NITPICKER'S GUILD NEWSLETTER
July 1994
Volume 1, Number 2
TABLE OF CONTENTS
June 16, 1994
Greetings Fellow Nitpickers!
In case you haven't heard, the last television episode of
Star Trek: The Next Generation, entitled "All Good
Things," aired here in the States and Canada since the last
time you received a newsletter from me. It caused quite a stir
in the media. Everybody seemed to be doing specials on
the end of NextGen as a television series. In the process, I was
called upon to do six radio interviews via telephone (one of them
from 1:00 AM to 2:00 AM)! If you live across the oceans, I realize
that you haven't seen the episode. I won't give anything away
but it was a good way to end the series. (Even if it did have
plenty of things to nitpick! Which, of course, doesn't bother
me a bit because, "Baby needs a new pair of shoes.")
In conjunction with the season ender, Paramount also produced
a marathon of the top five episodes of NextGen. My local television
station called and asked if I'd like to do some nitpicking introductions
for the episodes. I really enjoyed recording them and a good time
was had by all. Now, North America Trek fans are waiting to see
the first Star Trek movie featuring the NextGen crew. It will
be out this fall and should be fun.
The Nitpicker's Guide for Classic Trekkers is being
typeset even as I write this column. It is scheduled to be out
this fall as well. From what I understand, Titan Books has already
purchased the British publishing rights and the Science Fiction
Book Club will publish a limited edition hardback version as they
did with the NextGen Guide. In the October issue of the newsletter,
I plan to take some space to indulge in a shameless plug for the
book. There are some subtle traps that I've laid for die-hard
nitpickers. It will be fun to see how many get caught in them.
Since you have done me the honor of subscribing to my newsletter,
I'll flag them for you, provided you don't tell anyone! (Note
to Barbara L.: Sorry. I know you wanted me to keep the Classic
and NextGen stuff separate but I can't afford to publish two newsletters
at this point in my career!)
The NextGen Guide is still chugging along with sales and the
letters keep coming into Nitpicker Central. We are dangerously
close to 1500 members in the Guild and may have that many already.
(As usual, I've fallen somewhat behind in entering letters due
to compiling this newsletter.) We finally have a nitpicker in
Nevada. (Yeah!) Her name is Sharon Henry. She too was puzzled
by the fact that Spot suddenly changed gender in the seventh season.
Unfortunately, we still don't have anyone in Idaho! We
are in thirteen nations around the globe and we can't get anyone
from Idaho to voluntarily join the Guild! (Note to those Stateside
nitpickers that have just started cooking up some scheme to drive
to Idaho and mail a letter to me: Don't! Let's do this the honest
way.)
Thanks to all of you who have sent along newspaper articles
that mention the NextGen Guide. In addition, Sue Lajeunesse of
Ottawa, Ontario sent me a copy of a rebuttal she mailed to a particularly
acidic columnist who had used me as an example of a person without
a real life. I don't mind those types of comments as long as the
columnist mentions the Guide. (Mainly because I know that there
will be closet-Trekkers out there who will read the article scratch
their heads and say, "That's sounds like a pretty good book!")
One letter I received recently did send chills up my spine.
It came from the Curator of History at a museum on the East Coast.
Her museum will be hosting an interactive exhibition that incorporates
real science technology with science fiction. She is putting together
a lecture series and wanted to know if I, a Star Trek 'scholar,'
would be interested in speaking. Me? A Star Trek 'scholar'? Maybe
I do need a life. (I'll let you know if we work out the details.)
Happy Nitpicking,
Ms. Phil Farrand, Chief Nitpicker of the Nitpicker's Guild
(But you can call me, "Phil")
Most of the nitpicking in the NextGen Guide occurs at the
episode level. At times, however, it's fun to step back and consider
the Star Trek Universe as a whole, to see what nitpicking gems
we might uncover.
The Observation Lounge Windows
Jeff Jacques of Nepean, Ontario writes, "The view from
the observation lounge has always troubled me. At the end of the
opening credits, when the Enterprise passes under the camera,
we see the relatively tiny lounge windows, followed by a long
expanse of saucer section, including the roof of the massive [Main]
Shuttlebay. So how come when we look out those lounge windows
we see nothing but space? The top of the saucer, and especially
the shuttlebay, are not that much lower than the base of the lounge.
What gives?"
I've wondered about this as well. I've always wanted to get
one of those 3D graphics packages, model the saucer section and
then "walk through" the model and look out the observation
lounge windows. In lieu of that option, I have used my limited
abilities to construct a diagram to illustrated the nit.
As you can see, even with only a ten degree field of vision,
the Main Shuttlebay would be clearly visible.
Tactical Station
Chistopher A. Weuve of Alexandria, VA wonders, "How come
the guy that controls the ship's communications, weaponry and
defensive systems goes into battle standing up? I suppose
Worf's adrenaline-equivalent keeps him pumped up, but wouldn't
you think that maybe he should at least get a chair, if not a
seat belt?
Data and Human Behavior
Walter L. Wakefield III of Portland, OR notes, "If Data
has been in Starfleet for over 20 years, why did he act like this
was his first contact with human behaviors and idiosyncrasies?
Surely going through Starfleet Academy and serving in Starfleet
for that many years would have taught him a lot. And if Dr. Soong
designed and programmed him to live and work with humans he would
have included a more detailed knowledge in these areas."
And Speaking of Klingons . . .
Geoffrey Cook of Hammond, IN observes, "A 'proud warrior
race.' Seems to me that such a race so involved with battles,
rituals and honor would not have much spare time to achieve space
travel, let alone survive. (How about them SPARTANS?) Would a
race of beings that seems to thrive on 'dying well' invent anything
more complicated than a sword? Seems it would be dishonorable
to throw a nuclear missile across a continent at the enemy."
Ten-Forward
Douglas Scott of Arlington, TX wonders, "Why is a bartender
needed in Ten-Forward? Can't the crew just replicate the drinks?"
