan Boy." One time, when all the nerds on earth are being kidnapped, there's a scene at a comic book convention where all the people are crowding around a table with a sign saying, "today only: William Shatner" (or something like that). Fan Boy pushes to the front of the line yelling, "Me first!" He smacks into the table, which bumps William Shatner, which causes his hair piece to fall off. Fan Boy comments, "Oooh, a tribble!" Shatner grabs the hair piece and says, "That's! My hair!" He then places it back on his head. Suddenly, all of the people in the room disappear. Shatner says, "That's! Funny! They! Usually! Don't! Leave! Until! After! I! Sing! Rocket! Man!" Then his hair piece makes a little coo-ing noise.
Another time Fan Boy is in a comic book store and spots George Takei. He rushes over to him, exclaiming, "Oh! George Takei! Sulu was my favorite character on Star Trek, right after Kirk and Spock and McCoy and Uhura and Chekov!" (I'm not sure of the order, and he might have mentioned Yeoman Rand or some one and I just forgot). Meanwhile, George Takei is backing away. Fan Boy starts talking to him and mentions that he's not like some fans, who don't appriciate the boundry between actor and fan. Then some other people show up and Fan Boy hugs George Takei and yells, "Sulu! I'm walking with Sulu!" Then Takei screams and runs away.
In "Earthworm Jim," Jim once performed an earthworm mind meld.
In the DIC dub of "Sailor Moon," Luna does a Luna Mind Meld twice. I don't know what they called it in the original Japanese, mainly because I don't speak Japanese and that makes it much harder to understand stuff in the original episodes.
Matthias Roth: My favorite ST parody comes from the computer adventure game "Eric the Unready". In a certain part of the game the hero (the least successful Knight of the Rhomboid Table) is stranded on the "Constellation Class Swamp Raft NCC-1071" in "Swamp Trek". On the glorious raft are Captain Smirk, an Alien, a Scot, a skeleton, a Zulu and some Indians ("Injuns: Full Impulse"). On Phantasy Island they are captured by the evil Khan/Mr. Dourke and Eric has to free them... "Captain's log. Swamp date 91692. We have encountered a strange life form who is peering at us through a transparent screen while manipulating an imaginary alter ego..."
Andrew Rayfield: Was watching the Larry Sanders Show here in Australia, It pretty much just got here, so It ws like from 1992, but they had William Shatner on the Phone and Larry was going to do A Star Trek skit with him... and one of the writers asked Larry as they all sat round the Speaker phone, to get Shatner to say the Word 'Klingon' They did, and they all started laughing when they 'thought' they had hung up the Speaker Phone, but they hadn't hung it up properly, and when they had finished laughing, Shatner was still on the phone and says to them 'What's so funny??'
It was pretty funny at the time but everytime you 'retell' a joke from TV it doesn't work...
Allan W. Fix of St. Paul: One of the particles mentioned in "Hollow Pusuits" was selgninaem. At a convention, one of the writers said that they just couldn't come up with another meaningless term for a particle, and so came up with this name. (Read it backwards).
Joe Murphy: Someone came over to the MCA Xena forum recently, telling us you may write a Xena Nitpickers Guide. I am both a Trekker and a Xenite. I have two of your books. I'm friends with one of the contributers to the DS9 book. In short (too late), I'm a fan.
However, I'm not sure if a Xenite guide is a good idea, or at least, not if approached in the same way as the Trek and X-files nitpicking is done.
Why? Simply because X:WP and H:LJ are not interested in accuracy. They are not geographically accurate, historically accurate, mythologically accurate, hec, they don't even stick with Greek names. If the show approached Greek mythology the same way Trek regards it's own futuristic mythology, a book showing points where they stumble would be interesting. But, if you were to actually show every instance historical timelines are violated, Greek geography abused, or Greek stories changed, the guide would be several volumes long. Besides, the Xenite's simply wouldn't care.
Plus, though I'm a fan, the guides do one thing that I couldn't stand in a Xenite guide. In the DS9 guide, you make it clear that Odo's shapeshifting defies the laws of the Conservation of Mass and Energy. Then you proceed to bring up the point every episode it happens. At one point, you even commented that you didn't want to beat a dead horse, but... you did. A few page summery of the episodes would have done, but a detailed description of every violation got old.
