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COPYRIGHT 1997 by Phil Farrand. All rights reserved.
Books by Phil Farrand:
The Nitpicker's Guide for Next Generation Trekkers, Volume I
(ISBN 0-440-50571-2)
The Nitpicker's Guide for Classic Trekkers
(ISBN 0-440-50683-2)
The Nitpicker's Guide for Next Generation Trekkers, Volume II
(ISBN 0-440-50716-2)
The Nitpicker's Guide for Deep Space Trekkers
(ISBN 0-440-50762-6)
The Nitpicker's Guide for X-philes
(Release date: December 1997)
March 22, 1997
Greetings Fellow Nitpickers and Proud Members of the Nitpickers Guild!
First, a heartfelt thank you for your kind responses to The Nitpicker's Guide for Deep Space Nine Trekkers (DS9 Guide, released December 1996). It's always nice to hear that people are enjoying my work and you have been most kind in your comments. Next up: The Nitpicker's Guide for X-philes (X-phile Guide), out this Fall just in time for Christmas. (Imagine that!)
And speaking of the X-phile Guide, it will cover the first four seasons of The X-Files, Fox's runaway hit that romps each week through the strange, the bizarre and lately the often too gruesome. Like the DS9 Guide, it carries an official release date of December 1. That means it should start showing up on book store shelves sometime during the second or third week of November. I'll be sending in the first three-fourths of the book to my editor, Kathleen Jayes, in just a few days and then finishing up with the fourth season and the sidebars through the months of April and May so I expect it to keep me busy for several more weeks.
Speaking of things that have kept me busy, the Nitpickers Guild marches on. As of today, the Guild has 5943 members from 26 countries (Australia, Austria, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, Republic of China, Denmark, Germany, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Japan, Luxembourg, Mexico, The Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Saudi Arabia, Singapore, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, Thailand, United Kingdom and USA). Congratulations to Ben Maniwatana of Bangkok for being the first nitpicker to write from Thailand and Alain Baum of Niederanven for being the first nitpicker to write from Luxembourg. Over 8100 postal letters have arrived here at Nitpicker Central (not counting the thousands of email messages). Thanks again to everyone for your interest.
The Nitpicker Central Internet Extension Office (NCIEO) has found a new home. After two moves, I decided it was finally time to break down and file for its own domain name. NCIEO is now located at: www.nitcentral.com. Please make a note of the new address if you have access to the Internet. My email address has changed again as well. It is now: chief@nitcentral.com. However, I believe this is the last time we'll have to contend with this! Yea! For those of you who don't know, NCIEO contains brash reflections on the third season of Voyager, humorous odds and ends and a weekly Q&A column by yours truly. Drop by any time. I think you'll find it good for a giggle.
And now a word from our sponsor. Same deal as last year with the newsletters. There will be four (April, July, October and December). They will be available in three ways:
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As always, Happy Nitpicking!
Phil Farrand
Here we go again! I've said it before but it's still true. The approach of a release date on a book always fills me with a minor trepidation. I wonder how many unintentional errors I've made because of brain cramps, dead neurons and the like. The Nitpicker's Guide for Deep Space Nine Trekkers has proven to be no exception! Here are some the comments sent my way by the honored members of the Nitpicker's Guild. (Thank you all for your compliments on the book as well.) There are, of course larger discussions that I simply do not have the space to discuss here. Perhaps someday we'll meet and have time for a spirited exchange of ideas!
General
David D. Porter of River Ridge, LA: "The difference between TNG and DS9 uniforms is mentioned. This might not be a problem. As a naval officer, I am required by uniform regulations to own no fewer than six completely different uniforms. In addition, there are two more that I'm not required to own because I'm not senior enough, another that is aviators only, and tropical variants that I don't need to have. Besides the basics, several of these have variations (different headgear, decorations or tie, etc.) which make a total of fifteen different prescribed uniforms. This doesn't include the coveralls I'd be able to wear if I were in the engineering department of a ship or the sweaters and jackets which can be worn over these outfits. With all that, the six we've seen on TNG/DS9/V-ger (not including bunny suits) really isn't out of line.
"Also, I was stunned you didn't mention your web site anywhere in the Guide! Did it just slip your mind, or do you assume that anyone interested would already have found you?" The web site is one of those things that has the potential to swarm me. I figure if people have access to the Internet, they'll find me! And, if I have to disengage, I didn't want tens of thousands of books out there containing a World Wide Web address that isn't valid.
Reid Joiner: "You made a big deal about smart doors in the book. I don't see why, we have them today! In a rerun of Murphy Brown, I saw the elevator deposit a woman in the background halfway through the scene. Knowing a character needs to make a dramatic exit soon, the elevator stays open for over a minute in the background!"
Stu Lloyd of Kent, England: "You say that you could not see the outside of the Ops windows on the station. Well, if you look closely at the flattened top of the Ops bubble, you can just make them out - the Cardies must have liked to use shaped glass a lot for these, since on the inside, they're slanted!"
Robert Beeler of Knoxville, TN: "Several times in the DS9 guide you found it odd that Quark counts his profits in plain sight. Quark may actually be removing some of the money from the register so that there is always a certain amount of cash in the drawer, this makes it easier to see if one of his employees made a mistake that needs to be removed from their paycheck."
Peter Ostmann of Leopoldshohe, Germany: "Don't you think you're overemphasizing the thing about Odo's weight a little? He gets carried around ALL THE TIME. And once, just once, somebody remarks that Odo is heavier than he looks. And that's an alien we don't know anything about. Maybe Croden only knew persons with a low body density (relative to that of a human being, or that of Odo)." Ya know, sometimes ya just gotta get a little obsessive about things! It suits my purposes!
Chad Larson; "I want to postulate something. I think the changeling's can mimic a face perfectly, but coming up with a unique face is much more difficult."
Rob Roszkowski of Jackson Heights, NY: "That mysteriously disappearing second railing in the Promenade? I have three words for you . . . Odo Odo Odo. Where else can he disperse 175 pounds over a large area? (Smile)"
Dr. Gordon J. Malkowski of San Antonio, TX: "Let me suggest that the collar bars on cadet uniforms might be used to indicate cadet rank: one bar for cadet ensign, two bars for cadet lieutenant (jg), etc."
Cover
Murray Leeder of Calgary, Alberta: "Is that one of DS9's pylons sticking out behind the Defiant on the cover? Gotta be, because it's a DS9 Guide, so it oughta have DS9 on the cover." Yes, it oughta and in fact it did but that's a long story.
Front Matter
Page ix, Murray Leeder of Calgary, Alberta: "With the last few entries in the table of contents, the dots don't extend all the way. Also in the table of contents, Trek Silliness and Hodgepodge Tote Board aren't italicized."
Season One
4-5 John Burrows of Middlesex, England: "I disagree with your taking exception to Sisko's feelings for Picard having been Locutus thus causing the death of Jennifer even though it wasn't his fault. Sisko's reaction is only human nature and I would have felt the same way."
6, John Latchem of Los Alamitos, CA, "I have an explanation for why the Enterprise picked up no life signs. Remember that they said in 'Best of Both Worlds' they were sending 40 ships. I assume the Saratoga showed up late because it still had families on board (who would take a ship into battle without getting the families off, other than Picard?). So that means 41 ships at Wolf 359 vs the Borg. But in 'The Drumhead,' Admiral Satie says only 39 ships were destroyed. The remaining two could have picked up the lifeboats and retreated long before the Enterprise arrived." Could be! I think the crux of this issue for me is this: Is there any question in anyone's mind that at the time "Best of Both Worlds, Part 2" aired, the creators fully intended for us to believe that everyone at the battle died?
