First, some comments from previous columns . . .
Television Series Cross-Overs
Beginning with Omer Belsky's comments in the 3/20/98 column
JC Fernandez: Allow me to contribute to the ongoing crossover lists:
First... Mel Torme was once on "Seinfeld". The Velvet Fox also made several appearances as himself on "Night Court". Since someone already established that "Seinfeld" and "Star Trek" exist in the same universe, then one has to ask: Is Bob Wheeler(sp?), the concession stand owner, really Data?
Second, and more importantly, I've been able to link the two biggest science fiction franchises together: Someone had already established that Superman and Star Trek exist in the same universe because of the X-Men/Star Trek crossover. Now, we know that Superman exists in the same universe as Batman. Batman and Robin both made an appearance on Scooby Doo, the same show that also featured an appearance by Sonny and Cher. Sonny and Cher were guests on "The Muppet Show" at one time. And "The Muppet Show" was once visited by Luke Skywalker, C-3PO, R2-D2, and Chewbacca. Thus, Star Trek and Star Wars exist in the same universe!
But, going even further... Darth Vader was once in a commercial with the Energizer bunny. The bunny also had a commercial with the Wicked Witch from "The Wizard of Oz". And the bunny also had a cameo appearance in a "Cheers" episode (further evidence that all these shows exist in the same universe).
Bullies on the Playground and the End of the Nitpicker's Guides
Beginning with Phil Farrand's comments at the end of the 5/15/98 column
Lisa Shock: I just read "The Joy of Trek", by Sam Ramer - who just happens to work as an attorney. I am now more afraid for the guild than ever before. Mr. Ramer does not quote Trek, he summarizes plots and describes characters. While he is not nitpicking, he is outlining the history and details of cannon and lore. Much of his work is similar to your plot summaries at the beginning of each chapter. I can understand why Dell is frightened, the judgement against Mr. Ramer sets a very dangerous precedent, at least as far as Trek fandom is concerned. I am very disappointed with Paramount's behavior in this matter! Amazon.com still has copies of the book.
I recommend you read it. (Actually, I originally bought it as a collecible. With such a short press run, it's surely going to be a desirable rarity soon. I have a huge collection of Trek stuff - several thousand toys, plus lots of assorted other items - and I just can't resist a "limited press run".)
I found the book a bit lightwieght, but enjoyable.
Fiona Brown: I just read your newsletter and I just wanted to make sure I've git this straight. You're not going to write any more guides? I just wanted to get this straight cause I was really wanting to buy the sequel to the nitpickers guide for ds9 trekkers if you ever wrote one. I don't suppose you could write me back just to confirm that could you. I understand you don't want to get sued or anything I just think that it’s a shame. (Note from Phil: As of this point, the Nitpicker's Guides are officially ended. I can't say what the future might hold, though.)
Bob Weiss: I read your most recent column after sending you some nits a few minutes ago, and was distressed to see that there may be no further Trek Nitpickers Guides. I hope that the publishers and Paramount come to their senses and realize that your books have the effect of promoting Trek to an already loyal fan base, and that there is no harm in the books. I really look forward to the laughs from each new Nitpickers Guide, and I will be very sorry if no more are to follow. Good luck and take care. If you need another letter writer for a letter writing campaign, let me know.
Charles Syvlia: Well, I don't think you need any more sympathy from me about the bad news with your guides, so I won't continue this paragraph any further with that sort of stuff. And I don't think you really need any sympathy because I'm sure a talented person like yourself will be successful no matter what happens.
But anyway, the real selfish reason I'm writing this letter is because, well, I really enjoy your website. So I just wanted to know if this summer, you are going to be continuing the section on movie nits. I read that you're going to do a file for the X-Files movie, but I just want to know if you're going to do any other summer movies. I think there may be a few movies being released this summer that just might be worth nitpicking.
Phil: I think there will be as well I just have to get my life straighten around and then we'll see! ;-)
I'm very sorry to hear about the discontinuation of your books. I think that you are just another innocent person that has been picked upon by impersonal corporate managers. I have been running Star Trek web pages for over five years my self and I am very thankful that while other Star Trek pages were being closed down, mine were left untouched. If I know your constitution well enough (watching Oprah etc.), wouldn't discontinuing your guides, if they weren't breaking copyright laws, be breaking your 1st constitution, which states that all people have the right to the freedom of speech?. Your guides never made up plots, never created characters or never caused people to stop watching Star Trek, in fact I can personally say that I have watched Star Trek MORE as a result of your guides.
