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GalCouRaNaConRes

The Nitpicker's Guide for Next Generation Trekkers features a side bar called "The Creator Is Always Right." It is a short collection of goofy explanations for some of the funnier nits in Star Trek: The Next Generation. Originally, this side bar was much longer and it was, in fact, The Nitpicker's Guild Entrance Exam. I thought it would be funny to have a wacky, off the wall, entrance exam that no one could ever possibly get right unless they had studied the test itself before taking the test! My editor at the time, Jeanne Cavelos, suggested I construct a more realistic entrance exam (sort of) and dramatically shorten what eventually became "The Creator is Always Right." Instead of twenty questions (10 multiple choice much like the ones that acutally made it to publication, 5 short answer and 5 essay), the resulting "Creator Is Always Right" feature in the NextGen Guide contained only five questions. In the past, I have reprinted two questions from the original entrance exam in the newsletters (See "October 1994, Volume 1, Issue 3" and "December 1994, Volume 1, Issue 4" Search for "Entrance Exam."). I thought you might find it interesting to see the original draft of question #3 of "The Creator Is Always Right." It was a compilation of the two questions below.

(Short Answer) Q: The episode "Haven," features a young doctor named "Wyatt Miller" who risks his life by beaming onto a plague-infested "Tarellian" space ship? What became of the Tarellians?

A: Wyatt Miller succeeded in his quest to find a cure for the plague-ridden Tarellians in the episode "Haven." Once cured, the Tarellians became a productive force in society once again. In fact, they created one of the contemporary legends of financial success. The Tarellians started a multi-level direct sales company called Galaxy-Way. Galaxy-Way produced an assortment of house-hold items like lamps and furniture. The company resurrected an old 20th century Earth idea of encouraging their sales representatives to host in-home parties which featured the merchandise.

Wyatt and Ariana enjoyed Galaxy-Way's success--in large part due to Wyatt's time on the Enterprise. Shortly after Galaxy-Way started, Wyatt recruited Deanna Troi and Worf. Galaxy-Way took Betazed by storm but its real triumph of occurred when Worf recruited the twelve sons of Gork. In only three years, these intensely competitive brothers stormed the entire Klingon empire with their recruits. In fact, Tomak--next to the youngest of the brothers--even landed the account to furnish light fixtures for the entire Klingon fleet.

Galaxy-Way is the reason that the sphere-laden chair which appears on the Tarellian ship also shows up in Worf's quarters. The chair not only pleased him aesthetically, it represented a considerable merchandising accomplishment.

(Essay) Q: Review the formation of the Galactic Court for Race Name Conflict Resolution. Site one example of its abuse. (Hint: "Heart Of Glory," Continuity And Production Problems)

A: The Interplanetary Encyclopedia of Who's Not but Used to Be contains the following information under Oops Gavelnod, former arbiter of the Galactic Court for Race Name Conflict Resolution:

The Galactic Court for Race Name Conflict Resolution commenced with a treaty, simultaneously signed by all the known sentient races in the western-end of the Milky Way Galaxy. Its rapid proposal and adoption came as much from fear as any other motivation. Less than two years earlier, a giant misshapened vessel dropped into orbit around the home world of the Timidries. Its bristling weaponry charged the atmosphere with static electricity. At first, some of the Timidry males found this quite amusing. Timidry females--known for their elegant physical attributes as well as their modesty--normally wear oversized outfits to hide their features. Suddenly everyone on Timidry wore exceedingly wrinkled body suits as the static electricity pasted their clothes to their bodies. Amusement rapidly changed to terror, however. The monstrous vessel in orbit used its sonic resonators to announce to all that it had arrived to collect the bad gambling debt owed the Atlantic Vegas System. Over the panicked protests of the Timidries, the vessel began covering Timidry cities with plasticized concrete. Three hours later, the vessel departed from the now almost completely lifeless world.

Shock and denial met the news of the Timidries' fate as it traveled to other planets in that sector. Many refused to believe the Timidries had any dealings with the decadence of the Atlantic Vegas System. Up to this point, the Timidries had maintained a reputation for honesty, gentleness and abstinence. An obscure subspace transmission exposed the true tragedy of the Timidry incident just one year later. The senders identified themselves as the Vidoins. The message simply said, "Sorry about other Timidry planet. Got wrong page on map."