8, Brian Lombard of Gaithersburg, MD: "You go back to a problem you had in the first Next Gen Guide. You refer to the first TNG episode with Moriarty as 'Elementary, MY Dear Data.' By Next Gen II, you had correctly dropped the MY, but you put it back in in the DS9 Guide!" I'm telling ya, those neurons just want it in there!
12, Brian Lombard of Gaithersburg, MD: "DS9 premiered in 1993, not 1992."
19, Murray Leeder of Calgary, Alberta: "This episode states that there are different cloning methods. Maybe the one used by the Mariposans makes it so that the body is created first, and then is infused with life. So maybe Riker didn't kill a clone, he just vaporized a body (I know it's after-the-fact, but if the shoe fits . . .)"
27, Brian Lombard of Gaithersburg, MD: "You say that Tosk is the first visitor from the Gamma quadrant. Not to be picky, but wouldn't that really be Odo?" Sounds good to me!
27, Rob Roszkowski of Jackson Heights, NY: "I don't give think you give our friends the Universal Translators enough credit . . . take the Tosk situation, with 'seventeen minutes per rotation.' The Tosk actually said 'thirteen point two binkbonkbinks per planetary spin,' and the computer, tied in with Bashir's EXCELLENT medical scanners, first translated 13.2 binkbonkbinks as 17 minutes by studying his metabolism on the spot (hee hee), but then only translated planetary spin as rotation, having no specific data about his planet from its Stellar Cartography link. (Nudge, nudge.)"
32, Jack Reasoner of Adrian, MI: "You state that the station has only one set of thrusters. Wrong! In 'Emissary,' O'Brien states that the station has only one working set of thrusters. Look at a model of the station, or any good close-up of the docking ring. The thrusters run all the way around the station!"
33, Shirely Kolb of Fulton, NY: "Wanted to let you know I finally saw Spock's face in the opening. (Although I have to admit, if you hadn't told me, I'm not sure I would have known it was Spock!) My husband can't see it however and is now making snide comments about seeing a Jem'Hadar face in the opening to Voyager!"
35, Rob Roszkowski of Jackson Heights, NY: "You are upset about the use of Quark's for Dax's tribunal, as opposed to say the wardroom. Hey, c'mon, how fast can O'Brien work . . . maybe he wasn't up to fixing that area yet. (Nudge, nudge.)"
36, Rene Charbonneau of Vanier, Ontario, "I came across an odd passage in the DS9 guide. Listen, '. . . the runabout would traverse 192.6 billion kilometers . . . Yes, that's right. More than 19 trillion--with a 't'--kilometers . . .' Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't 192.6 Billion kilometers only 0.1926 trillion not 19 trillion kilometers?" Yeah, this was one of those things that I fixed but somehow it didn't get fixed! Ah well.
56-57, Louisa Evers of Dufur, OR: "Bashir is performing CPR on Kai Opaka. One thing you, and actually many people, don't seem to realize is that CPR is performed only on dead people. There's no point in performing it on live people. There are two basic assumptions in CPR: 1) the person performing CPR will break things, usually ribs, and exacerbate any existing chest and back injuries. It's inevitable given the nature of the procedure. 2) Being alive and dealing with any injuries resulting from CPR is preferable to being dead. Therefore, Bashir can't really hurt Kai Opaka since he can't make her any more dead. I think there are some much better nits in association with this scene. Why is Bashir performing CPR in the first place? He stated that she was in pulmonary arrest (not breathing), but said nothing about being in cardiac arrest. Why do they haul her out of the runabout to perform it? Why does Bashir give up on CPR so quickly? Lastly, Bashir performs CPR incorrectly (maybe that's why it didn't work). Of course, CPR is always performed incorrectly on TV and in the movies. To perform it correctly means breaking bones. There also seems to be some aversion to acting out the 'pulmonary' part of CPR (rescue breathing)."
62, Brian Lombard of Gaithersburg, MD: "The romance tote board lists 7 men who fell for Kira. Didn't Jake fall for her in 'Fascination'?" How true, too true.
62-63, Hedy. B. Tick of Kansas City, MO: "I have a minor nit with you having coined the term 'puddling,' when describing what appears to be sexual activity. For that matter, I have trouble believing that every instance of this activity is sexual in content. (When I hug and kiss the wee-ones in my family, I am not attempting to stir inappropriate responses.)" True, but this activity does occur between adult Changelings and the expressions that Odo gives during these sessions seems to be something beyond "hugs and kisses!" Still, I apologize for any offense I may have given!
65, Chuck Cabe of Hawesville, KY, "You found it odd that the Bajorans didn't colonize Jerrado even though they could have gone there. Well, let's see here: We have been able to land on the Moon for over 25 years, but no one is planning to colonize the Moon any time soon." But, but, but . . . Jerrado has an atmosphere and good soil! If the Moon was like Earth in habitability, don't you think there would be a colony there?
68, May Chin of Santa Barbara, CA: "You wondered if Bashir was simply dedicated or fell asleep while reviewing reports, since he was asleep in his uniform when the Dax Kitten came at him. Suppose instead he'd been in, say, his pajamas. How he got rid of the Dax Kitten so he could change clothes before answering the call to Ops is a scene we'd all love to have seen, I'm sure!"
68, Brian Alan Smith of Columbia MO: "And one thing I've always assumed in 'If Wishes Were Horses', regarding 'replimated antipasto': Are the restaurants on the Promenade called 'Replimats', any of them? I had always thought some of them were, a la the Automats that disappeared before my time. I wonder if calling antipasto 'replimated' is a way of indicating that it came from one of these restaurants, while 'replicated' means from station's stores. This would provide an incentive beyond social to go to a restaurant, if each outlet had its own computer terminal, molecular schematics, and 'secret recipes' for food. (It's true what they say...antipasto you make at home just isn't the same as at a good Italian restaurant.)"
Season Two
92, Elizabeth Leach of Edinburgh, Scotland: "There is reference made to Jake Sisko's apparent lack of skills in mathematics, because he has to study algebra. I'm not sure how mathematics is studied in America, but over here algebra is both respectable and very difficult. I'm a second-year music technology under-graduate and last year, as part of my course, I had to study both algebra and calculus. On the whole, most people found the calculus easier than the algebra. Algebra is also studied to a much higher level than calculus, and is generally a much bigger field."
92, David Lawrence of Mercyside, Great Britain: "You question Jake studying algebra when in an earlier episode a much younger person was studying calculus. I have an honors degree in maths and at university we studied algebra (at ages 18 -21) even though I studied rudimentary calculus at secondary school (at ages 13-18). Maths is like that. Algebra is a very broad term covering everything from the basics to the cutting edge of knowledge."
96, David Foster of West Lafayette, IN: "You refer to the episode 'Dax' when I think you mean 'Duet.'"
100, Brian Lombard of Gaithersburg, MD: You say that there's an emergency medical kit on the bridge. The bridge? Where's that? Near Ops?" Oops!
100, Christopher Pope: "You describe Ensign Kelly as an 'African-American Starfleet crew member.' How do you know he's from America?" If I told you that, I'd have to kill you! There are secrets best kept.