Twelve-Forward
Stuart Davis of East Sussex, England admits, "I have
always been mystified by the deck arrangements in the Saucer module.
Ten-Forward establishes that the underside of the rim of the saucer
is deck 10. [Note from Phil: The windows indicate this.] However,
counting the decks up from this [point] (using the viewports),
I arrive at the bridge being on deck -1! (or -2 if I assume the
phaser array accounts for a deck). Either Ten-Forward is really
on Deck 12(ish), or the viewports don't align with the decks,
or perhaps a couple of decks have two levels of window?"
I would love to illustrate this as Stuart did in his letter
but alas, alack I fear the Para Mounties would come and arrest
me for copyright infringement so here's a little homework assignment.
Find an overhead diagram of the Enterprise (in the Technical Manual
on page 8, for instance) and count the viewports for yourself.
I think you'll come to the same conclusion as Stuart.
Data and Wesley
Johnson Lai of Ajax, Ontario offers this query, "Has
anyone noticed that Wesley has never ever called Data by his respected
rank? Every time Wesley addresses the android, he calls him, 'Data'
instead of 'Commander.' The only formal term that Wesley uses
on Data is 'Sir.' "
Big Brother
Brian Clement of Victoria, British Columbia writes, "When
a person calls up a visual record of something, it is usually
reused footage from a previous scene or episode. But who or what
is recording all this in the Star Trek universe? 'The Computer'
appears to be a 24th century synonym for 'Big Brother.' "
Communicators with Hug Detection
Ysabelle Pelletier of Drummondville, Quebec notes, "Why
don't communicators beep every time people hug each other? Is
that device so intelligent it can also determine whether the pressure
that is applied on it is meant to activate it? Just try to kiss
you wife next time you wear a communicator with a sound board.
Believe me, it beeps. This would give us scenes like:
'Will!'
'Deanna!'
"They embrace . . . 'Beep! Beep!' I would just love to
see that!"
Breakables
On the subject of items that shatter, Mark Lee of Livermore,
CA comments, "Does it make sense that they have glass coffee
tables aboard the ship? We've seen two of them break into many
large, sharp shards in 'The Emissary' and 'Conspiracy.' I would
think that acrylic or transparent aluminum would look just as
good and pose less of a hazard."
Ground-pounders
Having some experience in the matter, Steve Whittle of Monterey,
CA wonders, "Where are the grunts? I find it almost impossible
to comprehend that the Federation can engage in conflicts of various
degrees of intensity and not have a service branch of ground-pounders.
I have served in the military twice over a period of 12 years
and one thing is certain: no matter how sophisticated your technology,
you need somebody standing on the real estate before you can consider
it under control."
There's a semi-mythical group called the Starfleet Marines
but we've never seen them in any show. In addition, there were
ground troops in "Yesterday's Enterprise" but alternate
time lines don't count.
Trekkie vs. Trekker
Gladys James of Little Rock, AR writes, "I wanted to
ask if it was intentional that the book is called 'Trekkers' and
all references in the book are to 'Trekkers,' but in the acknowledgments
you state that Jeanne Cavelos was and is a 'Trekkie'! Are those
your words or hers? OK, OK, that is pretty nitpicking."
First, Jeanne calls herself a "Trekkie." I used
to have this great theory about the difference between "Trekker"
and "Trekkie." After meeting more fans, I've given it
up! Originally, everyone was a "Trekkie." It was the
end of the 60s, the beginning of the 70s, there were "Hippies"
and so there were "Trekkies." Then came NextGen and
Somebody in the Powers That Be decided "Trekkies" wasn't
sophisticated enough so They started the term "Trekkers."
Of course, all the people who had happily called themselves "Trekkies"
for years didn't take too kindly to having their name changed.
Hence the current confusion. We used "Trekker" in the
book because it seemed more appropriate. (Yes, we actually discussed
it!)
Saturn and the Stars
John Watson of Everett, WA asks, "Have you noticed that
in the opening title sequence, as the rings of Saturn move past
the screen you can see where one star field changes to another
traveling in a different direction. They made the transition at
the very edge of the rings of Saturn which covers up the transition
pretty well. However, for the class of show that Star Trek is,
I think it's kind of sloppy."
Jefferies Tubes
David M. Gansz of West Orange, NJ admits, "One of the
things that annoy me with ST-TNG is the sight of the Jefferies
tube and access corridors of the Enterprise D. As aircraft mechanic
who works on Boeing 747s, I know what these areas should look
like. They should be tight spaces, having very little light, with
hydraulic, pneumatic and electrical lines all easily accessible.
Instead on this starship, the access corridors look like a four-lane
freeway in a hospital (so wide and spotlessly clean). In the original
Star Trek series, the Jefferies tubes were very cramped and realistic
in appearance with an occasional possibility of Scotty electrocuting
himself."
Maybe by the time of the 24th century engineers and mechanics
will enjoy a "kinder and gentler" existence. (Wink,
wink.)
Gender Equality in Titles
Julie Watson of Littleton, CO questions, "Why do they
address female officers as 'Mister'? That seems more sexist because
they refer to a female with a male gender title! To me, this defeats
the purpose they are trying to achieve. Why would you need a masculine
reference to denote equality?"
I think the main reason for this is that the males of our
fearless crew didn't like the alternative. Miss Picard and Miss
Riker immediately balked when they heard those titles applied
to them! However, in order to demonstrate my solidarity with Julie
and understanding of her nit, I have decided to refer to myself
as Ms. Farrand for the duration of this newsletter. PLEASE NOTE:
This distinction will only apply to this newsletter so don't start
writing me letters addressed that way! And another thing, changing
my wardrobe is definitely out. I've seen what women pay for clothing
and I can't afford it.
The Universal Translator
Lori Lane and Jared Rodriquez from Microseeds Software of
Williston, VT observe, "The Universal Translator instantly
translates all languages to English, right? Well then, how come
other languages can be spoken? We notice it mainly with Klingons.
