(Also available from Starland mirror site)
In a rush today! Sorry about the typos. First, some comments from previous columns . . .
Jason Barnes: I'd buy a Bond Guide.
Phil: Forty-three down . . .
Trevor Ruppe: I would buy a Bond Nitguide and a friend of mine is practically a Bond WORSHIPPER so he would DEFINITELY buy on.
Phil: Forty-four and forty-five down . . .
Scott Neugroschl: Sign me up! By the way, what would be considered canonical for Bond? We have:
1) The original Fleming novels & short stories
2) The films
3) The film "Never Say Never Again"
4) The John Garner novels
I would tend to make all of them canonical, as I believe that in a foreword to "License Renewed" Gardner says he had the blessing of the Fleming estate (I can't be sure -- I'm at work, and my copy of License Renewed is in mothballs at home)...
Phil: Couldn't tell ya without some research and I'm deep in Star Wars at the moment.
[From Someone Identified Only as Zhinx]: Just a bit of silly info
Ian Fleming, creator of James Bond, ALWAYS wanted Peter Sellers, not Sean Connery, etc, to portray 007. With Casino Royale he finally got his wish...sort of.
Adam Howarter of Stow, OH: Tachyons of course would be perfect for long range communication (score one for B5) as they travel faster then light, and thus BACKWARD in time.
As a weapon they could be devastating. You could leave a note for your great grandchildren to point their tachyon gun at a specific location and have it kill your great grand*fathers* worst enemy. There would simply be no way to defend yourself against someone with a tachyon weapon. On the other hande anyone who uses one has to be *REALLY* careful. If they're not, they could end up killing themselves last week.
Phil: That would be a bummer.
Joe Griffin: Mea Culpa!
Desmond Warzel is right and I am wrong. It was Phil Hartman portraying Heston, not Heston himself, who spoofed the "SoylentSequels" on SNL.
Murray Leeder: Of interest, on last season's futuristic episode of "Newsradio" Phil Hartman reads the radio commercial - "Soylent Green! Made from the best stuff on Earth... people!"
John Latchem: I love watching the other stations counter-program to the Winter Olympics. The UPN affiliate is showing both parts of TNG "Descent" and the WB affiliate is showing "Star Wars: The Special Edition." Ah the choices.
Phil: I found UPN advertising approach intriguing as well. "No, no to Nagano"?! It's not like the Winter Olympics comes only once every four years and honors people who have actually done something with their lives instead of creating programming that for the most part is worthless pap so that the rest of us can atrophy in our couches. "No, no to Nagano"?! Ick, ptooey. No, no to UPN! (Except Voyager, of course! ;-)
Tom Elmore, Columbia SC: I read that Chicago's WGN, (which owns a piece of the WB network) has announced that it is cutting the number of Cubs baseball games it will carrying this year, from 162 (or all of them) to 92! The reason, the WB has gotten so popular.
This is significant as WGN is also owned by the same people who own the Cubs. Producing telecasts of the Cubs games are simple and inexpensive, compare to broadcasts of "network" shows. Also the Cubs are the second most popular (in terms of tv and live audience) baseball team in America (after the Braves). Thus WGN is giving up a sure thing in favor of the young network. This means that WGN has a great deal of faith and/or has been seeing signs that WB is here to stay.
Since everyone is sharing their thoughts on WB vs. UPN, I'll add that all I watched on UPN was Voyager. There was nothing on it that appealed to me except ST:V and even that did not always appeal to me. In fact I find it interesting that for a show that promised us all new aliens and situations, it's best episodes related to things familar to us here in the Alpha quandrant, and that half of it's scripts seemed to be recycled from previous trek incarnations. Hardly not what we were promised. I think the so-call re-set button, is the producers way of back-tracking when a tangent they take the show on to click.
But back to the debate, UPN seemed to have the "if you build it, they will come" mentallity with UPN, and that Voyager would be the hook. It isn't and it has not happened, which is why UPN runs around like a chicken with it's head cut off. their inital plan failed, and they are grasping at straws to either figure out why or how to fix it.