With the discontinuation, I know how you feel, believe me, I've been let down on something I believed in myself. But at least you have a back-up trade, programming. As I fellow programmer, I can tell you that while you might not be able to express yourself as much as writing books would, programming is a very fulfilling job. AND you can work from home, like you doubtlessly did when writing. I can only hope that this is not the end of the guides, to abandon a trade because some corporate cronies made you is a terrible thing. Keep up the good work, if not on paper, at least keep the web page going. I wish you all the luck in the future.
Phil: Thanks for the kind words. Unfortunately, the First Amendment applies only to the activities of the US Government. In the marketplace the old Golden Rule still applies: He who has the gold makes the rules.
Bill Kruse I'm behind the times, Phil, I only just read about this. Sheesh! All this is is work for lawyers, Paramount's people trying to justify their paycheck. A sad day, the end of an era. I wonder if they'll come calling on me....
Nitpicking the Animated Series
Beginning with Briony Coote's comments in the 6/5/98 column
Lisa Shock: I believe that if anyone needs copies, they can go to a Suncoast store and get a copy ordered, or transferred from another store. I bought the complete set on laser, and I am still wondering about why there is no episode 12?
The Leftmost Seat on Apollo 13
Beginning with John Isakson's comments in the 6/5/98 column
Shane Miller: James Meader thinks the scenes of conflict were added, and to a point , he is correct. It was actually a situation that Lovell had been contemplating during the event, and hoped wouldn't come to pass. And I DO recall reading somewhere that the scene was introduced because it was felt that some kind of conflict within the capsule was needed.
Klingon "Houses" and The House of John The Shrubber
Beginning with Mark Schieber's comments in the 6/5/98 column
Chris Marks: As to Klingon houses, maybe it's just that Worf couldn't take his place as head of his house on Mogh's death, so the name stayed as the House of Mogh, and between Redemption and Way Of The Warrior, Kurn was only its acting head, so he couldn't change its name.
Speaking of Klingon houses, how many people think Worf will get his honor back before the end of DS9's run?
Andrew Corcoran: If I could choose what "Monty Python" house I would be in, it would have to be The House Of Jonathan Gambolputty de von Ausfernschplendenschlittercrasscrenbonfrieddiggerdingledan- gledongledunbleburstein Von Kackerthrasherapplebanger Horo- witz-ticolensicgranderknottyspelltinklegrandlichgrumblemey- erspelterwasserkurstlich Himbleeisenbahnwagengutenabendbitte ein Nurnburgerbratwustlegerspurtenmitzweimacheluberhundsfut- gumberabershonendankerkalbsfleischmittleraucher von Haut- kopft of the planet Ulm. I think it has a catchy rhythm about it! ;-)
By the way, could you tell your fellow Monty Python interested nitpickers that you find most strange threads going on at alt.fan.monty-python newsgroup, such as "The Shortest Thread of 1998," which in fact went on for about 3 months!
I'd better shut up now... I don't want your website being infested with Monty Python just because of a sentence included in a past Ask The Chief column!!
Shane Miller: And just for the record, if I were living in New Orleans, I'd probably be a member of the House of the Rising Sun. Lame? - yes. Am I tired? - Yes. Will anyone get the joke? - Probably not.
Jason Haase: I enjoyed this weeks Ask The Chief column. I thought Matt Cotnoir's comment about the House Of John Jacob Jinglehimer Schmitt(JJJS) was hilarious. "After all, his name is my name too." This reminded me of an episode of Animaniacs I saw. In it there was a Karioke(sp?) place the characters went to and William "Slackner" was hogging the microphone. Whoever was doing the Shatner impersonation was perfect. Anyway, one of the songs he sang(more like talked through) was JJJS. This episode is really worth seeing for any Star Trek fan. At the end "Lenny" Nimoy sings "Nick Nack Patty Wack, Get A Dog A Bone" or something like that, it has been a while since I saw it. On the forth of July weekend WB is showing an Animaniacs marathon, maybe they will show it again then. This isn't the only Trek parody they have done.
Klingons Have Ridges (At Least They Do Now)
Beginning with Mark Schieber's comments in the 6/12/98 column
Mark Schieber: Here's a VERY THIN theory on how the Klingons' appearances changed:
Maybe they have always had the brow ridges, but they were a warrior race and wanted to set about conquering the galaxy at large and so the Klingons who went into space had to have their features altered. This was in the hopes that they would be more generally accepted by the races they conquered. This practice met with a great deal of resistance as it wasn't viewed as "honorable"; Klingons ultimately had to decide which was more honorable, obeying the questionable directive of the Emperor (or Chancellor or whatever), or defying it and keeping their true appearance. In any event, the practice was discarded by the time V'Ger came to earth.