They can insult, growl and bark commands at each other in the
Klingon language whenever they want. But when the need arises
for the audience to understand (and we are barring those who have
memorized the Klingon Dictionary), suddenly the UT is back online.
Is there a convenient way to momentarily turn off the translator?
Or are there some words in Klingon that the UT thinks are best
left untouched? ('You haven't heard Shakespeare until you've heard
it in the original Klingon.')"
In addition, how can the UT change the movements of the characters'
lips? Why don't aliens look like they are acting in an English
dubbed foreign movie? Personally, I think this is one of those
issues that the creators should just leave alone. They should
just admit that they couldn't have a show without it and all of
us should nod our heads and ignore it, just like we do with warp
drive. Instead, the creators actually showed us the UT in operation
during an episode of DS9. (Sorry, can't remember the title. Haven't
done a book on DS9 yet.) These refugees beam aboard talking gibberish
and then magically begin speaking English and somehow the UT changes
the movement of their lips! When I watched this episode, I felt
like my intelligence had just been insulted.
The Elliott Effect
Timothy Elliott adopts a new naming convention for nits by
explaining, "I wanted to alert you to a transporter phenomenon
I humbly call 'The Elliott Effect.' It is most visible on away
team trips to dusty climes, seen clearly in 'Ensign Ro.' The away
team starts their trip in beautifully clean uniforms and boots
from a sterile starship, then a second later arrive at their destination
with very dusty boots and uniforms. Is this some kind of transporter
camouflage effect?"
The Great Star Trek UP Mystery
Jeff Danby of Wheeling, IL wonders, "How is it that all
these strange, newly-discovered alien races have decided upon
one direction by which to orient their vessels? Even a 'galactic
plane' standard with its two sides would have two possible 'up's.
Somebody has to have a different 'up' than the Enterprise,
Starfleet or whoever!! Maybe the Enterprise and a newly-contacted
ship go through a series of complicated maneuvers to orient their
tops in the same direction. The problem is: How so you know what
is the 'top' of a spacecraft that you've never seen before. This
should be called the 'Great Star Trek UP Mystery.' "
Touch Deactivated Superglue
Sharla Smith of Minneapolis, comments, "There are many
scenes with space turbulence or battles that send everyone on
the bridge flying back and forth wildly. But, in Ten-Forward and
in people's quarters, there are often loose items (sometimes fragile
looking ones) sitting around on tables. Even right after a 'space
turbulence on the bridge' scene, if one of the next scenes is
in someone's quarters, there will still be, say, a glass vase
full of flowers centered exactly on a table. Does the shaking
occur only on the bridge? Or is everything superglued to each
other and to the floor with a special glue that deactivates whenever
a crewmember touches it?"
Holodeck Realities
Mark S. Painter, Sr. of Mont Clare argues his case to include
the holodeck on the list of Top Ten Oddities. "Have you noticed
how many episodes involve a holodeck malfunction that wounds crewmembers,
kidnaps crewmembers, puts lives in jeopardy and occasionally puts
the whole ship at risk? If I were Picard, I would have pulled
the plug on the holodeck years ago. It's not like we're talking
here about a critical ship's system. This is an entertainment
device, for Heaven's sake! These holodecks are supposed to represent
a safe, proven technology. Otherwise, why permit them to be used
for so trivial a purpose as amusement?
"In addition, shouldn't there be some king of inquiry
after each incident? And most important of all, wouldn't the manufacturer
get sued royally? For that matter, who would put a TV or stereo
or VCR on the market that hadn't been thoroughly tested?"
The Solar System
Stuart Davis of East Sussex, England writes, "I have
always been irritated by the phrase 'Solar System' being used
incorrectly. Nearly every space Sci Fi show is guilty of this,
with Star Trek being no exception. The Solar System is the name
given to the system of planets orbiting the star named Sol, our
star. Using the phrase to describe the system of planets orbiting
any other star is incorrect."
That Trusty Tricorder
Margaret Moran of Dublin, Ireland reveals, "Another major
bugbear of mine is how they [Crusher and Pulaski] all yell, 'I
can't do it here. Get them to Sickbay.' Then when all the fancy
scanners and biobeds have done their work [the doctors] still
pick up the tricorder to confirm the evidence of their eyes. The
very tricorder that was not up to the job before!!!"
First Aid and Accident Prevention
Robert Chisnall of North Bay, Ontario notes, "Have you
ever noticed how many times proper first aid procedures are not
carried out? Consider the number of times Worf and other crew
members have received some sort of head or back trauma. The first
person on the scene immediately flops them over. ('Gee, I hope
you haven't got any spinal injuries. Even if you do, Dr. Crusher
can fix up the damage I'm causing for the sake of drama and camera
angles.')
"Starfleet is in the dark ages when it comes to accident
prevention. Similar and preventable events keep happening. Consider
Worf's accident in 'Ethics.' Surely all heavy and hazardous materials
would be restrained mechanically or by some force field. Danger
areas would be posted and access would be prohibited. How many
times do we see Worf, Data or somebody else bouncing some baddy
around a cargo bay and unsecured containers go flying everywhere?
If any 20th century vessel or factory handled stored materials
in the same manner, they would be legislated or litigated out
of business!"
Gotta Have That Gravity
Ray Coshow of San Francisco, CA writes, "The USS Enterprise
has, on occasion, suffered power losses to the point where, in
order to preserve life support, they go so far as to turn off
the lights. The LIGHTS! And yet, no one has ever, under any circumstances,
either accidentally or purposefully, caused the artificial gravity
to fail. Surely it takes more power to create artificial gravity
than it does to create artificial light. How can it possibly be,
as crewmembers begin to pass out in the dark for lack of oxygen
as life support systems are shutdown for want of power, that the
ship could still expend the kind of energy it must take to maintain
such a completely unnecessary convenience as sticking to the floor?