The truth is I think that Upn is beyond repair. There is too much bad press, too much bleeding and Voyager is not the bait they hoped it would be. Star Trek fans are loyal to Star trek, not Paramont (which has angered some fans by attacking fan-based web sites.) Paramont simply doesn't understand this.
If I was in charge at paramont, I would ditch the whole UPN concept, offer Voyager to syndication and cut my losses. It seems at this point, only Paramont's ego is keeping UPN alive, the ratings surely aren't.
Thanks for letting me vent. Have a good week.
Murray Leeder: Now that we're talking about films with added footage, how about the bonus scenes of "Aliens"? Is that available on VHS any longer?
Phil: No idear! But probably!
Scott Neugroschl: While the long slow loving (and eventually BORING) shots of the Enterprise in the ST:TMP got a bit ridiculous, I thought that that was actually a flaw in ST:FC... There were NO reasonably long exterior shots of the Enterprise-E. I never really got a feel for what the ship looked like... I think they could have given us maybe just one 15 second shot so we could get a feel for the new ship... Of course, I didn't like the E-D getting trashed in Generations, but...
Murray Leeder: The suggestion of nitpicking "Titanic" made me wonder. How about a guide to the real epics of Hollywood? "Gone With the Wind", "Citizen Kane", "Casablanca", "Ben-Hur", "Lawrence of Arabia"... "Titanic" will certainly be considered a nineties equivalent of those in the future. Wouldn't that sell?
Phil: Personally, I think a movie guide is a great idea but TPTB are afraid it's no focused enough.
Jason Barnes: How would you do a Star Wars Guide by 1999 when that is the date for next set of movies to begin?
Phil: The plan would be for me to start next month (March), hand in a manuscript sometime in November. The disk woulc go to the printer in January. The book would hit the shelf sometime in either mid-March or mid-April in time to catch the publicity wave for the first prequel set to air on May 25, 1999. There are no plans to include the prequels in a possible Guide (maybe a few years down the road.)
Mickey Kochersperger: I'm sure you get alot of comments on what you should do a nitpickers guide on so I'll throw in my idea. a Highlander nitpicker guide.
Phil: Highlander is an interesting show!
Brian Webber: ER: If you do decide to do a guide for this, remember that in the two-hour pilot, Carol Hathaway actually died (she failed the foot test), but in episode two, thanks to Geroge Clooney's phone calls, she was magically resurrected. BTW, I don't take credit for that. Julliana Marguiles said so herself on the Rosie O'Donnel show.
Babylon 5: Five seasons, two TV movies. Still, it would be the shortest guide ever written.
Bug Hunt: Has anyone else voted for this?
Bond: Phil, if you're gonna do some of the nitpicking yourself, make sure you have plenty of aspirin by the time you get to the Roger Moore ones.
Phil: I don't believe anyone else has voted for a Bug guide, although if I had the oaky to do a Bug Guide, I could probably get the okay to do a Sci-Fi Movie Guide. (I would love to do a Sci-Fi "B"-Movie Guide . . . something along the lines of MST3K)
Trevor Ruppe: One more thing: I forgot to throw in my two-cents worth about the whole "Star Wars" Guide. I actually don't think you should bother. Why? Because either 1) you only have three canonical films to use, or 2) you have a TRUCKLOAD of novels, comics, CD-ROMs, etc. to plow through in order to do research for the SW Guide. The problem with that is, the first film has just completed shooting and is now in post-production for a 1999 release date! That means by the time you get the SWGuide written and published, the new film will be out--and will possibly contradict something (or several things) in the Guide. True, you'll be able to cash in on the "New Star Wars" merchandizing frenzy that's due next year, but you risk publishing an immediately-out-of-date book. Something to think about...
Phil: Except . . . Nitpicker's Guides are almost always "immediately-out-of-date"! Think about it: The NextGen Guide has only the first six seasons. The DS9 Guide has only the first four seasons. The X-phile Guide has only the first four seasons. If you don't get a media-tie-in property out when the "media" is hot, it won't sell! As to what will be included in the Star Wars Guide, IF I do one. I would only do stuff that has a story, i.e. the films, the novels and the comics. And, yes, there is a lot of stuff to plow through and I'm trying to put that list together now.