112, Jeremy Wood of Sheffield, England, "You convert a bearing of '028 mark 142' to '208 mark 052'. This should actually be '208 mark 038'. In the version Melora gives, we can imagine the runabout turning 28 degrees to starboard and then tipping over 142 degrees. this is 38 degrees short of tipping completely 'upside down', meaning that if we perceive the maneuver as beginning with a clockwise turn of 208 degrees, Melora would only need to tip the runabout 'upwards' by 38 degrees." Well rats! I thought I have done my math correctly but apparently I was working off the wrong axis. Ah, well!
128, Kevin Spenst of Moscow, ID: "You talk about The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (one of my favorite series) and refer to it as a trilogy. There are actually five books and one short story in the trilogy. No offense intended, but did you not know that or didn't you think it was necessary to mention?" I believe that for a time the five books of the Hitchhiker's Guide series referred to themselves as a triology! Just more of Douglas Adams's humor!
129, Matthew McLauchlin of Westmont, Quebec: "At one point, you ask why anyone would eat at Quarks when they could eat at the replimat. Think: Why would you eat at a restaurant when you could eat at a cafeteria?" True. But why would you eat at a restaurant if the cafeteria was free!? As I said in the Guide: "Dabo girl ambience?"
129, Robert Beeler of Knoxville, TN: "You mentioned that you found it odd that people will pay for a drink at Quark's when the replimat is next door. If these replimats are anything like the replicators on the Enterprise then they can only make Synthahol."
144, Chuck Cabe of Hawesville, KY: "You asked the question: would Sisko take the fake O'Brien out in a runabout? Yes! During 'Whispers' all they try to do is to keep O'Brien away from the peace talks. What better way to do that than to send him on a make-work assignment."
144-147, Gordon Buck of Winnipeg, Manitoba: "You referred to Dax and Kira's runabout as the Mekong. It is, in fact, the Orinoco. While aboard the Rio Grande, Dax orders the computer to set up a warp tow to the Orinoco." I must have been losing neurons like crazy when I was doing this episode. See below!
145, Brian Lombard of Gaithersburg, MD: "You state that O'Brien expressed an interest in building models in the TNG episode 'Samaritan Snare'. Actually it was 'Booby Trap'. Picard also mentioned it in 'All Good Things'."
147, Brian Lombard of Gaithersburg, MD: "Still with 'Paradise', you say that the Enterprise towed a barge in the episode 'Samaritan Snare', when I believe you mean 'Final Mission'."
166, Jeremy Wood of Sheffield, England, "you convert '216 mark 177' to '036 mark 087'. This suggests to me that I'm missing something somewhere. What isn't this '036 mark 003'? (At least one of us has a brain cramp here, Phil!)" It's me! I used the wrong formula for the conversion!
176-177, Jim DiCillo of Lyndhurst, OH: "I would like to address three points you made in the book. 1. Why are humans in the alt-universe at Bajor. Well, humans controlled a vast empire. Alt-Kira said that her Bajor had been occupied by them. If you have humans occupying these far-off places, and the empire is overthrown, do you think that they would all automatically return to Earth? No, they and their descendants would be stuck where they were.
"2. Ore processing is a logical function of the station. Of course, you are not going to be transporting unrefined ore from the surface of the planet, nor would it be economically feasible to transport refined materials. The solution would be to mine asteroids and moons. Now, you don't want to transport this ore to the planet to refine, so why not refine it in space?
"3. The reference from 'Mirror, Mirror.' You said that Marla Moreau indicated Caesar was a rank. She was obviously speaking metaphorically be cause she said, '. . . the woman of a Caesar. . . ,' not '. . . the woman of Caesar. . .'. Caesar was never meant to be taken as a rank, even in the Roman Empire. It began as a family name specific to the Julio-Claudian family of emperors that consisted of Augustus, Tiberius, Gaius Caligula, Claudius, and Nero. After Nero, the last Julio-Claudian emperor, the Caesar name was adopted by subsequent emperors to legitimize their position. It thus evolved into a title, but never a rank. Commander-in-Chief is, however, a rank." Granted "Caesar" should more appropriately be referred to as a title not a rank. But, even in the context of Alt-Kira's statements, I am still of the opinion that she would say Spock rose to "Caesar." As you say, "Caesar" had already evolved into a title even in the days of the Roman Empire. I see no reason that Spock would not have adopted it. "Hail Caesar!" just has a better ring than "Hail, Commander-in-Chief!" As to Moreau saying "woman of a Caesar" versus "woman of Caesar," methinks I hear the sound of splitting hairs! (Which is a proud tradition in the Nitpickers Guild by the way!) And I'm not sure we can say that she was "obviously" speaking metaphorically. "Mirror, Mirror" is heavy with allusions to the Roman Empire. In the context of that episode it makes perfect sense that the head guy is "Caesar."
185, Larry Nemecek of Pasadena, CA: "I've scanned the pages for now, and everything looks great. There is one thing I noticed right off, though -- the spelling is 'Jem'Hadar' (one D, not two)." Yup! I'm going to be living with that one for a long time to come! I spotted it late in the game and tried to get it fixed but it was too late!
186-187, Charles Sylvia: "I think Starfleet should have known something was up with the Dominion the first time they met in 'The Jem'Hadar.' In the famous scene where Third Talak'Talan tells everyone to stop coming through the wormhole, (the scene that spawned many a nit in your DS9 guide), the Dominion seemed really serious about insisting that we not go meddling around in the Gamma Quadrant. But if they were so serious about that...why didn't they just collapse the wormhole? The only reasons I can think of is....either they still wanted to trade with some races in the Alpha Quadrant other than the Federation, or all along they've been planning to conquer the Alpha Quadrant, and they had Third Talak'Talan just say that so it seemed like the Dominion wanted nothing to do with the Alpha Quadrant."
188, Brian Fouche of Kingsport, TN: "You talk about the Albino's security forces in 'Shadowplay.' In case you didn't notice, there AIN'T no Albino in that episode! I think you mean 'Blood Oath'?" Oops, sorry, oops!
Season Three
195, Joseph Meslovich of Grottoes, VA: "You say the stardate for 'The Search, Part 1' was 48467.3. I do not think that is right. I am certain that the stardate for "The Search, Part 1" was 48212.4." And you would be right! In fact, the manuscript I submitted to Dell had a stardate of 48212.4 on this episode. So I have no idea what happened here! No doubt, this is a part of a smear campaign conducted by the Para Mounties to ruin my credibility!
224, Joseph Meslovich of Grottoes, VA: "You say that the stardate is unknown for 'Defiant,' but oddly enough there is a date given and it was 48467.3." Same situation here as on page 195. My manuscript has this correct. Somewhere along the line it got changed and I have no idea why!
229, Murray Leeder of Calgary, Alberta: "According to the Places Triathlon Trivia answers, the Grand Nagus was planning on taking a vacation on Bajor, and Terok Nor used to orbit Balosnee VI!" Looks like the answers got switched somehow, doesn't it?
241, Gregory Pietsch of Ewing, NJ: "You describe the technique of starting in the middle when searching as a 'half search' (your term) and 'binary sort.' Actually, both terms are half right. The correct term is 'binary search'."
242, Jeff Carpenter of Springfield, VA: "You talked about Dax's trip through the sewers. Specifically, you said that she was 'normal, radiant, spotless...' I'd urge you to reconsider that last word, seeing as how she's, well, a Trill!" How true, too true!