While I completely agree with Ray, I am forced to disclose
my knowledge on this matter. The Technical Manual actually addresses
this issue. For some reason, the creators haven't passed this
information along (either in the show's dialogue or through the
hosts of Trek conventions). According to the Tech Manual on page
144, 'synthetic gravity generators' keep everyone stuck to the
floor. These generators use superconducting flywheels that continue
to generate artificial gravity even after the power fails for
up to 240 minutes. In other words, four hours, just longer enough
to solve the crisis and end the episode! (Rick Sternback and Michael
Okuda really are very clever fellows.)
High Powered Computers
Robert Nichol of Newmarket, Ontario observes, "Why do
Starfleet computers work on 50,000 volts? It never fails, when
the computer or one of its workstations is bumped, you see smoking,
arcing and burning. Doesn't Starfleet have the equivalent of Underwriters
Laboratories or Canadian Standards Association to protect poor
end users from these overcharged death traps. If GM made electronic
dash boards that spit at you with every bumper thumper, Ralph
Nader would have apoplexy!"
Sound in Space
G. Holland of St. Catharines, Ontario gets to say it for the
rest of us, "With no particles, there's no way for sound
to travel. Thus, in the vacuum of space, you wouldn't be able
to hear anything (no warp engines purring, no phaser shots, not
even any antimatter explosions). I know the show might get kind
of boring but . . ."
Looking For Mr. Sulu
John McManus of Louisville, TN notes, "Today on Earth,
at least one third (and maybe half. I'm not exactly sure) of the
world's population is Asian. However, maybe one out of every twenty-five
or thirty humans we see on Star Trek is Asian. I know that political
correctness can be carried too far when one tries to represent
about ten races equally, but this is a little bit too far off."
Aliens R Us
Robert Nichol of Newmarket, Ontario writes, "My favorite
nitpicking is evaluating alien races. Before the race got to travel
to the stars, it had to survive their Stone Age where there were
plenty of predators ready to tear off anything that stuck out.
That left you with loss of blood, infection or missing senses
to deal with. Even in contemporary times you still have to survive
the odd barroom brawl or equivalent. Races with funny little deely
boppers on their head are going to find it hard to keep them on
when they are trying to kill the analog to the sabre-tooth tiger
with a stone ax."
Along the same lines, Noreen A. Demers of Epsom, NH adds,
"Why do all alien beings created for this program communicate
and consume sustenance through the same orifice? Granted, they
are all human beings under the costumes and make-up, and that
does pose certain limitations, but couldn't creatures be created
that drink through their fingertips or pour liquids into a hole
in the top of their heads?"
Cabbage Head Crewmembers
Elias S. Slatz of Oxford, OH observes, "Many of the instances
you site in which a primary character seems not to have a necessary
bit of knowledge to do a job (i.e. Counselor Cleavage not knowing
what a warp core breach is in 'Disaster'), my fellow Trekkies
and I have chalked up a 'cabbage-isms,' explanations of things
for all of the 'cabbages in the audience.' The creators decided
that many of their viewers would need to know certain facts in
order to understand the story line, or have moderated many, many
technical explanations into third-grade English. The easiest way
to do this was to make some characters look like fools by asking
questions that we non-cabbages are baffled that they don't know."
Shuttle Bay Doors
Stuart Davis of East Sussex, England comments, "As you
know, Shuttlebays 2 and 3 are on the dorsal spine of the ship,
facing aft. This section of the hull slopes at quite a steep angle,
yet the aft wall of the shuttle bay stage is set (as far as I
can tell) vertical. This means that when the bay door is open,
you should be able to see the exterior hull surrounding the shuttle
bay entrance behind the boundary of the door. This also means
that there must be two bay doors [for each shuttlebay], since
the exterior views of the ship show a slatted door following a
similar sloping angle as the exterior hull.
Ducking Phasers
Robert Brenneman of Muskogee, OK writes, "Phasers are
a sore point with me. Obviously reflexes have greatly improved
by this time, since the crew can actually duck a blast. Don't
these shots move at the speed of light? And, why do attackers
only shoot at one point with a sustained phaser blast? Why don't
they just 'sweep' an area with a long shot, instead of trying
to lead a moving target? This could dramatically improve Worf's
aim."
One-Horse, Backwater Planets and Their Governments
James M. Preston and Terrance M. Kelly offer, "We would
like to take this opportunity to point out the silliness of the
'one-world-led-by-one-government-headed-by-one-minister' nonsense.
Are we to believe that just about every one-horse, backwater,
two-bit, truck stop planet that the Enterprise runs into
has managed to eliminate nation-state barriers and establish a
single planetwide government that is usually led by some narrow
minded, reactionary male bureaucrat? (Or is this perhaps more
biting social commentary from the writers?)"
Tilt, Pan, Zoom and Other Communication Conundrums
David K. Smith of West Trenton, NJ admits, "Another gripe
has to do with visual transmitters that can tilt, pan and zoom
on cue. These remarkable devices know when to dramatically move
in, pull back, follow action in the foreground or background as
necessary, even turn on and off without verbal instruction or
physical action. Also, have you ever noticed that whenever a visual
communications channel is opened the other party is sitting in
front of their viewer, ready to respond instantly? It matters
not who or where (or what?) they are, what species or social/political/military
status, what ship or planet, or what time of day or night. One
wonders if anyone ever sleeps or goes to the bathroom. What, no
voice-mail? Or how about just an old-fashioned answering machine?"
Replicator Economy
Andrew J. Nagel writes, "How does the economy of the
Federation work? They claim to have trade but what do they trade
when replicators can make whatever is desired? Ah, but the replicators
use a lot of energy to work. Well, apparently they don't use that
much because every cabin on the Enterprise has one. The only true
trade good in such an economy would be information. But then,
an unmanned probe would be cheaper to operate. But then, we wouldn't
have a story at all."
Poker, Anyone?
Janie Glidow of Tipp City, OH notes, "If Troi is so good
at reading emotions (even though she is only half Betazoid), why
on earth do they allow her to play poker? I sure wouldn't want
to try my bluff with her around. She ought to be able to pick
up on it in a hurry."
