Writer's Construction Kit

NCIEO Home Page (Map): Continuing Communications: Odds and Ends:

Note from Phil: I usually don't post stuff that comes to me through the great duplicator known as the Internet. ("So, who wrote this and how do I get in touch with them to get their permission to post it?" I ask. "I don't know," they reply, "I got it from a friend who got it from a friend who got it . . .") But, this is a very well done satirical piece. Satire needs an understanding of the target to be effective. It's obvious to me that Mark Stevens and Christoper Wood have spent their share of time watching Trek! (Last Update: June 12, 1997)

Latest Kit Modules from the Guild

PARAMOUNT PICTURES & MICROSOFT
PRESENT
THE
STAR TREK
WRITER'S CONSTRUCTION KIT
FOR WINDOWS 95

Announcing the launch of the latest version of TSTWCK, a 32-bit application specifically designed to take advantage of the new WINDOWS 95 operating system. With this plug-in module for WORD95 & MS WORKS, you can now create your very own scripts for submission to Paramount!

All the features of the previous version:

AutoTechnoBabble(TM)

If your scripts are too heavily weighted towards character development, or your plot threads are getting too complex, then simply drag an outline around the offending section of your script, click the spanner icon and hey-presto! Instant technobabble filler for your script! Who says EPS power taps and phased warp plasma relays can't be exciting?

Excitement Removal Wizard(TM)

It happens all the time. You've written a script full of dynamic action sequences and breathtaking battle scenes, only for Paramount to announce budget cuts for the next season. Just one click of the JeriTaylor icon(TM) allows you to remove these costly scenes, inserting tender one-on-one character-building dialogue sequences instead.

Character IntelliSense(TM)

Have you written a blockbusting script for your favourite Star Trek character, pushing them to their emotional limits in a tense, nail-biting and heart-stopping fashion, only to find that Paramount have assigned you a boring Neelix or Nog-based episode? Character IntelliSense(TM) allows you to instantly re-assign key scenes for the characters Paramount have selected for you. Just click and go!

Plus! New for WINDOWS 95:

Temporal Anomaly plug-in module(TM)

Is your script lacking that one important detail that would set it apart from all the others? With this new plug- in module, even you can write exciting scripts up to the lofty standards of Brannon Braga, Rick Berman and Ronald D. Moore. Use the new Anomaly-Mapping Wizard(TM), featuring over 6000 different types of anomaly texture on CD. Make your time-phased warp interloop conduit stand out from the crowd! As used in the first season of Voyager.

DollyTart mode(TM)

Is the current season suffering a massive ratings drop? Does your script lack that certain "pull" that other syndicated shows have in abundance? The new DollyTart mode will soon get the bums back in their seats by tarting up all the female characters in your script! High-heels? No problem. Dynasty wigs and shoulder pads? A mere mouse-click away! The STAR TREK WRITER'S CONSTRUCTION KIT lets YOU make the executive decisions on what's best for the characters of the show!

HoloWizard(TM)

We've all been there before. It's two days before your deadline and your script is still a complete blank. What to do for inspiration! Scratch your head no longer, for the new HoloWizard(TM) is here. Simply OCR a page or two from your favourite classic literary work and paste it into the HoloWizard(TM). Within seconds, you have the basic structure for a Holodeck-based episode designed to fit YOUR specifications! If you lack the ability to OCR pages, then don't fear. HoloWizard(TM) comes with a built-in AutoBard(TM) patch, featuring the complete works of William Shakespeare, Arthur Conan Doyle, Jane Austen, H. G. Wells, Joseph Conrad and the Bronte sisters! Look out for more AutoBard(TM) patches on various FTP sites.

Sim Alien(TM)

Specially designed by Maxis for the STAR TREK WRITER'S CONSTRUCTION KIT. Now you can play God with an entire DNA pool at your fingertips. Create your own race of militaristic bi-pedial aliens to terrify the Federation. After creating compound aliens with the DNA fragments of your choice, run the Lumps Editor(TM) to wrinkle the forehead, neck or nose of your new creation -- give your aliens that distinctive Star Trek touch!

AchillesHeel module(TM)

Are your race of Sim Alien baddies proving to be too tough? Does the crew of the Enterprise, Voyager and Deep Space Nine find themselves constantly at odds with the overwhelming might of your favourite military faction? Fear not! Simply click the 'Hugh' icon and your alien adversaries will be reduced to mere quivering sheep. Options include faction sub-splitting, elemental aversion (as pre-tested on Doctor Who's cybermen) and our patented Last-Minute-Unfeasible-Achilles-Heel-Revelation(TM).

Last minute addition!