261, Murray Leeder of Calgary, Alberta: "You repeated a common error in that sidebar. Lewis Carroll never wrote a book called 'Alice In Wonderland'. He wrote a book called 'Alice's Adventures In Wonderland', and another called 'Through The Looking Glass'."
275, John Lange of Alexandria, VA: "The Changed Premise for this episode [on the Shameless Plugs section of your web site reads,] 'There is only one explanation that I can imagine. "Emissary" establishes that the wormhole is in the "Denorios Belt" while this episode says that it's a long way from the station to the "Denorias Belt." See the difference? So . . . it's possible that this isn't a nit. It's possible that the creators are just playing with our minds!' The interesting thing I noted was that in the guide, there must have been an editorial problem, for in my copy of the DS9 Guide, every occurrence of the word 'Denorias' has been changed to 'Denorios'. So, in the Guide, it says "'Emissary' establishes that the wormhole is in the 'Denorios Belt' while this episode says that it's a long way from the station to the 'Denorios Belt.' See the difference?" I'm certain that anyone who read that portion of the nit would have been completely confused about the difference between Denorios and Denorios." Yup! Somewhere along the line, it got changed. I noticed the error and passed along my instructions to change it back to the way it was originally but my correction got lost!
283, Lisa Solinas: "When you wrote down that Leeta was poofing her cleavage, you gave three possibilities. Either she didn't want any Ferengi to see her *ahem* that way, or the actress didn't realize this part was rolling, or dabo-costumes require constant adjustment to keep Quark's an R-rated place. X-rated, Phil, X-rated, judging from the earlier costumes." So she was trying to keep Quark's from become XX-rated?! By the way, I met Chase Masterson last year and we chatted about this scene. She didn't know the camera was rolling!
Season Four
297, Gordon Davie of Edinburgh, Scotland: "In 'The Way of the Warrior,' you question the fact that the sand-peas O'Brien and Bashir are consuming no longer make them reach instantly for their drinks, as they did when first introduced in 'Rules of Acquisition.' Could it be that the peas in that first episode were specially treated by Pel to con Quark into thinking that was their usual effect - once he had bought the supply he found they didn't work like that after all! This would be completely in character for the Ferengi! (It's a while since I've watched either episode, so there may be something in the dialogue or whatever to contradict this.)"
298, Gordon Davie of Edinburgh, Scotland: "Also, in 'The Way of the Warrior,' you return to the fact that Cardassian kanar keeps changing color. I don't see this as a problem at all - imagine the Cardassia-published 'Nitpicker's Guide to Taxi' by Gul Farrand, 'In one episode, Elaine and Alex partake of an Earth-drink called 'wine, ' which is pale, off-white, almost transparent. In another show, Elaine and Louie drink 'wine' but this time it's dark red.' Just different types of kanar?"
308, Murray Leeder of Calgary, Alberta: "Dukat was a legate. In 'Return to Grace,' he mentions that the Detapa Council was going to restore his legate status."
313, Shannon Ryan of Madison, WI: "For the first trivia question, you asked how old Gabrielle Belle was in Rom's guidebook. The book was actually Nog's."
314-315, Eric Penner Haury of Vista, CA: "Just read the idea that Federation Standard isn't English because of the Earth guide book in the Ferengi shuttle. But in 'All Good Things,' Crusher uses the phrase 'In English, Data.' to ask for clarification of his anti-time description. Now I believe that that isn't a translation of 'In Federation Standard, Data.' I think she actually said 'In English, Data.' I could go on explaining things I don't think it means; but I consider that to mean that English is Federation Standard (with additions from other human and non-human languages, since English has always been a borrower of words)." Ah, but how do we know the universal translator isn't at work to produce the phrase, "In English, Data."? (Wink, wink)
315, Stefan Osterburg of Brandenburg, Germany: "You say that the Universal Translator kicked in to translate the Federation Standard on the guide book's title 'S^DK&JU8H' into 'EARTH'. Well... that can't be true. While all the dialogues were translated to German by the UT (grin) the title of the book still read 'EARTH' and not 'ERDE' like it should have."
315, Eric Penner Haury of Vista, CA: "I see a comment in the same episode's entry about Vulcans and warp, how it would've taken the Romulans a long time to get to Romulus without warp. Well, yeah. But the fact that it's inconvenient isn't proof it didn't happen. The pyramids would've been built more easily with modern technology (I don't hold to the aliens-built-them belief) but they made do. And the Romulans, who live longer than we do, would have endured it."
319, Matthew Chase Maxwell of San Francisco, CA: "You expressed surprise at the Captain's reaction to learning the news that Quark had been charging a 4% surcharge for a search for changeling infiltrators. I think it's likely that the surprise was not aimed at the search, but rather at the surcharge. Since the Federation controls the wormhole, it seems only reasonable that it would mandate such a search of vessels. No doubt the Federation would be displeased to learn that Quark is charging for something it has ordered done for free. I realize that the Federation doesn't always act reasonably (as you have noted on page after page! Exasperating, is it not?!?), but this is a precaution I would have taken. Of course, if this is the policy, then the Founders are adept indeed at infiltration."
319, Daniel B. Case of Woodmere, OH: "You referred to the TOS episode 'Balance of Power.' Uh, maybe you meant 'Balance of Terror'?
323-324, Murray Leeder of Calgary, Alberta: "I figured that when the Kahless clone was talking about how he forged 'this sword' and everything that he did with it, he was speaking of the bat'leth in general (as a model). He sort of used that one to epitomize the bat'leth." Well, the clerics were indignant that he was holding that bat'leth in "Righteous Heir." Normally, that type of emotion is reserved for sacred relics, not stand-ins.
327, Brian Fouche of Kingsport, TN: "'Past Prolouge' should be 'Past Prologue'."
329, David D. Porter of River Ridge, LA: "You mention how interesting it was that Doctor Bare carried a handcuff key around. I thought she gave Julian a hairpin, long a favorite lockpick for budding McGyvers. And in the same episode, Nana Visitor's Russian accent is orders of magnitude better than Walter Koenig's."
331, Ian and Ruth Stuart-Hamilton of Worchester, United Kingdom: "Some extra info you might find useful (if someone hasn't supplied it already). The captioned lyrics to the incidental music in the Club Ingenue scene are from 'You Really Got Me' by The Kinks. The song was a hit (at least in Britain) about the time the action is supposed to take place. However, the instrumental music is not the tune for 'You Really Got Me'. To our unmusical ears, it sounds like a variation on the DS9 signature tune. It's interesting how other incidental music in this episode makes reference to the James Bond signature tune without ever directly copying it (e.g. the braying brass section just after Bashir and Garek escape the laser; the twanging guitar at the end). Also, the use of names in Our Man Bashir is cringeworthy, as you note (e.g. the pseudonyms which Bashir invents - 'Paul and Anastasia Merryweather' - P.M. and A.M.)."
333-334, Jeff Carpenter of Springfield, VA: "You question the fact that the Federation president can declare martial law on Earth. It seemed to you that the Earth government should be in charge of this. I think that we should assume Earth doesn't HAVE a government! In this episode, Jaresh-Inyo declares martial law, in Star Trek IV, Starfleet deals with the threat of the probe (granted, if there was an Earth government, they would have shoved this problem onto them anyway, but work with me here), and if you'll look at the shot of Starfleet HQ in the next show, 'Paradise Lost,' you'll see an interesting detail. You know the 47-48 junction on the tram system? Well, it has the Federation Seal on it! There you have it! The Federation, it seems, is even in charge of the Earth transportation network. It looks as if we have no choice but to acknowledge the fact that Earth is, in fact, some sort of Federation territory, and little more. It is the command for the Federation AND Starfleet. Perhaps that has something to do with it?"