Peter Anspach of Highland Park, IL adds, "[On] the subject
of poker. Yes, I know these are some of the cutest scenes in the
series. But would Riker really consistently beat Data (who can
keep track of every card in the deck) and Geordi (who has humans
'pegged.' Can always tell when they are lying)?"
Door Bells and Privacy
Ryan Jodrell of Cremona, Alberta wonders, "You often
find member's of the crew going to visit other crewmembers or
guests. Sometimes, they just walk right in, other times they ring
a type of doorbell. How do they know which to do? You're probably
going to say, 'If the door doesn't open right away then ring the
doorbell.' But if that's the case then why do they automatically
push the doorbell as if they knew that the door would be locked?"
Data's Blinkies
Sara Green of Lake Elsinore, CA asks, "Data has little
blinking Christmas lights inside him. What possible use could
there be for lights in his body where presumably no one would
see them?"
I suppose if he ever needed to see in the dark he could flip
one of those panels open!
Troi On The Bridge
Carlyn Nugent of Louisville, KY questions, "WHY IS TROI
ON THE BRIDGE??? She is the ship's counselor! She's not responsible
for any of the functions handled from the bridge and she doesn't
have any job responsibilities that would require her presence
on the bridge. Okay . . . she has empathic abilities that can
be of great benefit in certain situations. In that case, she should
be called to the bridge on those occasions."
The Medicinal Benefits of Transporters
Edward M. Zarkowski of Dover, DE postulates, "If the
transporter can bring Dr. Pulaski back from the geriatric ward,
why can't it heal people? [Since a transporter pattern is stored
when an away team beams down,] doesn't it seem likely that the
transporter could close a wound or seal an internal wound or a
host of other simple medical procedures when all they have to
do is match up the pattern? It seems to make sense to me. But
then again, I am not employed by Utopia Planitia."
Turbolift Quandaries
Talia Myres of Tulsa, OK writes, "Have you ever noticed
that the carpet on the bridge looks exactly like the carpet in
the ever-popular bridge turbolift. In fact, the bridge carpet
extends into the turbolift. It never cuts off. I have a solution
to this. You see, the bridge/turbolift carpet is bungee carpet.
Whenever the lift goes down, the carpet stretches. When it's time
for the turbolift to come up, the carpet snaps it back like a
bungee cord. May I add that this drastically reduces electricity
costs for the turbolifts."
And Sharon Lowachee of Mississuaga, Ontario adds, "Why
oh why do all turbolifts have only one pair of sliding doors?
They should have two, like our elevators today: one attached to
the turbolift car itself and one attached to the wall where it
exits to prevent people from falling down the turboshaft when
no car is there."
Manually Operated Shields
Bob Woolley of St. Paul MN wonders, "Every time somebody
on the bridge reports that an enemy vessel has 'locked on weapons,'
somebody else replies, 'Shields up!' This requires that somebody
notice a monitor visually displaying a warning of locked weapons
detected, call out the warning, receive a verbal order, then carry
it out. This all takes a few seconds right at a time when lethal,
light-speed weapons are trained on the ship. Why didn't they just
build in a relay that responds to the sensors with an automatic
raising of the shields?"
In fact, the Kirk's Enterprise did raise it's shields automatically.
Worf's Accent
Bob Potter of Tasmania, Australia notes, "Why does a
Klingon with (presumably) Russian foster-parents speak with an
American accent?"
Now there's a thought, Worf with an accent like Chekov!
Streaking Stars
Kent Frazier of Naubinway, MI writes, "My nitpick is
something that happens in almost every show, that wonderful effect
of stars streaming away from the Enterprise while it's
travelling anywhere from the speed of light (warp 1) to 1,516
times the speed of light (warp 9). Photons travel at the speed
of light so any time [the ship] exceeds warp 1 the only photons
that would reach [the ship] would be the ones that ran into. So
the only place [the crew] could see stars would be from the front
and part of each side of the ship. Okay, a little harsh, but a
nitpick is a nitpick."
I agree that this is nit. On the other hand, fixing it sure
would make the view from the observation lounge boring, wouldn't
it?
Next time, answers to: What about the seventh season?
Why did the Nitpicker's Prime Directive change? What is "canonical"?
There are questions and comments that appear quite often as
I read through the letters that come into Nitpicker Central. I
thought I would take a page to answer and/or acknowledge them.
I apologize in advance if some of my comments sound like I am
pontificating!
First Season Star Dates
As far as I can tell there is no rhyme or reason to the star
dates in the first season. They do not proceed chronologically
in production order or air date order (kind of like the star dates
in the original television series). Interestingly enough, "The
Big Goodbye" has a star date of 41997.7. Sounds like a season
ender, doesn't it? According to Paramount, it is episode number
#113, the thirteenth episode produced for the series. Occasionally,
television episodes are ordered in 13 episode blocks. Is there
some connection? Beats me. There's another oddity in this discussion.
If you force the episodes to occur in sequence according to their
star dates, Yar appears in several episodes after her death in
"Skin of Evil"!
Belief In The Supernatural
S. Roby sent me the following message over CompuServe, "I
enjoyed your Nitpicker's Guide, with one reservation. I know you're
a Christian, and therefore not likely to be a fan of 'Who Watches
The Watchers.' But your attack on that episode was entirely irrelevant
to the point of you book. You're clearly entitled to disagree
with a show's philosophy, but classifying it as a plot problem
on the basis that it doesn't agree with mainstream 20th century
American thinking is a bit much."
I responded, "I treat the category 'Plot Oversights'
as a catchall for anything wrong with the plot (i.e. the story).
I realize that I should have been clearer about that in the introduction.