So, if you are going to make a Xenite guide, please don't go into every time a Roman name is used instead of a Greek one. Or every time a distance is given inaccurately. Or define each time a different currency could have been used besides "dinar." I will go nuts! (and I know you don't want that to happen, do you?)
I know you don't know me from Adam, but, since I will probably buy a Xenite Guide if one comes out, I just had to get this off my chest.
Phil: The saga continues . . . ;-) (Please see my comments in the 10/24/97 column for more details.)
Allan W. Fix of St. Paul: As long as you're discussing the stuff in the opening credits of DS9, I'd like to mention something for the newer readers of your web page. Since you (Phil) are the only one so far to back me up on this, I'd like to see if anyone else will verify it.
There are hidden pictures of the Classic cast in the comet's tail as it whizzes by. They begin immediately after the comet first goes off the screen. I've been able to make out Kirk, which morphs into Spock, and a few frames later a definite image of Uhura.
The best way to see it is to tape the opening at EP (6-hour) speed. Actually, the LESS crystal clear the picture, the easier it is to see. Freeze frame through the sequence, and eventually the particles coalesce for a frame or two into the pictures of the characters. (This is much easier to point out in person, but I discovered it with no help, so others should be able to, also...) The images are ones that have been commonly published. Spock is looking up and to our right, and Uhura is at her console, slightly turned. Kirk (and others that must be there) are more difficult to discern.
It's not one of those crazy 3-D blur-eye images, either. Once you see it, you'll wonder how you ever missed it in the first place!
Phil: I testify! I do see Spock. Not sure if it was intentional but I do see him! I have had difficulty however with the others!
Michael A Deeds: I hate to keep beating a dead horse. However, consider this quote from Sci-Fi Universe magazine #23 (April 1997) from the article 'Worst Contact - How Continuity hurt Star Trek VIII' by Robert M. Burnett & David J. Hargrove: "Hey I forgot how much I really hate those filthy, stinkin' Borg bastards! Sure, Jean-Luc was assimilated by the Borg. It was a terrible, traumatic experience. BUT IT WAS IN EPISODE #74! Picard made his way through 100 more hours of Next Gen adventures evolving as a character - with no hint of this all-consuming, self-destructive hatred. In fact, Picard had the opportunity in I, Borg to introduce a deadly computer virus into their collective, wiping them out utterly, BUT REFUSED!" So, I don't think that I am alone in my interpretation of the relevant episodes. Where was Picard's rage in Descent Part I-II?
Phil: Actually, I never considered that you might be alone in your interpretation! Picard's actions in First Contact simply weren't a problem for me. Personally, I think anger can fester under the surface and shoot out in odd ways. Perhaps, the creators should have made Picard more irrational in "Decent" but I do think there is a difference in pursuing the Borg to a conflict and having the Borg attack you, travel back in time to assimilate all of Earth and attack your ship. Just my opinion.
Matthew Chase Maxwell of San Francisco CA: Shane Tourtellotte requested the name of the episode in which Robert Picardo utters the line "What's the matter? Too zesty for you?" I believe the line to be from the episode "Doctor Bashir, I Presume." Picardo was portraying Dr. Lewis Zimmerman, creator of the EMH. It is the only time I can ever remember the word "zesty" being used in Trek. Also, I think it is wonderful that this particular episode was directed by David Livingston!
Dan Wiese, El Cajon: Shane Tourtellotte asked where the Robert Picardo's statement of "What's the matter? Too zesty for you?" came from; I am 99% sure it came from the DS9 episode "Doctor Bashier, I presume."
Robert Cook of Anacortes, WA: I'm pretty sure that the Sheliak in the NG episode "The Ensigns of Command" were speicfically referred to as 'non-humaniod'. We never get a good look at the one that Picard haggles with, so we can't be sure.
Phil: Absolutely! In fact that was the first one that came to mind when I originally read the question. Alack alas, the neurons that had this information were asleep when I compiled by answer last week! The other one I missed was the Jarada from "The Big Goodbye." (Maybe. We never actually see them.)