Marty Hecla: And just to ease up on the talk of a Bond guide... I would *definitely* buy a Buffy guide, Phil. ;-) (I know, I know, one down! Oops! That's your line, isn't it?)
Mike Farahbakhshian: Just a brief suggestion. How about a J.R.R. Tolkien nitpicking guide? Granted, it's not on TV or in movies (save in a terrible animated flick), BUT amount of canonical work makes it very easy to base a nitpick on.
Examples: the following are all related
The Hobbit
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
The Silmarrillion
The Road Goes Ever On (or something like that)
various unfinished writings and, I believe, 12 or 13 books consisting of
his son's commentary on his notes and such (interesting stuff)
various supplemental works, role playing games, etc. etc. which no doubt
have the blessing of the estate and are therefore kosher for dissection
Furthermore, Tolkien took pains to ensure continuity in his work which will make it quite the challenge. Of course, I haven't read him in two years so I might be overestimating the continuity ;)
As stated before -- just a suggestion -- but humbly submitted to the chief.
Phil: I am somewhat hesitant to start attempting to nitpick works that are mostly printed works. From the bit of research that I've done into the Star Wars novels, it appears that there will be a greater effort expended to nitpick a novel with few finished pages created in the payoff!
Bill: By the way, you say you didn't know of Gates being pregnant during NextGen but say Gillian Anderson was during the making of the X-Files episode "The Host". Well, Gates was seven months pregnant when they filmed the Next Gen episode - "The Host"!! The truth is out there!!!!
Phil: Oooo-eeeeee-oooooo!
Joe Griffin: [Concerning the dry streets in Chicago after the snowstorm,] Actually, it's the responsibility of a building owner to clear and/or salt the sidewalks in front of his/her building in downtown Chicago. He gets fined if he doesn't, and he's liable if someone is injured on "his" sidewalk.
Phil: Then my kudos should go to the businesses! ;-)
Patrick Sweeney: In the 2/6 column Joe Griffin says that Alan Dean Foster wrote the book for ST:TMP, but I thought that it was actually done by Gene Rodenberry? I could have sworn his name was on the cover of my old copy.
Matthew Patterson: I agree with everything he said except for one thing. The novelization of ST:TMP was NOT written by Alan Dean Foster. It is sitting on my shelf right now ad it says on the spine "Gene Roddenberry." It (the novel) is also mentioned in his official biography.
Phil: Thanks to John Latchem for sending this information along as well.
John Myers: First I think the ST: TMP novel is canon as it was written by Gene Rodenberry.
(I also take the Bill Shatner Novels as being more canonical as , hey, its Bill Shatner and he should know Kirk by now. BTW didn't you love the way he was saying whenever he was asked about Kirks "death" he was saying it was nothing to do with him, it was the ST writers! Then like a chameloid suddenly Shatner made the transformation to ST writer (from ST actor and Tek War writer).)
Phil: I can't remember for sure but I didn't think the novelization of The Motion Picture was on the canonical list that I saw!
Jim Elek of Sterling Heights, MI: Omer Belsky asks about Sela. Like you, I'm not privvy to these kind of production decisions, but I'll bet the character was dropped, because she wasn't a fan favorite. For me, it was because the explanation of her existence was in direct contradiction to Yesterday's Enterprise and slighty tarnished an otherwise great episode. I liked the idea of a strong, conniving female opponent, though. If only TPTB had not tried to create some kind of convoluted subplot at the same time...
Corey Hines, Hamilton, ON: We here in Canada get the X-Files at the exact same time as the Americans because we here in Southern Ontario are close to the border and a station called Global does a similcast and overrides the Fox station.
Mark Allen: I was reading the latest column, in reply to Mr Belsky's query, season 5 of the X Files started yesterday, Wednesday evening, 12th of Feb with a double episode of Gestheme? and Redux 1.
Murray Leeder: I think Cancerman probably is dead, although it may not stay that way! For one thing, during the "Inside the X-Files" thing, William B. Davis did not once mention being dead! Also, he's signed for the movie (which doesn't prove a lot, since Deep Throat and Mr. X have showed up in flashbacks and other manifestations)
Ryan Whitney of Evanston, IL: Ron Howard's mother played astronaut Jim Lovell's (Tom Hanks') mother.