For instance, in 'The Royale,' La Forge claims that temperature
of the planet is -293 degrees Celcius. I didn't catch this nit
but several of my nitpickers have written to inform me that absolute
zero is -273.15 degrees Celcius and you can't get any colder than
that. I would put this item under Plot Oversights because the
statement is wrong. Current scientific evidence supports that
it is wrong. (Yes, there are other items that are in error given
the current understanding of physics but we accept them so we
can have a show. Things like warp drive.)
"In the case of 'Who Watches The Watchers,' the creators
chose to make two statements. First, any belief in the supernatural
leads to fear, superstition and ignorance. Second, if you have
a belief in the supernatural, you better have a rule book or it
will degenerate into holy wars, inquisitions and chaos. As far
as I'm concerned these statements are fair game for nitpicking
just like the statement about -293 degrees Celcius. If there is
evidence to the contrary, I feel justified in presenting it.
"As I said in the Guide, if you say that belief in the
supernatural leads to ignorance and 96% of Americans say they
believe in a supernatural being then you must conclude that 96%
of Americans are ignorant. In addition, there is ample historical
evidence to show that rule books do not prevent inquisitions.
In fact people often use rule books to instigate inquisitions.
Dr. Barron, being an anthropologist should know this. Yet, he
does not because the creators are trying to make a point. I realize
that religion and religious belief are hot spots for a lot of
people and many would prefer abandoning all discussion on the
topic. However . . . the creators did bring it up.
"I feel that my job as the author of the Nitpicker's
Guide is to dance between embracing the reality of the 24th century
setting and remembering that it's only a television show. If I
say that I'm going to exist solely within the parameters laid
down by the creators and every statement made by them is true
for the 24th century, then a lot of nitpicking gets thrown out
the window. If the religious statements made by the characters
in 'Who Watches The Watchers' must be accepted as factual then
the scientific statements made by La Forge in 'The Royale' must
also be accepted and go unchallenged. Perhaps by the 24th century,
scientists will discover a temperature colder that absolute zero.
(Which is a perfectly legitimate way to diffuse quite a few nits,
by the way. Wink, wink.)
"Ultimately, each person will agree with some of the
nits I picked and disagree with others. I understand that. In
the final analysis, it's just my humble opinion."
The "Perfect" Episode
Yes, yes, yes! I now realize that "The Enemy" has
a bunch of errors just like the rest of the NextGen episodes!
What can I say? I must have been getting tired. As I wrote the
Guide, I did notice the Enterprise and the Romulan vessel departing
in different directions even though Picard said he would escort
Tomalak to the Neutral Zone. I just thought the Tomalak had decided
to take the scenic route before heading back. However, enough
of you have written me about this particular nit that I think
it qualifies.
In addition, Jay P. Graves of Albany, GA writes concerning
another commonly submitted nit for this episode, "When Geordi
falls down the hole at the beginning of the episode, his VISOR
falls off and lands on the outside of his right hand. When he
picks it up, it has mysteriously moved outside his left
hand, near a rock."
Nurse Ogawa's Description
Rocio Escobar-Blanco of Flagstaff, AZ chides, "Nitpick
on book: page 227, you write 'attractive Oriental.' What are we,
back in the 70's? The correct term is 'Asian'."
I grew up in the Republic of the Philippines, which happens
to be in Asia. There are at least four distinct groups of human
beings, in terms of facial characteristics, living in Asia. Since
I am not well versed in the politically correct terminology for
each of these groups, please bear with me as I try to describe
them. In countries like China, Japan and Korea you will find predominantly
Oriental facial characteristics. In countries like Indian, Pakistan,
and Sri Lanka you will find predominantly Indian facial characteristics.
In certain areas of the Philippines, specifically the Igarot tribes
of the north, you will find facial characteristics similar to
those of Africans. Predominantly, however, the people of the Philippines
have a strong Malay influence in their facial characteristics
(as in, from Malaysia).
Each group of facial characteristics is distinct and identifiable.
I suppose calling them all "Asian" is technically correct.
Perhaps, it is the preferred terminology according to the Powers
That Be here in America. However, for me, the term "Asian"
is non-specific. It doesn't tell me anything about the person
except perhaps that, at some point, their ancestors came from
Asia. If I use the terms "Asian" and "Oriental"
as synonyms, haven't I just stated that I think everyone in Asia
looks like someone from China, Japan or Korea? Believe me, I meant
no offense by the terminology "Oriental" and I am more
than happy to adopt new terminology provided the new terminology
adequately addresses the rich cultural and physical diversity
of the inhabitants in the countries we collectively call "Asia."
Ensign Ro and Her Communicator
James HG Redekop of London, Ontario advises, "In the
episode, 'Ensign Ro,' Ro removes her uniform top to give to a
Bajoran child, as you remarked. However, watch her communicator--after
she takes her top off, the pin has magically moved to her jump-suit!
She never touches it, but there it goes.
Ro makes a slight movement with her jacket just before peeling
it off her shoulder. As I was writing the Guide, I equated that
movement with her right hand grabbing the communicator and repositioning
it on her shirt. Then again, maybe it is just a mistake!
TREK AROUND THE WORLD
By my count, the Nitpicker's Guild has received submissions
from 13 countries. I thought you might like to read how Trek fans
around the world get their dose of Star Trek and all its incarnations.
Australia
Anne Moss of Haberfield writes, "Here in Australia we
have just finished viewing the fourth season of 'Next Generation'
so we are a little behind the times! However, quite often with
videos tuned (the show screens at 11:00 PM on Tuesdays) we are
a loyal and dedicated band of Aussie Trekkers."
Belgium
Jean-Louis Leroy offers, "I live in Belgium and I rely
on VTM (dutch-speaking television), Holland 1 and BBC for trekking
around. For some reason, they lag four seasons behind. I must
make a big effort not to read the synopses [in the NextGen Guide
of episodes I have seen.]"