The investigation that followed pieced together the truth. Another race--also called the Timidry--had existed several sectors away. Their recently adopted name came from a new leader, "Timothy Idry." Timothy Idry was a gambler, a womanizer and a drunk--qualities which endeared him to his constituents. Once a year, Head Lush Idry--as he was lovingly called by his constituents--took his staff to the Atlantic Vegas System for an annual "Vacation of Debauchery." After racking up huge tabs at every casino, hotel and restaurant, Mr. Idry and his crew would make a quick exit and zip back home before any of the business could collect.

The Atlantic Vegas System put up with this for five years before contacting the Vidoins. Due to an unfortunate omission in the index of the Mand RacNally Planetary Atlas, however, the Vidoins thought only one race called of Timidries existed. Mr. Timothy Idry's planet was shown and labeled on the appropriate map of its sector. It simply wasn't listed the index. In fact, had Mr. Idry given up his wild carousing after that fifth year, his planet might still be alive and well. Unfortunately, Head Lush Idry went back to the Atlantic Vegas System for a sixth Vacation of Debauchery. Shortly afterwards, the Vidoins visited his planet and finished the job.

The Mand RacNally Corporation immediately offered the underwrite the cost of establishing a "Galactic Court for Race Name Conflict Resolution" (known as GalCouRaNaConRes, for short). Some of the more cynical galactic observers have suggested that Mand RacNally did this to avert attention from a lawsuit by the surviving Timidries. Whatever the reason, Mand RacNally's sponsorship meant the almost immediate creation of the court. As usual, the lawyers were the only group to actually profit from the formation of GalCouRaNaConRes. The best of them charged millions to represent a race before GalCouRaNaConRes. Most races considered this an exceedingly small cost compared to the outlay dictated by a loss at GalCouRaNaConRes. If a race lost the right to use its name, every piece of letterhead had to be reprinted, every business card changed, every book rewritten and every map redone. That cost ran into the trillions.

Rumors of impropriety at GalCouRaNaConRes soon began circulating. Mand RacNally always seemed to know, in advance, who would win the suit. In every case, a new Mand RacNally map would appear in the stores on the losing planet a mere twelve hours after an arbiter rendered a verdict. The best documented case of abuse came not from Mand RacNally, however, but from Galaxy-Way and Arbiter Oops Gavelnod.

On stardate 31324, lawyers argued "Tarellians vs. Tarellians" before Arbiter Bud Thlooszwir. The Tarellians (hereafter known as Tarellians A) were a dying race, infected by their own bio-genetically engineered virus (See "Haven"). The other Tarellians (hereafter known as Tarellians B) were a warlike race, vibrant and strong (See "Suddenly Human). During the closing statements, the Tarellian B lawyer argued masterfully that it was a waste of money for the Tarellian B people to change their name when the Tarellian A race was dying out anyway. He sited precedence from "Fimpla vs. Fimpla," "Nidstfo vs. Nidstfo" and "Zstadreinofrosmoi vs. Zstadreinofrosmoi." After listening to all sides, however, Arbiter Thlooszwir compassionately ruled in favor of the Tarellian A race. Tarellian B begrudgingly adopted the name "Talarian."

Two years later, the Altsians destroyed the last known Tarellian vessel. Immediately, the Talarians refiled for the name, 'Tarellian.' In fact, they made their request the day before the Altsians destroyed the last Tarellian vessel. (Surprisingly, no one has questioned the Talarians on this point) Since he didn't think any Tarellians still existed, Arbiter Bud Thlooszwir approved the Talarian request as his last act before retirement. The Talarians became Tarellians once again. (Interestingly, sources on Terelus 2 indicate that the newly renamed Tarellians never bothered to change any of their internal publications to "Talarian." They seemed to know they would soon be changing back).

The final chapter in this story began when the Enterprise came in contact with a Tarellian A vessel. After Dr. Wyatt Miller healed the last survivors, these Tarellians repetitioned to get their name back from the Tarellians who had become Talarians but recently changed back to Tarellians.

Incredibly, the Arbiter who inherited the case, Oops Gavelnod, ruled in favor of the eight survivors of Tarellian A race. Suspicion later increased when Arbiter Gavelnod suddenly resigned and declared he was becoming a representative for Galaxy-Way (See Short Answer Question #1). The Tarellian B lawyer appealed the ruling but the governing body of GalCouRaNaConRes determined that Arbiter Gavelnod's last ruling should stand so the Tarellians who had become Talarians but recently changed back to Tarellians became Talarians once again. (And, by the way, Mand RacNally reprinted and sold all the maps once again!).

All this confusion wreaks havoc in the mind of a starship captain. That's why Picard, in the episode, "Heart Of Glory," calls the Talarian vessel a Tarellian vessel.