Now, this might be considered a bizarre historical footnote (or even a bit of trivia) that was not generally known by the 24th century. It might even have been that the Federation at some point knew about this masquerade, but didn't know what Klingons really looked like. In a sense, that might be even MORE intimidating to your enemies, since they can imagine all kinds of horrible things. That might be how the Emperor (or Chancellor or whatever) gained support for the practice.
When Kirk fought the false Kahless (with Abraham Lincoln), the alien who created the historical figures probably picked up on this bit of subterfuge and, since keeping the secret didn't interfere with his plans, he allowed it to continue by creating the smooth-headed Kahless.
This explains both why INDIVIDUAL Klingons changed and why it isn't generally known in the 24th century. It IS pretty weak but I think I covered all the bases.
Stephen Walker: It is my understanding that space-bound Klingons had their foreheads surgically altered to appear more like humans during Kirk's era. It was thought that a captured Klingon might be better able to escape and return with intelligence if they could blend-in with the general Federation populace.
Later, just prior to ST:TMP, the practice was discontinued. Advances in Federation Tricorder technology and the Federation's knowledge of the procedure rendered the alterations ineffective. Even before, the practice was looked on with a great deal of distain. It was generally felt that a Warrior should enter battle as a Klingon and that it would be a dishonor to die with a flat head. Of course, once the practice was discontinued, most Klingons immediately had the effects reversed.
That's what I heard,
James D. Meader: Concerning the question of why the Klingons looked the way they did in TOS and why they look the way they do now, the answer is....money. The original "Star Trek" series cost a LOT of money in its day, and Desilu was not a studio flush with cash, especially when it came to such an untried and risky concept. When the original pilot episodes were made, Desilu did not even really HAVE a makeup department, latex appliances were difficult to make and apply, and quite expensive. Even something as simple looking as Leonard Nimoys ear appliances caused many problems, which would have been magnified many fold for something as large and complicated as a Klingon head. Matt Jeffries and Irving Feinberg had to work miracles on an ongoing basis to come up with good-looking props for next to no money. For instance, some of McCoys surgical instruments were salt shakers bought in the bargan basement of a large Los Angelis department store. When the movies and the syndicated shows came along, there was much more money that could be spent on things like Klingon heads and the alien "facial bumps of the week". It may be fun to create scenarios as to why the Klingons of TOS didn't have the elaborate cranial ridges, but the simple answer is that back then the producers couldn't afford much more than dark skin makeup and Fu Manchu mustaches. I know that isn't a very satisfying explanation, but that's how it was.
Phil: But, of course, nitpickers don't deal in reality so . . . ;-)
John Latchem: [Concerning the "unexplained mysteries" category,] I nominate the Federation economy!
Chris Marks: Thinking back, didn't the Klingons in all the movies have ridged heads too? Also, (quasi-cannon time (how do you treat novelisations anyway?)) in the novel of Relics, Scotty recognises Worf as a Klingon just after he came out of the transporter, even though he's got a ridged head. Also, Klingons now seem to be built a lot more solidly than they were in Kirk's day. (Note from Phil: Novelisations are not canonical and are therefore ignored by nitpickers! ;-)
Patrick Sweeney: In repsonse to Mark Schieber's Klingon Forehead paradox, the Marvel DS9 comic book ran a 3 issue thing on it, back in Feb or Mar of this year. It was humorous to say the least.
John Bibb: In one of the new Marvel Star Trek DS9 comic books, some crew members were speculating why Klingons hated tribbles. In Dr. Bashier's speculation, he guessed that Tribbles carried a bacteria that caused an allergic reaction to Klingons. When Kirk beamed the whole shipload of tribbles onto Koloth's ship, the reaction went to the extreme: First, a rash appeared on Klingon's foreheads, then the bumps grew.... Koloth originally thought it was a biological weapon, but refused to confront Kirk about it, because if he admitted the affects, it would make him look weak. So instead, he returned to the homeworld. Unfortunately, the bacteria mutated into a VERY contagious form, and within a few years, the entire Klingon population had the foreheads. In addition, the foreheads somehow became hereditary.....
Unfortunately, I've misplaced that comic book, so II may be a little off on some of the details, but that's the gist of it. And yes, I know that comics aren't canon, and even in the comic, this was just speculation, but it's an interesting theory.....
Joshua Truax: Klingons, of course, aren't the only Star Trek aliens we've seen more than one "version" of. In fact, I've compiled a list of all the cultures we've seen throughout Trek history that apparently consist of more than one race. Undoubtedly I've missed a few, but here's who I've got so far:
1) Humans, of course.