334, Brian O'Marra of Little Rock, AR: "You mention parasites in the TNG episode, 'Contagion.' It was 'Conspiracy.'" Yup! So it was!
338, Aaron Hertz of Durham, NC: "Let me discuss the matter of your motto: 'Ex Astro Trekkio, nitpickius.' I realize that it was meant as a joke, but I just can't stand bad Latin! Astra, Astrae f. star is second declension. That means that the proper ablative singular would be astra. Second, the word for 'trek' or 'journey' is iter, itineris. So, the proper ablative singular of that would be itinere. There is no verb 'to nitpick,' so I guess that nitpickio, -are, -avi, -atus will do. However, I assume that you want it to say 'Out of Star Trek, Nitpicking.' You would need the gerunditive (I think!), which unfortuantly I haven't learned yet. (I'm only in Latin 2!) So, maybe someone else will fix the rest! The motto should go something like 'Ex Astra Itinere, [some form of nitpickio].'"
338, Jack Reasoner of Adrian, MI: "You refer to 'the Changeling chat above,' apparently meaning the O'Brien duplicate's conversation with Sisko outside of the Academy. However, whatever the 'above' reference originally was, it didn't survive to the final printing of the book." Whoops!
339, Jack Reasoner of Adrian, MI: "The Lakota was not the first series appearance of the Enterprise-B-type Excelsior class. Watch very carefully the end of 'Way of the Warrior,' when the Venture is shown docked at the station. In the background, two Excelsior-class ships cruise past, their warp nacelles glowing blue. None of the other Excelsior-class ships had glowing nacelles, until the Enterprise-B version for Star Trek Generations."
341, Michaela Schlocker of Stanford, CA: "Just a FYI, about the turbolift/'how tall is the docking ring' nit. The reason they messed that up: it's a 47 in disguise. I have word from Robert Hewitt Wolfe that Rene Echevarria (who wrote 'Crossfire') is one of Brannon Braga's 'pals', and that he 'wouldn't put it past him' to hide 47s like Brannon has been known to do. So, Odo orders the turbolift to level 2-D; 'Worf' says there is a turbolift stuck on level 41. If D is four (as in the infamous '4-G' from VOY awhile ago), then two plus four plus forty-one...47. That's the only reason I could think of that would make them say the docking ring was more than forty levels tall...for the sake of a 47, accuracy will be sacrificed from time to time."
358, Ronn Hubbard, Jr. of Dexter, KY: "Odo also shape-shifts (his arm into a super-stretcho arm) in 'The Maquis.' (I don't know which one, Pt. 1 or Pt. 2.) Also, in 'Facets' (changes his clothes)."
358-359, Andrew Hackard: "You've missed a few in your Hodgepodge Tote Board. Most obvious: Molly O'Brien, first seen (but unnamed) in 'Disaster'. Then there's Gul Evek, first seen in 'Journey's End' and then in 'The Maquis'. My personal favorite miss is Thomas Riker, from TNG 'Second Chances' and then 'Defiant'. Also: Gowron in 'Reunion' (et seq.) and 'The House of Quark' (not to mention 'The Way of the Warrior'...whoops); Kurn in 'Sins of the Father' and 'The Sons of Mogh'; And I've probably missed a couple myself, so nitpick right back at me!" These toteboards are tough to get right!
358-359, Murray Leeder of Calgary, Alberta: "Toral from 'The Sword of Kahless' also got his start on NextGen (with a different actor, albeit). And that episode did air before 'Paradise Lost'. "
358-359, Stacie Rosenzweig of Beloit, WI: "You also missed Locutus, sort of...(you said characters, not actors, anyway)"
358-359, Ronn Hubbard, Jr. of Dexter, KY: "George Primmin: The Starfleet Security Guy you mentioned in 'The Passenger' also appeared in TNG's 'Brother.' By the way, Gul Evek (listed above) first appeared in DS9, then appeared on TNG and then Voyager!" As far as Primmin is concerned, I think I would have missed him no matter what!
369, Murray Leeder of Calgary, Alberta: "The story that Jake starts in 'The Muse' is 'Anselem,' not 'Anslem.'"
377, Trevor Ruppe of Hickory, NC: "At one point in the book you mention (I can't remember where or why) the film 'Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail.' This is a mistake. The actual title of the film is 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail.'"
Index
393, Aaron Nadler of New Cumberland, PA: "I was leafing through the index, I saw an entry for 'Ménage à Troi' . Is this the TNG episode 'Menage a Troi'?" Looks like that didn't encode correctly! "é" is suppose to be an "e" with an accute marking over it and "à" is supposed to be an "a" with a grave marking over it. This kind of stuff happens when you go from IBM format to Mac (and back) sometimes!
Back Pages
Robert Beeler of Knoxville, TN: "I noted that two pages of the guide were blank space with the heading 'New Nits.' Cheap way to add pages to the book Phil?" Getting a book to paginate correctly is always a bit of a challenge. The problem is that the Guides are printed on what's called a "web press" that uses 32 page "signatures." That means that if the book is 417 pages long, you will have 31 blank pages at the end since the pages can only come in multiples of 32! Publishers don't like it when there's a lot of blank pages at the end of a book. In the case of the Guides, Dell wants them at 416 pages total. So I cut the DS9 Guide accordingly. I also allowed for two blank pages at the end just in case. I figured it was better to have a few extra pages in the back than to have to cut at the last minute. Steve Ettlinger and his crew decided to put in the headings!
Back Cover
Brian Lombard of Gaithersburg, MD: "On the back cover of the DS9 Guide, you have what appears to be an eye staring at us! Is this intentional? An homage to the creators putting Spock's face in the opening credits? If you don't know what I'm talking about, look directly under the word 'Sometimes' in the third question. Somebody's staring at me!"
Jeff Carpenter of Springfield, VA: "On the back cover, you talk about how Sisko said the wormhole was 70,000 light years long in 'Emissary' but 90,000 light years a few shows later. In 'Emissary,' Sisko didn't say the wormhole was 70,000 light years long. The computer said 'Gamma Quadrant,' and Sisko said 'The Gamma Quadrant? 70,000 light years from Bajor?' This means that the Gamma Quadrant, not the wormhole exit, is 70,000 light years away, and the wormhole really is 90,000 light years, placing it 20,000 light years into the Gamma Quadrant and nullifying the nit. That's my take on the situation, anyway." Perhaps, but if Sisko really thinks the Gamma Quadrant is 70,000 light years from Bajor he needs to take another look at his Rand-McNally Galactic Atlas. I believe the Milky Way Galaxy--at its widest point is 100,000 light years in diameter. That means that at their widest points, each quadrant is 50,000 light years. And since the quadrants converge in the center of the galaxy, no point in any quadrant can be over 50,000 light years from the edge of the other three quadrants.
More nits that were cut from the NextGen II Guide!
Evolution Star Date: 43125.8
Wesley creates a new lifeform--the nanites--and they proceed to wreck havoc with the ship.
