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ASK THE CHIEF
2/27/98

(Also available from Starland mirror site)

First, some comments from previous columns . . .

Mike Cheyne: So you want to write the Bond guide, but the only reason is that "Dell doesn't think that Bond has a major following"?

So...write it. Write it on the Net. Close down "Ask the Chief" for a few months, and put out a small, not very large, no flashy graphics, and maybe just your input for the Bond series. If you want to.

Hey, if I had your nitpicking prowess, I might.

By the way, have you seen Plan 9 From Outer Space? A NITPICKER DREAM!

Phil: Haven't seen Plan 9 yet! And . . . the problem with writing things on the Net is that they don't make any money! (Unless it's porno.) I do still have to support my family and the day that this whole nitpicking stops supporting my family is the day I go get a programming job! (Unless I can sell some fiction and it does well.) But let's consider the proposal. What would happen if I used the time that I use to do Ask the Chief and put it into a Bond guide. Well, it takes me about two hours every Friday (if I'm lucky) to get the column done. There are 18 Bond movies. I would have to watch each four times to do it right. That's eight hours per movie. Then, the writing itself would easily consume another six hours per movie. So each movie would require about 14 hours of work and there are 18 movies! That's a project total of 252 hours (and it does not included proofing and editing or the creation of any sidebars). But let's round down to 250 hours. At two hours a pop every Friday, it would take me 125 Fridays to get the Bond Guide done! That's almost two and a half years if I take a couple of weeks off for Christmas! ;-) I say all this to hopefully illustrate that writing a Nitpicker's Guide is a lot of work and I really can't justify doing that work unless I have some way to get back some compensation for the investment of my time!

Ronald de Graaf of Groningen, the Netherlands: I'd also like to see the bond guide.

Phil: Forty-seven down!

Alex Smith: Personnaly, I like the Bond films and have liked them since I was a kid, but I HATE the newer ones. But, I guess you have to get the older ones too.:( B-movies might be ok, but I wouldn't do Z-grade movies like MST3K. I'm sorry to say this, but I think that it would be very hard to compete; MST has thousands of comments per movie, and it would be very hard to make a book of complete movie nits.

Phil: Have no fear. What I do and what MST3K does is fundamentally different. The movie guide I wanted to do would have given a nitpicking treatment to the B-movies. I merely mentioned MST3K because they do B-movies as well. Oh and Forty-eight down.

Dustin Westfall of Fullerton, CA: First, in response to the thread involving tachyon communications, there is a book called Timescape, by Gregory Benford. While I wouldn't say it's the best book I've ever read(he sometimes get so caught up in the science, you start to lose track of the story), it is a good book.

Phil: Honestly, "he sometimes get so caught up in the science, you start to lose track of the story," sound like a pretty fair description of much of the science-fiction I've read! ;-) Personally, I'm a story guy!

Terry Hulett: Trevor Ruppe writes that he thinks DSN should be cancelled and Voyager moved back to the Alpha quadrant. I don't know why he wants DSN cancelled; I want it to continue. And they could bring Voyager back to the Alpha quadrant without cancelling DSN - the two things are not related.

But I do agree with him that Voyager should be brought back to the Alpha quadrant. In my opinion, being isolated has always hampered the show (and set up many nitpicking opportunities of the 'they should be out of shuttlecraft by now' variety). However, I think the ego of the show's writers/producers will prevent them from doing this. They would see it as an admission of failure.

Trevor also says he think moving Voyager would be cheaper than a new all Klingon or Star Fleet Academy show. I don't follow this line of thought. Shouldn't a new show be cheaper because of cheaper actors?

Phil: Well . . . there is a high cost in sets and the Voyager sets are available and they are amortized over seven years (from what I understand!)

Dave Andrews: Should Voyager return?

Just to add my tuppence worth: Yes, it definitely should. If (as the comments from your US contibutors indicate) it's getting stale, bringing it back to the alpha quadrant should liven things up nicely. There are a lot of interesting issues to be resolved, like does Paris go back to jail? Should Chakotay go with him, and the rest of the Maquis also?

Also, a returned Voyager could give quite a different perspective on future history than the one we get from DS9, and maybe even show up in further movies...

While I'm on Voyager, I hate to say it, but having just seen the first two episodes of the latest season, I think the creators kind of cheated us. There was a build-up to the inevitable run-in with the Borg, and a good climax with "Scorpion", but afterwards, Kes shoving Voyager well clear of Borg space struck me as a serious cop-out.

Angela Wilson-McGrath: Thanks for the response, and you're right: FOX's timing was fortunate; Voyager is not alone out there and can't afford more time. I didn't mean people should watch something they don't like, just that if Voyager goes, Trek will be harder to sell the next time, at least to the small screen. No a show can't be rated, or ads sold, on potential, but as a VOY fan and a sci-fi fan, I see so many possibilities for this show, and somehow something internal to it's creation keeps getting in the way. It's like following a basketball team that keeps winning one, losing one, with close scores.

Phil: I agree. The show has great potential!

Kathy Schopp of St. Louis, MO: It's been awhile since I've written, but frankly its not been possible to nitpick since TV30 in St. Louis, yanked UPN programming here. I just checked today if people had written anything on this. Our local newspaper said our only hope here is to write UPN, no email, snail mail and reuqest that Voyager be made available separately from the other UPN shows in markets where there are not enough stations to air it. Somehow, I have very little faith in this. Voyager was just starting to maybe make some progress although at this time the best series is definitely DS9 which has really outdone itself the past 2 years but is nearing the end of the Paramount max of 7 years.