Murray Leeder: Nagus ("Where Silence Has Leas")... Nagus? Might you mean Nagilum?
Phil Eee-yup! Little brain cramp there. Thanks to Adam Farlinger and James Rioux for sending this information along as well.
Chris Cook: DEEP SPACE NINE Do I really have to mention Dax? The Prophets (Emissary), Glow-Manta (maybe, the jellyfish from Farpoint seemed to be and this is pretty much the same look, Q-Less), the make-believe aliens (If Wishes Were Horses), 'Pup' (maybe, at least moderately intelligent, The Forsaken), the lifeforms in the micro-universe (they sure wouldn't qualify as humanoid by height, anyway, Playing God), the inhabitants of Meridian (most of the time, Meridian), Onaya (The Muse). Have I missed some? Doesn't seem enough for four seasons. Maybe the writers are sick of tinkerbell entities.
VOYAGER The Sporocistean lifeforms (Caretaker and Cold Fire), photonic-thing (Heroes and Demons), the Komar (Cathexis), the Twister-thing (Twisted), Marcel the monkey (Resolutions... oh, come on, it had to be intelligent!).
I've only done DS9 1-4 and Voyager 1-2 because I don't want to work without a book (the latest edition of the Chronology, in this case). There are a few possibles in Voyager I didn't put in, because they seemed to be dumb-animal-type lifeforms. I have to wonder about Dreadnought, though. How intelligent was it? Enough to be alive?
Clay: The scenario you describe about your book, sounds a bit like the new series that Majel Roddenberry recently got produced from an old script of Gene's that he wrote about the same time he was starting Star Trek. This show is called Earth: Final Conflict. I don't know if you have heard about it but the plots sound just a bit alike.
Phil: Well, consider this. I based my novel on prophecies that were penned several millennia ago. If Roddenberry's Earth: Final Conflict sounds like the Millennial Reign of Christ, I don't think we'd have any problem figuring out who based what on whom! ;-)
On to the questions . . .
Shirley Kolb: Second I was wondering what you think of "The Visitor" and "Earth - Final Conflict". And I didn't know if you heard or read that this week's "Earth - Final Conflict" is written by DC Fontana and is about a religious group who believes the Companions are messengers from God. (I thought you might be interested because that idea is somewhat related to your theme in "The Son, The Wind, and The Reign" (I think!)) I like "The Visitor" quite a bit. I have only seen 1 episode of "Earth" so far and I haven't formulated an opinion yet.
Phil: I usually try to give a show a dozen episodes or so before I form an opinion. I continue to watch "The Visitor" although it seems campy at times to me (and not intentionally so, unfortunately). I too have only seen on episode of Earth: Final Conflict. I'll need to watch several more before I decide. As far as similarities between Final Conflict and The Son, The Wind and The Reign . . . see above.
Ed Ouellette: While catching some of the new DS9 shows it seems that Dr. Bashir is becoming a real brainiac. When in Cardassian space their ship is disabled and Sisko says it will take a LONG TIME to get back to Federation Space. Bashir elaborates that it will be 17 some odd years - almost like a Vulcan or Data. Why are they bringing this aspect of his character out now? Is it because of what happened when he was young, the "little secret"? Can't the creators do a Star Trek series without a Vulcan / android walking computer?
Phil: There are many things that "work" about a character like this. There is an inherant tension between the character and the rest of the crew that can be turned to comedic advantage. The character can save the day. The character can spout information that otherwise would take investigation, thereby quickly moving the plot along. I put this in the same category as: Every Trek series needs a "chick" (to use Marina Sirtis's terminology).
Clay: In the commercial where they say they are bringing reruns back because we threatened them, I had the idea that trekkers actually did threaten them because of all the letters people have sent to paramount. I must have been out of my sense of humore supply for that day. Was I completely wrong?