After Stubbs kills the nanites in the upper core, Troi visits him in his quarters. In the NextGen Guide on pages 142 and 143, I pointed out a continuity and production problem in this scene. It involves a missing door swish. Obviously I didn't explain it very well because I have received a great many letters stating that the door swish does exist. I rechecked my tape with headphones and it's not there, so either we are listening at two different spots in the scene or there's more than one version of this episode floating around. Let me see if I can describe where the door swish is missing on my tape again. Troi comes to visit Stubbs. Door swishes open. Troi comes into the room. Door swishes shut. Troi talks with Stubbs. Stubbs won't talk. Troi turns to go. Camera shows us close-up of Stubbs. Camera changes to wide shot. Troi stands beside an open door but no door swish is heard previous to this shot to signal its opening.
Daniel Aguilar of Barcelona, Spain wondered what the poor little nanites were going to do on Kavis Alpha IV without any memory chips to eat. It's a legitimate question. I suspect that the nanites have the capability to break apart the chemical bonds in any substance and therefore could create their raw materials out of practically anything.
After reading my conclusion that zippers cannot exist on the uniforms of 24th century Starfleet personnel on page 158 of the NextGen Guide, Eric Kobrin of Miami, FL wrote to correct me when I said that the season three "Starfleet uniforms no longer have zippers down the front" on page 142. Eric noted that the statement implies the uniforms once had zippers which, of course, they could not because zippers don't exist in the 24th century. (Gotta watch those nitpickers. They'll get ya every time.)
David Yalden of Flinstone, GA had a humorous opinion concerning this episode. Early in the episode during the conversation between Picard and Crusher about Wesley, the captain says he knew it was difficult for Beverly to be away. David asked, "What does he mean it was hard on her? What about all of us who had to sit and look at Dr. Pulaski episode after episode in Crusher's absence? Have you no pity, Captain, for those who have suffered needlessly?" (Sorry. I admit this was unkind towards Pulaksi, but true! Just joking.)
The episode opens with a long panning shot of Wesley's lab. In the foreground lies a half-opened canister. Presumably, the nanites escaped because he left the lid off. Yet, when checking for the nanites later, Wesley yanks the lid completely off and checks the interior with a scanner. If the nanites were in the canister to begin with, wouldn't this allow them to escape? Wouldn't it be better to leave the canister sealed and scan it externally?
At one point, "Stars and Stripes Forever" comes blaring across the communications system on the bridge. Everyone on the bridge, including Stubbs, dutifully looks up. Then everyone on the back wall goes back to working at their stations while Picard, Riker and Data shout about how they are losing one system at a time. All the while, Stubbs stares nonchalantly at one of the Science Stations. It is quite simple to deduce from the conversation that Picard is considering taking the Enterprise out of the area, thereby negating the experiment that Stubbs has planned for 20 years. Yet, the scientist does not react until Picard actually gives the order to leave. Either Stubbs simply couldn't hear the discussion over the music or he really wasn't paying attention.
The Engineering Station along the back of the main bridge displays an amazing sensitivity in this episode. After the computer rattles the bridge crew with the fake Borg attack, La Forge takes up a position halfway between the wooden railing and the Engineering Station. He tells Picard that he'd better get back to Main Engineering. Dutifully, the Engineering Station shuts itself off!
The all-knowing communicator once again functions as a glutius maximus protector for young Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher. After Guinan discovers him skulking around behind her bar, Wesley comes clean and tells her about his science project. As the conversation ends, Dr. Crusher pages her son. Wesley taps his badge and responds after which Beverly reminds him that he should be in his quarters. He says he is on his way and immediately says to Guinan, "You won't tell anyone, will you? I know, I will." At this point, I would fully expect Dr. Crusher to say--over the comline--"Won't tell anyone what, Wesley?" Of course, Dr. Crusher doesn't say this because the communicator shuts off really fast so Wes won't get in trouble.
This is a bit out of the normal realm of my nitpicking but interesting enough to warrant some attention. Tracy Adshead and Laurie Gaut of Staffordshire, England sent me a photocopy of the cover of the box for the prerecorded episodes "Evolution" and "Ensigns of Command" as sold in England. For some reason, the box includes a picture of three Buddhist-like monks. A smiling Data rests his hand on the center monk's shoulder. I don't recall ever seeing monks on the bridge of the Enterprise in either of these episodes. Indeed, I don't recall ever seeing a monk on the Enterprise. Why are they on the cover of this box?
In the opening pan of Wesley's laboratory, you can clearly see an earring hole on the left lobe of the young acting ensign. Had a bit of a wild fling over the summer vacation when we weren't looking, did he?
After Stubbs incinerates the nanites in the upper part of the computer core, Data and Worf march him onto the bridge. At this point, Crusher and Troi are no where to be seen. The episode goes to a commercial and when it returns both of the women magically appear. True, the scene begins with Stubbs next to Picard instead of near the upper turbolift but how long would it take to walk would the ramp? 7 seconds? (Picard probably brought him down the ramp and said, "Now you stand right there and don't move, young man, until Dr. Crusher and Counsellor Troi get up here so they can hear what a bad boy you've been!")
Thanks to: Tracy Adshead and Laurie Gaut of Staffordshire, England; Nathan Orr of Colorado Springs, CO; Steven Peter of Appleton, WI; Jonathan Upton of Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario; Michelle Watkins of Durham, NC; Shantelle Williams of Sauk Village, IL
The Ensigns of Command Star Date: 43133.4
Data must convince a group of settlers to leave a world deeded by treaty to the Sheliak Corporate.
On page 145 of the NextGen Guide, I pondered the varying designations on the elements of the treaty with the Sheliak. The first locator phrase used is "Paragraph 653, sub paragraph 9," the next, "Section 501, paragraph 716, subparagraph 5," and the last, "Paragraph 1290, subsection D-3." I couldn't understand why a legal binding document would use so many different combinations of designations. Robert DeVoe of St. Ann, MO provided an answer when he reminded me that hundreds of legal experts from the Federation worked on this document. Need I say more?
So, just how did the settlers adapt to hyperonic radiation? Crusher offers a possible way. The settlers say they found a way. But, what was it?
At one point, Data stirs up enough trouble talking with the colonists that the leader calls a town meeting. The individuals in this settlement display a stunning amount of apathy towards their possible destruction. Out of the over 15,000 individuals who live in the colony, only about 50 show up! (It's probably the hyperonic radiation. It makes everybody sleepy.)
I wonder if that nifty pattern enhancer that O'Brien uses in "Power Play" would help the Enterprise's transporters function in hyperonic radiation.
Here's an interesting little tidbit (not a nit). Wanting to let the Sheliak stew after he declares the treaty in abeyance, Picard ignores their hails and wanders over to the dedication plaque of the Enterprise. Once there, he performs the age-old inspection routine of checking the edge of the plaque for dust. Obviously, the captain is a traditionalist. After all, who's he going to dress down if he finds it dirty? According to "Up the Long Ladder," the ship cleans itself!
Thanks to: Lynette Farrand of Springfield, MO, Robert DeVoe of St. Ann, MO; Real Laporte of Montreal, Quebec and Lee Zion of the USS Kitty Hawk
The Survivors Star Date: 43152.4-43153.7
Picard uncovers the truth about the two survivors of a Husnak attack on Delta Rana IV.
On page 148 of the NextGen Guide, I spent a considerable amount of space showing that Kevin Uxbridge had to be able to sense the Enterprise in orbit above the planet yet acted surprised every time as away team appeared. P.T.H. Carder of Lancashire, England explained this discrepancy by suggesting that Kevin intentionally made himself unaware to hide the fact that he was a superbeing.