Additionally, Ron's father was the reverend seen in the Lovell home during the emergency. Ron's brother, Clint, was the mission control guy who remarked that the IRS would go after Jack Swigert (Kevin Bacon) for missing the tax deadline.
Phil: Thanks to JC Fernandez, Jim Elek, Heather Smith, Shane Tourtellotte, Amber Heinzel and Lisa Shock for sending this information along as well!
Trevor Ruppe: I SAW SPOCK'S FACE IN THE DS9 COMET!! Man, I thought you guys were *nuts*--I'll admit I was even making fun of all of this until the other night I watched the Mourn/Morn episode (lame) and I SAW IT! My apologies for doubting you.
Phil: Another satisfied customer! ;-)
John Latchem: Darth Vader's Title is "Lord of the Sith" but that doesn't mean much, its basically an ancient honorific. He is the Emperor's Second, basically a servant yet also next in line for the throne. In "A New Hope" Vader was on board the Death Star as the Emperor's observer, and to get back the plans. Grand Moff Tarkin was the governer of the Outer Rim Territories, and designed and built the Death Star himself (well not him personally but his people), and tested it for later use by the Emperor. Vader was there to report to the Emperor but allow Tarkin to control things. If the need arose, Vader could have assumed command. Think of him as a Federal Observer during a State Operated project.
In Empire Strikes Back he had the freedom to pursue his own agenda and did so, with his own fleet. He might be head of military operations for the Empire.
Jim Elek of Sterling Heights, MI: I don't think Darth Vader's title and function is ever made clear. Simply put, his title is "Lord" and his job function is whatever he and the Emperor deem necessary.
In A New Hope, his job function is to recover the stolen technical plans. As Greg mentioned, it's rather odd that he allows Tarkin to give him an order in the briefing room scene. The real explanation is, at that time, not all of the details about the Empire, it's structure, and Vader's role had been fleshed out by George Lucas. A continuity explanation could be that he thought highly enough of Tarkin to allow him that instance of insolence. Or perhaps he saw no suitable immediate replacement for the officer he was choking nor for Tarkin and so he dropped the matter. Literally.
In the Empire Strikes Back, it appears that Vader is in supreme command of the Imperial Fleet. I don't know if this is specifically stated in the novelization or not. He is also on a personal quest for Luke Skywalker.
In Return of the Jedi, he specifically states his job: "I'm here to put you [Moff Jerjerrod and the Death Star contruction] back on schedule."
As for "Dark Lord of the Sith", I believe this appears only in the novelization for A New Hope. This is basically an artifact from the evolution of the Star Wars saga and subsequently did not appear in the film or the next movies. However, the name didn't completely go away and Dark Horse Comics has been using it in their Tales of the Jedi series. Without getting into details, "the Sith" is basically another name for the Dark Side of the Force and "Lord of the Sith" is basically a title sometimes held by a Dark Side Jedi such as Vader. I've stopped reading that series, so I don't know if a more detailed explanation or origin has been given.
John Myers: The point about Vader is that he was in command of the fleet and so "disciplining" officers is up to his discretion. On the other hand Grand Moff Tarkin, who is a very very senior and trusted imperial offcial, was in command of the Death Star and it was up to him how his officers should be treated.
On to the questions . . .
Mike Cheyne: How about a Nitpicker's Bulliten Board? We can post nits on various subjects--Bond, Star Wars, Star Trek (various shows), X-Files. I realize you have little or no time to do this, but you could either--(a) instant bulliten board--no screening, just indicate where you want the nit to be, mail it, and it automatically appears there (like bulliten e-mailing...is this possible?); and (b) assistant.
Phil: Well . . . from what I've seen of bulliten boards the topics often stray far a field and there's profanity and flaming and that ain't gonna happen on my watch! As far as an assistant goes, I could not, in good conscience, ask someone to volunteer their time and I don't have to the funds to pay anyone!