Phil: Wouldn't surprise me a bit if there were actual threats! If I recall correctly, we had a similar situation here in Springfield. You might remember the fervor over the premiere of "Best of Both Worlds, Part 2". As it turned out, there was some kind of sports game on that ran late and during the news that followed one of the anchors (I think it was the sports guy) assured everyone that NextGen would run in it's entirety after the broadcast. And he went on to say that it was a criminal offense to threathen to kill someone over the phone! ;-) I wasn't in town that particular weekend but one of my buddies tells me that it didn't sound like the guy was joking!
Matt Nelson: Speaking of ATC, I've got a quick question; How did Hugh become separate from the Borg Collective? I can't quite remember, and I need it for a DS9 fanfic I'm working on. Thanks!
Phil: If I recall correctly, The Collective attempted to reassimilate him but his individuality started working in the Collective like a virus and the Collective began disassociating (or at least one ship did. This point is unclear.) The newly individualized Borg wander off and eventually linked up with Lore before falling into the abyss known as "Trek Characters Who Will Never Be Heard From Again."
Gareth Wilson: Does DS9 charge docking fees to alien ships? Does it cost non-Starfleet or non-Bajorans money to live in the habitat ring?
Phil: I don't believe this has ever been addressed! The only mention of fees that I can recall is a discussion between Sisko and Quark during "Bar Association." Sisko threatens Quark with the payment of back fees if he can't resolve the strike of his employees. According to dialogue, Quark hadn't paid any rent since the Federation took over the station, nor had he paid for the energy to run his replicators, nor had he paid for any repairs!
Todd Felton of Victoria, BC: I'm wondering if you or any of my fellow Guild members can help me find an answer. In a recent episode of DS9, likely late-5th season (just before abandoning the station), Rom mentions to Nog about Nog's mother, Rom's first wife. This is the only time I've ever heard her name mentioned--does anybody know 1) what episode this is? or 2) What her name is? I've got all the episodes on tape, so if someone knows which episode it was I can check it out! And if someone remembers the name, even better! Thanks,
Phil: Oh, man oh man oh man . . . what was that episode? Um . . . it was the one where Rom and Leeta were talking about getting married and Rom was wigging out and he eventually gave away all his latinum . . . sorry drawing a blank. "In The Cards" maybe?!
NOTE: SPOILED AHEAD FOR the episode after "Favor The Bold" from Season 6 of DS9!
Murray Leeder: It really believable that Gul Dukat remained on DS9 after recapturing it? I mean, it is necessary for plot purposes and it is in keeping with his character... but Dukat is more than the former Prefect to Bajor, he's the leader of whole Cardassian Empire! Hitler never stayed in any of his captured prizes, now did he?
Phil: You must be ahead of me in the viewing schedule because we just saw "Favor the Bold" here and Sisko hasn't retaken the station yet! But yes, if the battle was going badly, I would expect Dukat to hop on a transport before Sisko arrived. Unless, of course, he was confident up until the last moment that the Dominion would win.
Heather B. Smith of Niagara, Ontario: Could I have a list of episode titles for Deep Space Nine starting from the fifth season?
Phil: These lists are available all over the web. I use the one at www.vidiot.com.
Brent Morris: I have a question, In The Wounded and Chain of Command TNG, starfleet refers to the Cardassians as the Cardassian Union. But in Deep Space Nine Empok Nor, for example refers to the Cardassian government as the Cardassian Empire. Which is correct?
Phil: Whichever one the creators want to be correct. Or both! Or neither! ;-)
Chris Cook: In "Cause and Effect" the big E finds a time distortion, the Bozeman comes out, the ships collide and our heroes relive the last day again and again before they finally figure out the tractor beam won't work. The blurb in the new TNG novel ('Ship of the Line' or something like that) says that Captain Frasier, sorry, Bateson, and his ship were trapped in a pocket universe for eighty or ninety years. Eh? I figured that Captain Cheers and his ship went through the loop for fourteen days, just like the E, only they went through a time-hole near the end of it. Can someone who's read the novel (hardcover's just too expensive) clarify this 'pocket universe' business?
Phil: Can't help you there! Haven't read the novel. Anybody?
Have a great weekend, everybody!
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Copyright 1997 by Phil Farrand. All rights reserved.