2) Klingons: Those with forehead ridges and those without. ("It is a long story... we do not discuss it with outsiders.")
3) Vulcans: We've seen at least three races of Vulcans: one with Caucasian-like features, like Spock and Sarek; one with darker skin and African-like features, such as Tuvok; and one with Far Eastern-like features, such as the Vulcan ringing the gong at the fal-tor-pan ceremony at the end of Star Trek III...
4) Romulans: Cmdr. Sirol from "The Pegasus" [TNG] had a decidedly African-like appearance, unlike any other Romulans we've seen before or since...
5) Trill humanoids: Those with ridged foreheads like Kareel Odan (from "The Host" [TNG]), and those with spotted skin like Jadzia Dax.
6) Bajorans: Every once in a while you'll see a dark-skinned Bajoran extra on DS9 (especially in its early seasons).
7) Malcorians: One of the extras in "First Contact" [TNG] was darker-skinned than the others.
8) Bolians: The first one we saw was Capt. Rixx in "Conspiracy" [TNG]. His skin was pale gray. Every Bolian we've seen since then looked similar to Rixx, except their skin is blue.
9) Ktarians: Those with bulbous foreheads like Etana Jol (from "The Game" [TNG]), and those with dinosaur-like bone ridges down the center of their faces, like Naomi Wildman (Samantha's daughter aboard Voyager).
10) Jem'Hadar: In this case there's no discernable difference in appearance, but the dialogue in "One Little Ship" [DS9] stated that there were now two races of Jem'Hadar: one designed and bred for duty in Gamma Quadrant, and one for Alpha Quadrant. The dialogue also suggested that there was friction between the two races...
11) Borg: I'm not sure we can really classify them as separate "races" of Borg, but there is of course a distinct difference in appearance between the Borg we've seen on TNG and the Borg we've seen in ST:FC and on Voyager...
The Death Of Jadzia
Beginning with Matt Greer's comments in the 6/12/98 column
Jason Haase: On the issue of Dax being offed on the finale of DS9: I believe I read somewhere that Michael Dorn had it in his contract that he will appear in any Next Generation movies. So wouldn't it be cool if they somehow worked Dax's death into Worf's story in the next movie? Something involving his past relationship with Troi would be great! But I'll bet Worf and Troi don't even have a scene together where they happen to look at each other or speak or anything! Much like First Contact.
Defibrillator Energy Output
Beginning with Steve Braun's comments in the 6/12/98 column
Phil: No comments on this topic this week. I'll do some digging and see what I can find!
Seven In The Tube With Photons
Beginning with Mark Bjorkegren's comments in the 6/12/98 column
Bob Woolley: [Concerning The AOTW and Quark defusing the topedo,] And if you recall, that Alien-o-the-Week looked surprisingly like Zephram Cochrane!
Robert Cook: He was probably thinking of the Voyager episode that introduced theKremin(sp?)- it was shown last season, and had Kes working her way backwardsthrough time from her death. One scene involved disabling a torpedeo in thesame manner. (I can't remember the episode's title, unfortunately.)As others have said, this created a nit, since Kes presumably told thecrew how the torpedeo was disabled. When the Kremin actually attacked, itwas like Kes had never had her experience; the crew was totally surprised by the Kremin's time abilities..
John Latchem: The real gripe I had was the phase shift given did not have that many decimal places so why were they not rotating the phase of the shields with each torpedo firedat them. They would have soon found the phase as they had taken hordes of hits. (I think they gave a value of 1.2 or something pretty low)
Phil: to Patrick , Michael , Lemur-Cat, Chris Whitehead, Herbyherb, Fred Longacre and Richard Steenbergen for sending information along as well.
On to the questions . . .
Phil: I am attempting to use my new computer set-up this morning to do this column and with trying to learn a new way of doing things, I am way, way behind on time so I am going to have to blast through these questions. Sorry. I'll try to do better next week.
Rene Charbonneau: I was in a DS9 newsgroup the other day and I noticed that many people there seem to hate "Ferengi comedy episodes", the most recent being "Profit And Lace". I have to say, I was surprised so many people didn't like them.
Personally, I love these types of episodes...one of my favourite being "The Magnificient Ferengi", where Quark and a few other Ferengi rescue "Moogie" from the Dominion.
I was wondering...what is your opinion of these episodes and why?
Phil: I've enjoyed most of them. The latter ones haven't had the same zing (in my opinion) but I don't find them "out-of-scope" for the rest of DS9.
Yegar: Is there anywhere on your site where there are stored X-Files and DS9 Nits? Also, I really enjoy what you have been doing. What is your real Full Time Job?