Callie Sullivan, Bexley, England: Phil, I don't know whether this is a subject that's open for discussion or not, either between you and I (you and me??) or on the Ask the Chief page. It may even have been discussed in the past - I've only had access to the Internet for a couple of months and haven't had a chance to read through all the back issues of Ask the Chief. I also don't think there's actually a solution to the problem - but I'll run it by you anyway:
In Britain, the video of Scorpion part II only came out for both sale and rental on Monday 2nd February. Up until then, I'd steadfastly kept away from opening up the relevant Brash Reflections file, but as soon as I'd seen the episode, together with The Gift, I read through the Brash Reflections - and found that the file on both episodes is closed. Not surprising, considering the size of the files, but I couldn't help being disappointed that neither I nor anyone else in Britain can join in the discussions on nits specific to Season 4 episodes - I imagine that each episode file will close down before that episode is released here.
I did a search through the Net for the word "nitpick" in the hope that there might be a British version of the Guild, but only found two references: the Nitpicker's Guild; and that sad oik who doesn't understand the concept of "humour" or "fiction". I know that we Brits can send you nits about earlier episodes and you'll keep them on file, but it really doesn't look like you'll ever be doing a Voyager Guide, so no-one but you will ever see the British viewpoint!
As I said earlier, I don't think there's a solution to this - I just wondered if anyone had any ideas about how a frustrated British nitpicker can get her thoughts on air!
Phil: I understand that this is a difficulty. I just don't know how to fix it without making a lot more work for myself!
Leeann C Walker: In the new "Pusher" in this season, at the end, Scully (looking like someone else at first) is begging Mulder to realize that she is Scully. In an effort to make him believe that she is Scully, she says, "Your sister is Samantha. Your mother is __________." What was Mulder's mother's name? (Tilly seems to ring a bell, but I just plain forgot and I taped over the episode!!!)
Phil: I believe Scully's mom's name is Margaret. "Maggie" for short.
Alexander Shearer: A quick note for people who like to track Trek stars' extracurricular activities: I saw a preview for an upcoming movie, The Big Hit (produced by John Woo), which features Avery Brooks as the heavy. I guess they liked him in "Our Man Bashir." Hopefully, PAL isn't too strongly in effect, as the movie looks like a good blend of action and comedy.
Dan Wiese, El Cajon: Phil, I was just wondering, have you ever gave any thought to writing an episode of startrek?
Phil: Funny you should ask! I did write a spec script for DS9. They kept it for 13 months and then said no thank you but invited me to pitch story ideas. I got busy with the X-phile Guide and finally got around to calling for an appointment last March. By that time, they had gotten busy and weren't taking appointments! (They said they were booked up for pitch sessions for six months!) The guy I spoke with took my name and put it on a standby list and said he would get back in touch with me if when they started doing pitch sessions against. He thought it would be in October or November of 1997. Never heard back from him! Of course--with the airing of "Who Mourns for Morn" I've had to ditch the best idea that I had for a DS9 script but I still have two more in the wings and if they ever call, I'll scramble around and get another one! (And yes, I could call them but I am a little busy at the moment with trying to get my second novel done and doing research on the Star Wars Guide!) Honestly, though, I'm not sure they would buy anything from me! The process of buying story ideas for Trek is *extremely* subjective. I've been told that if the guy you're pitching to is in a bad mood it doesn't matter how great the story is, it won't get bought! That's the way the world works, kids. So . . . since I'm the chief nitpicker . . . ;-) (On the other hand, my buddy Larry Nemecek tells me they wouldn't have invited me to pitch if they didn't want me to pitch so . . .)
Vincent Morrone: And I read your review of First contact. Quick quetion. How do you rate it compared to the other movies? What are you favorates? Just curious.
Phil: My two favorites are still Wrath of Khan and Undiscovered County because they were about something and not intended just to entertain.
[From Someone Identified Only As Geogoldr: Does Kansas City ever host a StarTrek Convention, my son Gary Goldring of Topeka, Kansas used to go to the Starland Conventions every year in Denver, Colorado at the Holiday Inn East but I have yet to see anything about a convention in Kansas City? Gary is a disabled person but just loves to go to Star Trek Conventions. Thanks
Phil: Couldn't tell ya but somebody here might know? Anybody heard of a convention coming up in KC?