Who Watches The Watchers Star Date: 43173.5-43174.2
Picard is mistaken for a diety by the inhabitants of Mintaka III.
On page 150 of the NextGen Guide I pointed out that Picard wears a sling at the end of this episode for his last meeting with the Mintakans and recalled that after Jono stabbed him in "Suddenly Human," Picard showed up on the bridge completely well. David Shelton of Birmingham, AL explained this discrepancy as a studied attempt by Picard and Crusher to convince the Mintakans that they were flesh and blood. David believes that Crusher completely healed Picard but the captain wore the sling to demonstrate that he had been injured.
When the anthropologists lose power in their observation post, their holographic generator quits working. This allows a Mintakan to see the Starfleet personnel and precipitates the episode's crisis. The observation post appears to be in a highly trafficed area. This makes sense. The scientists need to observe their subjects. It does raise a question however. Just how fast can Starfleet put up one of these observatories? Could they beam it down intact and fire it up at night so the Mintakans won't see it being built? It appears to be chiselled into a rock face. Can the transporter remove the stone and install the outpost at the same time? And, if not, does Starfleet have to use some type of tractor beam to hold the upper portion of the rock in place until they slip in the observation station underneath?
Thanks to: Stuart Davis of East Sussex, England
The Bonding Star Date: 43198.7
When Jeremy Aster's mother dies on a mission, Worf determines to bond with the young boy.
After the death of Aster, Picard sends La Forge down to the planet to determine the cause. Note that the captain doesn't send Riker or Data or Worf. Why? Because Riker and Data need to have a heart to heart talk in Ten-Forward concerning the manner in which humans feel the death of others. (Actually, with Data I suppose it would be more of a heart to "pump" talk.)
There seems to be a tremendous amount of grieving over Marla Aster's death. At one point, Troi even says that the high emotions of the crew interfere with her abilities to fully discern an alien presence on the ship. Yet, in other shows, deaths of the disposable ensigns don't seem to elicit nearly this much response. I wonder why? Did the entire crew really know her that well?
Thanks to: Heather Romano of McKees Rocks, PA
Booby Trap Star Date: 43205.6
An ancient Promellian battle cruiser lures the Enterprise into an asteroid field filled with aceton assimilators.
Early on, awed by the simplicity of the Promellian bridge, Picard comments that the Promellians were building ships when humans were perfecting the mechanical clock, one thousand years ago. According to various sources, this episode occurs in the year is 2366 AD. In other words, Picard is saying that humans were perfecting the mechanical clock somewhere around 1366 AD. While it is true that human had invented the mechanical clock in the 14th century, according to Michael Smith, we weren't perfecting it until the late 17th century.
This is a cheap shot, but as long as we are here . . . arguing over how to proceed, La Forge tells the simulation of Brahms that the Enterprise has travelled "tens of thousands of lights years." What happened to the 2.7 million light years the Enteprise travelled in "Where No One Has Gone Before"?
Trying to determine why the Enterprise can't move out of the asteroid belt--even with the engines running at warp--La Forge checks readings on three different panels. Who designed this user interface? Why should the Chief Engineer have to take a little jog around the engine room just to get some readouts on the warp drive? (My guess is that some committee in the bureaucratic labyrinth of engineers who design Starfleet vessels had a hand in this oddity. They probably go under the title, "Committee to Ensure that Chief Engineers Engage in Adequate Levels of Exercise." Otherwise, known as the "put it way over there" guys.)
Trying to suggest that the computer could fly the ship out of danger, Brahms says, "I could do it." Confused, La Forge says even Data couldn't do it and certainly no human could. To this Brahms replies, "I'm not human." Isn't this supposed to be a simulation of Leah Brahms? Why then is it functioning as a mouth piece for the main computer? A true simulation of Leah Brahms should only exhibit that attitudes and abilities of the real Leah Brahms, right?
Why don't the aceton assimilators draw energy from Data?
Moments later, Worf soon walks up to a console with a flashing red button and silences the battle cruiser's distress call. At first, I didn't see a problem with this. I assumed Worf pushed the button. On close inspection, it appears that Worf operates the small control panel beneath the flashing red button. The sound effects indicate that the Security Chief makes two key presses. When did Worf learn to read Promellian? Or, did he just hunt and peck around the control pad until he happened on the right switch?
Are the engine nacelles always lit up with blue when the warp core pulses? Coming back from a commercial--just after the computer shuts down La Forge's simulation of Brahms (to his great distress, I might add)--an outside shot of the ship shows the nacelles dark. But, a few moments later, the scene shows La Forge in Engineering and the warp core powered up in the background.
The staff meeting also opens with a wide shot of the observation lounge showing the asteroid field and the stars beyond it. The stars move left to right. All subsequent close-ups show the stars moving right to left without any asteroids in the foreground.Thanks to: Pierre Bastien of Cap-de-la-Madeleine, Quebec; Evan Blaisdell of Groton, CT; Eric Greve of Drummondville, Quebec; Brian Lombard of Gaithersburg, MD; Michael Smith of Willowdale, Ontario and David Yalden II of Flinstone, GA
Nitpicking. The Final Expression of Fandom. These are the Continuing Communications of Nitpicker Central
I always enjoy hearing from you. Here are a few excerpts from recent communications. Obviously, I didn't have the space to include something from every letter I've received over the last few months but I trust you'll find these interesting! Two items of old business and then on to the new stuff!
Picard's Secret Identity (Part 2)
Alan Brown of Burlington, Ontario responded to Johanna Sundberg's observation that Picard used the feminine gender of "parisienne" when he greeted Minute in "11001001." He commented: "The short answer is that Picard did not say 'nous sommes tous parisienne,' as Joanne Varby believes, he says 'nous sommes tous parisiens.' ('We--men or men and women--are Parisian') [It sounds identical to] 'Nous sommes tous parisienne' and [is] perfectly legitimate."
Starfleet Door Technology (Part 2)
Lila R. Kulp of Lawrence, KS observed, "I am amazed by the amount of comments [Janeway's sudden restoration of hairdo near the beginning of 'Caretaker'] has raised. Shortly after the episode aired that was one of the major things pointed out on the news groups that Janeway's hair seemed to fix itself. Being a person with long hair I often put it up for a number of reasons. I can do so with no more than a pencil and easily in the time it takes to ride down turbolift from the bridge to Engineering." True--and I've seen my daughter perform similar feats. But, I think nitpickers are reacting to the perfection of her hair style when she enters Engineering. If I recall correctly, Janeway doesn't just wrap her hair up in a pencil, every hair is exactly in place with that big bun thing she used to wear.
Picard's Performance Review After Star Trek: First Contact
Mark Luta of Cincinnati, OH apprised, "On the subject of Picard, my point is clearly proven that politics are the only reason he is in command of the Enterprise. Starfleet clearly hoped to avoid losing another ship with him in command, but he did his best to lose it anyway! I was even impressed with him for the first time when he gave his Security Officer the 'fight to the death' orders . . . but then, five minutes later, he wimped out and rescinded them. I am unclear why activating the self-destruct mechanism and ordering his crew to fight to the death were mutually exclusive. The two tactically correct options were either to destroy the ship immediately (the Ro Laren solution), or give Security a chance to take the ship back, but activate the self-destruct mechanism as a backup in case they failed (my solution). The one thing to not do was activate the self-destruct mechanism, then back off for fifteen minutes to give the Borg time to take the ship and deactivate the self-destruct mechanism, as did indeed happen. Clearly, a vintage Picard solution! (And is it just me, or are Starfleet warships unusually easy to capture?)" Describing this phenomenon for the Nitpickers Guild Glossary, Lee Lorenz of Fenton, MI coined the term "IFOS." It stands for "'Invader-Friendly' Operating System."