Phil: Well, it used to be writing books! ;-) As For X-Files and DS9 nits. Sorry. No time.
Jack: I have been very interested in this Sci-Fi reading list. I intended to use it for most of my summer reading list. I've even seen it a few times. However, when I actually got around to writing my summer reading list, your list disappeared! What happened?
Phil: It just moved to make room for the current column. The list can be found at: ../askchief/ac980605.htm
daniel gunther: [concerning deep impact,] i've got no nits for this movie (i wasn't watching for them), but i was wondering if you've seen it and when you saw it, where did the president of the u.s. say that the second comet would hit? just testing out a theory. thanks, love the guides!
stephen mendenhall: i recently saw a mad tv parody of david duchovny (sp?). it was done a year ago but i hadn't bothered watching the tape. anyway, they had somebody portraying duchovny doing famous lines from movies in a perfectly dull, deadpan manner, like he says lines on the x-files. well, the way he talks on the x-files seems appropriate for the role, and i wonder what other roles you've seen him in? does he use other tones? has he ever gotten excited, hysterical, etc. on the x-files? i obviously haven't been watching the show much. i wonder what you thought of his acting in other roles?
phil: i have seen him in much else but he'll always be mulder to me! ;-)
mark schieber: i know its probably way too late to say anything about the "reading list" part of your atc column, but can i recommend a great book? the novelization of "far beyond the stars" brought a perspective to the story that was missing in the tv episode. it was one of the best star trek novels i've ever read (and i've read them all).
also, is it for sure that season 7 will be the last for ds9? i know tng ended after 7, but both shows were extended after the planned 6 seasons. do you think they'll extend to 8 or even 9? i remember when worf joined the cast there was talk by someone (rick berman i think) about how, since they didn't know how the show would go after that, they might last seven years with worf into a tenth season. have you or anyone heard anything?
phil: i only know what i've been told! i think seven seasons is going to it.
clay: is this the first time a major character has been allowed to die during the run of the series they are on?
phil: well, tasha yar died in the first season for trek!
matthew patterson: while i was watching the good parts of first contact for the zillionth time, i pondered the following: why can't ships that have phaser arrays on the dorsal and ventral (that is to say, the relative top and bottom) sides of the saucer fire them both at the same time? it might not help all the time, but what if there are a lot of jem'hadar fighter ships closing from both directions and you need to pick them off fast? or what if your target is big enough, like the borg cube, that when you fire both arrays, they'll both hit? is it because of power demands, or simply because the special effects guys are overworked enough as it is?
and speaking of phasers, why do certain ships, like the big e, show two energy discharges moving along an arc on the saucer, meeting in one spot, then blasting out; while others, like the prometheus, defiant (ok, it's a prototype, but they have built others of its class), or even enterprises through the e-b just blast? do the little moving energy bolts increase power? do they improve targeting? (actually, they might, except for the fact that while the energy is moving along, it wastes about one second, while an enemy ship traveling at full impulse could move about 46,500 kilometers from the time the order to fire was given. i don't think that a phaser beam is that wide.)
phil: i would imagine that most of this happens because the visual effects guys were liberal arts majors in college instead of engineers!
matthew patterson: just out of curiosity, what kind of compuer are you using? and do you use it because you prefer the operating system, or because it was better equipped, or you needed a specific thing that was included with it, or what?
phil: i'm currently fighting with a new 333mhrtz pentium ii with 128 mb of ram, 6.4g harddrive, a matrox millenium ii video card with the rainbow runner attachment and other doodads. i just got it a few weeks ago and, frankly, it seems to be turning into a nightmare because it just ain't stable! i'm doing this column in word 97 and routinely, i get garbage across the screen. words disappear and reappear. seems like every program that i try to run, i either end up with "garbaged" fonts and icons or lockup or crashes. i'm running windows 95 and i'm not sure if that's just the way the system usually runs or if this is unusual. i'm going through some active x controller lessons in visual basic and it's possible that that is causing some of my problems but even after i shut everything off an reboot, it seems like it doesn't matter what program i run, it will eventually cause some kind of anomoly. i'm not used to this! i've been a mac guy for a long time and the little 486 i was using to update the website was running windows 3.1 and it was stable. i used to only crash once every two weeks or so. this machine crashed at least ten times yesterday. but, it you're going to do business programming, windows is the only choice. glad to see it's such a superior product.
have a great weekend, everybody!
If you would like to submit a question or comment, send it to: chief@nitcentral.com with "Ask the Chief" or "Question" in the Subject line. (Remember the legalese: Everything you submit becomes mine and you grant me the right to use your name in any future publication by me.)
Copyright 1998 by Phil Farrand. All rights reserved.