Brazil
Alfredo Trindade of Curitiba, Parana relates, "My mother
had been to New York last November [1993] and bought me your book
as a Christmas gift and I read it very carefully these months,
along with William Shatner's Star Trek Memories (which
is also a terrific book) and some Starlog back issues I had ordered
and I can tell you I had a great time. I did reasonably well on
you triathlon trivias, although we have terrible trouble for Brazillian
fans. Out TV stations ran just the first year of the Next Generation,
and we already had it in video and it was in 1991! Awful, isn't
it? Can you imagine how I and the other 79 members of the Sol
Sector [the local Trek fan club] feel. We have compendiums or
companions like the one of Allan Asherman's for the classic and
Larry Nemecek's for ST:TNG and some episodes from several years
from friends who are in the U.S. one time or another, but not
we have not been able to see the whole thing in sequence. I thought
you might have a suggestion on how we could get the episodes."
I sent Alfredo the address of a company in England that sells
the PAL versions of Star Trek and Star Trek: The Next Generation.
Denmark
Sandra M. Blom and Stella Sorenson have written from Denmark
but neither told me how they obtain their viewing of Trek.
Egypt
Ellen Larson explains, "My friends and I are a rather
diverse group of a dozen or so expatriate Trekkies living in a
suburb of Cairo, Egypt. I thought you might like to know that
your book is getting around. We have one frightfully dog-eared
copy (don't worry, we'll remedy that the next time someone visits
the States) which Myriam (aged 14) brought back from Christmas
vacation. The rest of us are in our late thirties and range in
occupation from radar installation expert to middle school science
teacher to voice teacher to writer (me). We tend to get together
one night a week to inhale five or six TNG episodes. Life in Egypt
is at times a challenging experience. Watching TNG is our way
of keeping in touch with reality."
Germany
Vassilios A. Draganis writes, "Since the Germans synchronize
[i.e. translate] the episodes, we are now watching older ones
than you do. To be accurate, I have just seen 'Hero Worship.'
"
Mirko Waschkowitsch adds, "I'm sorry I don't have the
time (and the paper) to tell you about the horrible German synchronization!
For example, the German title of the classic episode 'The Galileo
Seven' is 'Notlandung auf Galileo 7' (which means, 'Emergency
landing on Galileo 7'). The Galileo is a shuttle!"
Great Britain and Ireland
I do understand that these are different countries but I believe
inhabitants of both get their Trek fix from the same source.
Ruaraidh Gillies of Merseyside offers, "You may like
to know how Star Trek: The Next Generation has been treated in
Britain. It was first aired by the BBC in October 1990, although
videos of the early shows had been available before that. BBC2
put it out at 6 PM on Wednesday evenings, which is slap-bang in
the 'kids' slot,' directly opposite the news programmes on the
two main channels. They showed the first three seasons one after
the other, with virtually no breaks, and then 'The Best of Both
Worlds, Part 2' to tie up the story. At that point (early 1992)
it went off, with them promising that 'Star Trek will return later
in the year.' This turned out to be the original series!
"But from October 1992, Sky TV (Britain's satellite station)
started showing Next Generation daily, at 5 PM and 10 PM, with
the later showing being the uncut version (BBC had always shown
the cut version. For instance, we were denied the gory ending
to 'Conspiracy,' seeing instead a very brief phaser fight). We
also saw 'The High Ground,' which the BBC didn't show for fairly
understandable reasons (although even Sky didn't show the comments
about the Irish unification). After 2 run-throughs of seasons
1 to 3, we were finally treated to the new stuff! But it was great,
like a heavy dose of an addictive drug!"
Singapore
Benjamin Chee relates, "Our local stations do not show
Trek at all. We have a small Trek fan club here in Singapore and
through helpful friends overseas in the States and UK who send
tapes over to us, we manage to keep up with the rest of the galaxy
from our little country here."
Spain
Daniel Aguilar bemoans that fact that, "the channel which
airs DS9 in Spain has a team of translators who know nothing about
the Star Trek universe. Among all the translation mistakes they
make every week, there's a particularly irritating one. Here in
Spain, the 'photon torpedoes' have been mysteriously transformed
into 'torpedos de cuatro toneladas' (in English: 'four ton
torpedoes'!!!). The first time I head ti, I felt like strangling
the translator who had perpetrated that horrible crime against
Spanish Trekkers' ears."
Switzerland
Adrian Baumgartner writes, "I haven't seen all the episodes
yet. Up to this moment, the German television aired all the episodes
until 'Conundrum' (DS9 until 'The Storyteller'). But with five
TNG episodes a week we will soon catch up."
United States of America and Canada
On the subject of viewing Star Trek in the States, Michael
A. D. Reid of Atlanta, GA offers, "A few weeks ago, my roommate
and I were in a bookstore, idly browsing, when we came across
your opus. We, of course had to buy it. You see, Baxter and I
have watched Next Generation since its premiere in 1986. But,
like you, part of my pleasure in this comes from pointing out
to my easily-exasperated roommate continuity errors and other
such goofs. He maintains that doing thus detracts from the enjoyment
of what he continually reminds me is 'just a show.' Needless to
say, I disagree. At any rate, you see how your book is a godsend
to me. Now I can annoy Baxter with every episode. So, many
thanks to you for your efforts."
Glad to be of service!
Here's some more of the material you've sent in on the first
season of Star Trek: The Next Generation. As I said in the April
issue of the newsletter, you may not agree that all of them are
nits but look them over.
The Last Outpost
"This is the Federation's first look at the Ferengi,
but future episodes suggest that they have been seen before this.
For example, 'Captain's Holiday,' which takes place less than
three years after this, states that Vash has been working with
the Ferengi Sovak for five years!" David Foster of Charleston,
WV.
"Little is known about the Ferengi, yet by the time of
DS9, they are so infamous that they need to do business in the
Gamma quadrant since their reputation is not dirty over there.
I find it hard to believe that in just five years the Ferengi
could become so infamous." Phillip Ramati of Athens, GA.
"Notice the views of the Enterprise and the Ferengi
vessel with the planet in the background. The planet is lit on
the right side, which means the planet's star is on the right.