Postcards From Beyond the Shore
Raymond Young of Northumberland, England wrote "In the United Kingdom both DS9 and Voyager are released every month on tape in attractively packed editions. Each tape contains two episodes and a limited edition postcard depicting artwork as shown on the tape cover. Are these available in the United States or is this something Paramount only does for the overseas market?" I talked with my buddy Larry Nemecek about this and he seemed to think this was only an overseas deal.
The Short Detour Home
Tri Minh Nguyen of Gelsenkirchen, Germany noted, "I saw Voyager in Star Trek: First Contact! Did you notice that too? [Actually,] I was looking at "The Making Of First Contact", and in the scene where the Federation fights against the Borg-cube, there is a shot where the camera is located 'above' Voyager, so that you can see the front part of the ship. Well, I froze that shot and, in fact, that ship has the registry number NCC-74656."
The Mighty Klingons: Warriors and Healers
Trellis K. Coolong of Orono, ME wrote, "In ST IV: The Voyage Home, Chekov's cortical stimulator that Bones used on him in the hospital must've been designed by the Klingons. It looks like the engine housing from the Original Series Klingon Battle Cruiser. I put the AMT model together and noticed that this was a piece from that model kit, right down to the raised grooves on the sides for the engines to rest on."
I Guess She Lost The Bet!
Brendan Dillon: I remember in a TNG episode, where Crusher was playing poker with Riker, Worf, and Geordi, and they made a deal that if Crusher won, all three men had to shave; but if one of the men won, Crusher had to dye her hair blonde. She commented that she tried being a blonde when she was in the Academy, but she didn't think it looked very good. So why the change in First Contact?"
Here A Clone, There A Clone, Everywhere A Clone, Clone
May S. Chin of Santa Barbara, CA wondered "About Riker's claim that cloning him would diminish him in ways he could not imagine: Somebody (you, Phil?) said he didn't have much of a problem with someone cloning him. So let's suppose someone did clone you and the clone goes off and becomes the mother of all sociopaths. Now, do you still not have a problem with the idea of someone cloning you?" I'm me. Ain't nobody else could possibly be me because they'll never have my experiences or my accomplishments. So . . . no, it wouldn't bother me. It might even be fascinating to see how much would be similar. And--as far as the possibility of the person turning evil--I freely admit that if I had not had my upbringing I would be a much different and potentially destructive person! One last item on this topic by way of a prediction, I would expect to see the first human clone make a public appearance in under five years. It's just too easy now that the scientists have figured out how to do it. It will happen no matter what the laws. I wouldn't even be surprised to hear that the human experiments are already secretly underway in some out-of-the-way place around the globe!
To Sideburn Or Not To Sideburn
Jules Langley of London, England observed during "Investigations," Tom Paris really gets into the spirit of the part when he jumps ship. Having done what is (allegedly) his final duty shift on Voyager, he changes into civilian clothing to pack and say his farewells. More important however, he shaves off those little pointy Starfleet issue sideburns. (Well, I guess that makeup just didn't bother gluing them on that week, but you know what I mean!) And he's still minus the sideburns when he does his daring escape and returns to Voyager in the Kazon shuttle. However, when Neelix interviews him about his experiences the next day they've amazingly grown back already." I tried to check this but I can't find my tape of that episode. Sounds like a fun nit!
Of Episode Titles and Contemplations
Andrew E. Love, Jr. of Columbia, MD: "More as a complaint than as a nit, I'd like to register dissatisfaction with Next Generation episode titles. Where Classic Trek had descriptive or evocative titles and very few titles that could be mistaken for one another (although I will confess to confusing 'Operation: Annihilate' with 'The Immunity Syndrome'), Next Generation gives us 'The Child,' 'The Offspring,' 'Firstborn' and 'Galaxy's Child,' and other such generic titles as 'The Battle.' [Just for fun,] my friends and I made up fake titles for several Next Generation episodes:'
"Instead of 'The Child,' how about 'Is There in Troi No Baby?' Instead of 'The Naked Now,' 'The Naked Not Again' seems more appropriate as does "The Deadly Bore' as opposed to 'Unnatural Selection.' (Sorry, but retreads of vintage Trek plots really bother us.) Or how about the episode in which people can't dream? Everyone's favorite Klingon is convinced he's going insane, and is about to kill himself, when Deanna bursts into his quarters. 'Worf, no!' So, instead of 'Night Terrors,' how about calling this one 'The Troi Who Cried Worf'?" I have to agree that the titles have seemed a bit lackluster. One that bothered me was the second season episode of Voyager called "The Thaw." It was an interesting concept about a physical embodiment of Fear in the form of a clown and the efforts of the crew to fight it. Personally, I thought "But Fear Itself" would have been a far superior title but, then again, I'm just the nitpicker, what do I know?
Kirk's Psychosis
Eric Penner Haury of Vista, CA reported, "A quotation I heard on PBS from a decent British comedy starring Rowan Atkinson as a London Bobby. His subordinate, in the course of conversation gives the 'Boldly go where no man has gone before' line. He responds by warning the subordinate not to split his infinitives. The character responds, 'Capt. Kirk did it.' To which the Atkinson character replies, 'Capt. Kirk regularly accepts figures painted blue with plastic forehead attachments as beings from another planet. I think we can reasonably dismiss him as on authority on anything.' The writer of that ditty must have a thing for Andorians." Puts the entire Star Trek series in a different light doesn't it? (Wink, wink)
In Honor of Saint Patrick's Day
Ronan Mitchell of Dublin, Ireland sent the rough names for the Star Trek series, translated into Irish. The Original series: "Realt turas", TNG: "Realt Turas: an gluain nua", DS9: "Realt turas: stasuin a naoi" and Voyager: "Realt Turas: Turaseoir"
Holo-nits
Greg Heathcliffe of Wilts, England noted, "Picard, while walking on the holodeck during 'Elementary, Dear Data'--just prior to the attempted robbery--picks up a 2d (tuppence) piece. Such a coin did not exist until 1971 when it was 2 New Pence (equal to five old pennies) and so I submit would not have been part of a programme set in the 1800s." Unless, of course, the holodeck programmers had a nit in their setup! It's called virtual reality for a reason. It's only virtually true! (Grin.)
Groaners
I know some of you hate these and honestly they don't make the list unless they invoke the gag response in me but I've always believed a little pain is good for the soul! Thanks to Gordon J. Malkowski of San Antonio, TX; Wells P. Martin of Stamford, CT; Stephen Mendenhall of Ann Arbor, MI for the latest installements of the jokes that should have died before they saw the light of day!
The technology in these new 1997 model-year cars is amazing. Mine has a gauge that detects the proximity of changelings. It is called an "Odo-meter."
Why did Kirk leave 500 farmers behind at the end of Devil in the Dark? To study the Horta Culture!
What did Scotty use when the warp drive got a cold? Nacelle decongestant.
What did Data say when asking if his father was musically gifted? Khan Noonien Singh?