Babylonian Gopher(TM)

Is your script lacking the dynamic range of drama, character development and pacing found in rival sci-fi shows? Is your season of Star Trek fading into obscurity, overshadowed by the quality of the competition? Then have no fear! The Babylonian Gopher(TM) will analyse every scene of every script in your current season and modify changes on a global level, implanting interlinking themes, fully-structured character development and ensuring that the story doesn't end when the credits roll.

TSTWCK, developed by Paramount Pictures and Microsoft (with a littlehelp from Mark Stevens & Christoper Wood).

And Now! Kit Extensions from the Guild:

NitpickNavigator(TM)
by Matt Cotnoir

Okay, you've finished you're great script, but are afraid to have it produced because you're afraid that it'll be ripped to shreds by that certain sub-culture of Star Trek fans, the Nitpickers Guild? Not to worry! You're problems are over with the new NitpickNavigator(TM)! Just one click will analyze your script for any plot inconsistencies, changed premises, and equipment oddities that these semi-crazed fans spend all day looking for.

The Worfanizer
by Wesley Neal

And now, a new add-on for the Writer's Kit! Do your episodes of Deep Space Nine lack that certain bloodlust? Are your viewers yearning for that old Next Gen magic? Do you disagree that the Klingons are being overused as a plot device and that Star Trek fans are fed up? Well, then this module is for you!! With a simple click of the Worf icon, you'll hear Worf's authentic Battle Growl(tm) as this amazing program totally re-writes a so-called "imaginative" script! Gone are plot, story, and character development! In are rewriting of Klingon history, needless fights between Worf and Klingons with really funky names like "Kimputz", and more! And if you act now, you'll receive the special bonus module, "Worflove"! This incredible little program will add new dimensions to your stories with just a click of an icon! One click, and you'll hear Worf's sexy "Love Growl"(tm), which means it's time for you know what! That's right! This add-on will have Worf making moves on any cast member you desire! Kira? No problem! Dax? No problem! Odo? Weird....BUT NO PROBLEM! No matter how improbable, Worf will come on to the cast member of your choice!

Titularis (TM)
by Daniel B. Case

Written a great episode but stuck for what to call it? Never fear. Titularis will save you the trouble of looking in obscure books of poetry for that telling, descriptive and evocative title by following one of three formats: a single abstract noun, a plural abstract noun or a "The [Something]." And there's more! The Advanced mode can even find some really obscure words like "parturition" and "cathexis." It even makes up words like "Symbiogenesis"!

ActorReuse (IDA) (TM)
by Jason Liu

ActorReuse will automatically find the roles in your story that can be filled by actors and extras who have already appeared and become famous on Star Trek. Time-honored tradition has shown that Marc Alaimo and Jerry Hardin make excellent aliens and secondary characters. Can't find the perfect actor to play a starship crewman? ActorReuse will fill those roles with such greats as Tim Russ or James Sloyan. There's no end to the possibilities!

GENERATIONS SHUTTLE 2370 (IDA) (TM)
by Benjamin Avner

I'm sure it's happened to you. How many times have you written a Voyager script and spent days trying to figure out how to destroy a shuttlecraft at some point? Well, your worries are over. GS2371 will automatically integrate the destruction of a shuttlecraft into any script you write! Now you'll never again have to worry about changing the plot to get a shuttle blown up. Write any episode you want! Also see our older models, Generations Runabout 2368 and Generations Redshirt 2276.

Alternate Civilization II (TM)
by Mike Ballway

Does your TNG plot need a special plot twist? Did Berman do something to a character in DS9 Episode 3 that wrecked your portrayal of that character in YOUR story? Do you think that Kim is just a bit TOO "yes, captain"-ey for your tastes? Roddenberry wrote that Starfleet Officers should never fight one another -- but what if following this rule would destroy the character conflict in your creation? Don't panic! Sid Meier has joined up with the Writer's Kit staff to produce the definitive Parallel Universe creation kit! With this bonus module, simply click on the "Evil Kira" icon and your sleepless nights wracking your brain for alternate character outcomes are over! Alt-Civ2 will search through its extensive database and supply the best Mirror Universe for your episode's needs!

Writer's Block Wizard (TM)
by Sean Corcoran

Having problems coming up with a tantalizing episode for "Star Trek?" Well, with the new "Writer's Block Wizard," you can boldly go where so many other writers have gone before! By simply clicking on the Temporal Anomaly button, you will be led step by step through the entire Trek writing process. There are four easy steps:

1)Choose from one of the seven basic plot ideas that have been used in the 300+ hours of "Star Trek" over the past 30 years(temporal anomaly, alternate timeline, shoot-em-up, political, environmental, etc.)...

2)Then decide whether or not you will write a "Deep Space Nine" or "Voyager" script...

3)Choose who will be the main character in your story...

4)Choose which character will be the center of the subplot...