So why are the Enterprise and the Ferengi vessel lit from
the left? David M. Blakeman of Merced, CA. (Note from Phil:
This is easy to see on the Ferengi ship. On the Enterprise, look
the bright spot near the hatches for Shuttebay 2 and 3.)
"Data gets stuck in the Chinese finger puzzle and can't
get out. With his superhuman strength, could he not exert a little
extra force and snap it in two? (I know it wouldn't be as funny
then, but . . .)" Ann McNeil of Owen Sound, Ontario.
"Geordi's movements bugged me here. In the beginning,
Geordi gets onto the turbolift to go to Engineering and before
the doors close it looks as if he is pressing a button (like in
an elevator). I know this could be conceived as anything but the
series was still new enough that they could make a mistake like
that." Sue Lajeunesse of Ottawa, Ontario. (Note from
Phil: Maybe he's hitting the phantom control panel that shows
up in "Brothers"!)
"La Forge, who's currently a helmsman, goes down to Main
Engineering to 'get a full report.' The next time we see him,
he's taken over the entire engineering department! Boy, the chief
engineer is going to be ticked off with him." David M.
Blakeman of Merced, CA.
"After trying to break free from the force field that's
holding the Enterprise and the Ferengi ship and the attempt doesn't
succeed, Picard mutters in his native French, 'merde.' This is
the French equivalent of 'sh*t.' Such language from a Starfleet
captain!" Douglas Scott of Arlington, TX.
"In the [second] communication with the Ferengi, the
image of the Ferengi remains on the screen several seconds after
Yar closes the frequency, a good example of a latent image, I
suppose." David K. Smith of West Trenton, NJ.
"For several moments, Data and Riker run around looking
for the other members of the away team. Data has a tricorder in
his possession. Why doesn't he use it to look for the life signs
of his fellow team members? Like the communicators, he later finds
out the tricorder is inoperative. But why didn't he try?"
Gary Moldenhauer of Minnetonka, MN.
"Respect for senior officers has sure gone down in the
future. When the group is separated down on the planet, Commander
Riker calls out for the others. Just before he sees Data,
he calls out the android's name. Lieutenant Commander Data
is less than 30 feet away, and he doesn't even bother to say,
'Over here, sir.' Then the two of them find Geordi hanging upside
down. Concerned, Riker asks, 'Are you conscious?' Lieutenant
(j.g.) La Forge responds, 'Do I look conscious?' Personally,
I think Geordi's looking for a court-martial!" David M.
Blakeman of Merced, CA.
"Since it's obvious, as demonstrated in [this episode],
that the crew can survive for a short time without life support,
why does the crew, in every other show, make every effort to reserve
power for life support instead of diverting that power to where
it's needed most?" Steve Sutton of Rincon, GA.
"When life support is failing and it is supposed to be
very cold, there is no sign of their speech and breathing cooled
by the cold air." Brian Harrington of Co. Cork, Ireland.
Where No One Has Gone Before
Since "All Good Things," the series ender had Riker's
Enterprise going warp 13, I suppose we should allow the Traveler
to take Picard's Enterprise past warp 10.
"Look at Kozinski's rank insignia and you'll notice that
it is a kind of oblong wedge shape, totally unlike any other insignia
seen before or since." Jeff Powell of Newport Beach, CA.
"Why doesn't Kozinski wear a communicator? Isn't he a
Starfleet officers and don't all Starfleet officers no matter
what rank or lowly position in uniform wear a communicator?"
Theodore Leonard Kisiel of Erie, PA.
"Worf is at a science station when his pet targ appears
on the bridge. This thing snarls to let Worf know that it's there.
Yet interestingly, neither of the two guys next to him see or
hear it. We know Worf wasn't imagining it because Yar sees the
targ as well." Brian Lombard of Gaithersburg, MD.
"[Concerning the targ], Lieutenant Worf says, 'My pet
from home.' Worf was raised on [Gault] after he was found at the
Khitomer Outpost. So the Klingons sent their version of a 'kitty
cat' (according to Lieutenant Yar) to [Gault] so Worf would have
a pet?" Cpl David J. Ferrier of The Pentagon, Washington,
D.C.
"I noticed that Picard's fourth button from the front
is not filled in. But by the time he is talking to the Traveler
in Sickbay I noticed that it was filled in again as it usually
is." Tim Freeman of Severna Park, MD. (Note from Phil:
At first I thought the fourth pip was simply in a shadow. The
more I looked at it, the more it looked like a constuming problem.)
"When Picard is walking through the corridors of the
ship, he sees a woman dancing in one of the cargo bays. He says
to her, 'Ensign, what are you doing?' When the picture
changes from a ballerina to a uniformed person, you can see that
the uniform has no pips on it. This woman is a crewmember, not
an ensign." Gary Moldenhauer of Minnetonka, MN.
"Picard sees his mother. He then says, 'Maman,' and begins
to speak in English. Why talk to his French mother in English?
I could suppose that it is the [Universal] Translator that translates
his speech, but in that case we should have heard 'Mom' instead
of 'Maman.' Gilles Duchesne of Jonquiere, Quebec.
"For a ship with 1000 people, the 'dreams' are rather
few and far between (editing and directorial problem) and too
ordered. [Then again,] these are the best of the best,
they hardly ever fantasize on duty or let extraneous thoughts
intrude." Myles S. Hildebrand of Niverville, Manitoba.
"Prior to the final test that brings them back to our
galaxy, Picard orders the crew to center their thoughts on the
Traveler's well-being. The, he orders the crew to battle stations,
complete with flashing lights and noise!" David M. Blakeman
of Merced, CA.
"During the final scenes, the Traveler reaches up and
grabs Wesley's hand, after which [the Traveler] places his right
hand on the table [next to his left]. The camera angle shifts
to a shot of Wesley and you now see the Traveler's right hand
up on the console." Cyril M. Coupal of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.
Take care, fellow nitpickers and many thanks again for allowing
me to have this much fun with my "job."