Glenn St-Germain: I just watched this week's DS9 episode -- the one where Sisko dreams that he's a SF writer in the 1950's. (Can't remember the title.) I figure, if anyone out there might know the answer, it'd be you. :)
The rest of the cast of the episode were all people from DS9. Most of them were obvious -- Rene Auberjonois as the boss; Terry Farrell as the secretary; Penny Johnson (Cassidy Yates) as Ben's girlfriend; Michael Dorn as the ball player... I even spotted Marc Alaimo (Gul Dukat) and Jeffrey Combs (Weyoun) as the two cops, and Aron Eisenberg (Nog) as the newsboy.
There was one person who I didn't recognize -- the magazine's artist, the guy with the goatee who handed out the drawings. Any ideas?
Phil: That one had me stumped at first too until the second time the artist appeared. Then, his voice locked in. It's General Martok!
Jason Gorell: [Concerning "Far Beyond The Stars,"] Very interesting episode!! It was fun to play 'pick the character out of costume'. Hey...where were Mark Alaimo and Jeffrey Combs when they were casting the "Untouchables"? Talk about playing a couple of tough guys.
Yeah yeah the whole episode was built on symbolism but I particularly like the scene where Benny is getting the crap beat out of him and Alaimo and Combs' characters keep flashing back and forth between "50's cops and Dukat and Weyoun. Pretty cool.
Terry Ferrell could have worked on her gum snapping a little bit more...she started out playing the ditzy secretary really well but sort of slipped back into the Dax persona as the show went on.
How about Armin and Rene...wow can they play a couple of old guys...I think I see the new stars of "More Grumpy Old Men".
The guy who plays Gen. Martok...man the guy sounds like a Klingon in real life!!!...he's got the teeth and everything!!!
Now...if someone could point out Garrik, Nog, Rom, Lita, and Morn's character then I think we'd have everybody accounted for...hmmm, was Nog the paperboy at the begining of the dream sequence???
Phil: Nog *was* the paper boy. Morn could be anyone but I wouldn't doubt that he's in there. I met Mark Allen Shepherd--the actor who plays Morn--once at a convention. He's fairly non-descript, average height, average built, average looks. Anybody spot him? Leeta was definitely not in the episode. Chase Masterson is hard to miss! And I didn't see Andrew Robinson either.
Gina Torgerson: Who played the EMH Mark 2 in "Message in a Bottle?" And the Romulan who was going to search through holodoc's subroutines?
How come, in the Classic Guide, Spock is called "the Vulcan" but Kirk is never "the human?"
Phil: EMH Mark 2 was played by Andy Dick. Not sure on the Romulan. And Spock is called "the Vulcan" most likely because there's only one Vulcan on the ship!
Joe McLaughlin of Medway, MA: Last week's DS9 episode "Who Mourns for Morn?" got me thinking, how many slips of gold pressed latinum is in a strip, how many strips in a bar, and how many bars in a brick? Then is there anything higher than a brick, like a block?
Also is the gold in the episode really that destructable, when Quark says that it is just worthless gold and then he brakes it and it comes in dust, is it some compound of gold and another element or is it just gold that he broke into dust (Gold doesn't brake into dust like that, obviously)? Then when Morn gives him the latinum, there isn't that much, only a cupful, and that is enough for 100 bricks. So how much of latinum is needed to make gold into something much more valuable?
Phil: Only the creators know for sure! There was one thing about the scene that tickled me when Quark was tossing around those "gold" bricks. If my little pea-brain has its facts correct, I seem to recall that pure gold is two and a half times heavier than lead. (Don't have time to run this down today but I'll try to get to it next week!) In other words, a brick of gold that size would be *heavy*. I'll see if I can find a weight for a standard bar of gold. It will surprise you!
Have a great weekend, everybody!
If you would like to submit a question or comment, send it to: chief@nitcentral.com with "Ask the Chief" or "Question" in the Subject line. (Remember the legalese: Everything you submit becomes mine and you grant me the right to use your name in any future publication by me.)
Copyright 1998 by Phil Farrand. All rights reserved.