I don't expect that the local station gives too much anyway either since this past week they even dropped prgramming from there primary affiliate, ABC, now.

Scott McClenney: Bringing back Voyager to the Alpha Quadrant:do you think they could drop off the Robinsons while they were at it? I'm really not sure if this would work as well as just keeping them in the Delta Quadrant. Personally I'd love to see them do it as a 2 part finale to the series.

Dave Andrews: Incidentally, I don't know about the US, but the extended version of "Aliens" was available over here in VHS format - marketed as the "Special Edition". You get a bit more of Ripley on the space station, a whole section on the LV426 colony prior to destruction, and some cool combat scenes with automated sentries.

Eddie Marshall of Hampshire, UK: Just so that you know the extended version was released on UK video by fox video. I dont have the tape order number to hand but I do know that both PAL VHS and PAL laserdiscs where available, you could try the following contact addresses if you want to track it down further;

Fox Video
20th Century House
31-32 Soho Square,
London,
W1V 6AP

Ronald de Graafof Groningen, the Netherlands: I can say, that I bought Aliens in the widescreen editition on VHS and it features 17 minutes of footage that was not in the theatrical release (at least, not here in the Netherlands)... It is an English tape...FOX0073533. don't know if it is still available, it's been 4 years since I bought it.

Brian: Here how I see it:

98: Classic Vol.2 and/or Bond.
99: Star Wars and/or Babylon 5.
2000: Bug Hunt ( I hope) and/or Voyager.
2001: Deep Space Nine Vol. 2.
2002: ER

Richie Vest: You should do either a B5 Guide or a ST:Voyager Guide. However It should be noted for the record I will by any Guide you put out. I think you are a great writer.

Phil: Thanks for the kind words about the work!

Matthew Patterson: Okay, I believe that the novelization of ST:TMP COULD have been written by Alan Dean Foster under a pen name. In fact, the cover does say that it was base on a story by Alan Dean Foster. However, Star Trek Creator,the official, authorized biography of Gene Roddenberry contains a paragraph about the novelization. It clearly states on page 499 that "Gene wrote tha novelization and it was recieved warmly, appearing on the New York Times bestseller lis for 6 months." Following this is a letter from Robert A. Heinlen with comments about the novel. (By the way, he liked it a lot.)Unless my eyes are malfunctioning, Gene Roddenberry wrote it!

However, i do not think it should be accepted as canon because many things that appear in the novel were altered or did not show up at all in the movie. (I personally liked the novel a lot better, primarily because thewre weren't any looooooong shots of ship exteriors, and no cheesy synthesizer music.) And if we let this one in, we'd have to let in the novelizations of the NextGen episodes "Descent," "Relics," and "Unification," because they are a lot closer to the episodes, at least in terms of story and characters and scenes and stuff. (Well, except for "Relics.) And if we let those in, where does it end?Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble on for a paragraph about all this stuff. I hope this clears up some things.

Phil: As far as I know the only novelization that is canonical in the Trek universe is "Mosaic" by Jeri Taylor.

Allan W. Fix: Well, I'm glad we're getting some independent confirmation of the image. If you recall, I believe I was the first person to notice the hidden pictures. I never thought of taking a frame count before, so here's some more info that may help.

First, the smaller the TV screen size, the better. I think it may be easier to see if recorded at EP speed rather than SP speed. Even squinting your eyes may help.

NOTE: these frame counts were done at SP speed, your VCR may vary! One frame after the comet goes off screen, you can see the outline of half of Kirk's face dead center on the screen. As you pointed out before, Spock can be seen about 13-15 frames. If you advance to frame numbers 76-80, a good image of UHURA begins to come into view. She is sitting at her console, arm extended, and the bright patches of stars/dust is the instrument panel on either side of her body. Good luck!

Phil: I do confirm that Allan was the first person to write me about the faces in the comet dust. In fact, he's the only who has ever seen them without being advised of their potential existence (as far as I know).

Jim Elek of Sterling Heights, MI: In the discussion of Darth Vader, Adam Howarter mentions "Sith monks" from "episode III 'Fall of the Republic'". It should be noted that the work known as "Fall of the Republic" is NOT "Episode III" of the Star Wars Saga. It is a piece of fan fiction that was falsely (and illegally) marketed by an aspiring writer as "Episode III" back in the mid-80s. It is undeniably non-canonical.

Terry Hulett: In reading your latest Ask The Chief column I wondered why Vader's position was a mystery. I see no conflict. In ANH Vader was under Tarkin, but then Tarkin died. In ESB and ROTJ Vader was in charge. So he moved up from No 3 to No 2! Case solved.

Additionally, in the film Tarkin says something to the effect that the goverenors will have direct control. Not we governors or the other governors. Outside of the films Tarkin is refered to as Grand Moff Tarkin. This implies that Tarkin is not a regular governor but above the rest of them. Supporting the idea that both Tarkin and Vader are above the sector governors.

John Myers: First off about Emperor Palpatine. Given the attitude of the Imperial officer in ANH, and to a extent Han, it fel like the Emperor had probably covered his extermination of the Jedi with a large amount of propaganda and "de-bunking" of their powers. (Also it was news to the woman in "Truce at Bakura" that the Emperor had been strong in the force.)

Besides it would give him a LOT of political advantage if nobody knew that he had force powers. If the other Senators had known that he could use the force to alter their opinions then they would be much more wary of private meetings. I have wondered though why, even years after her great deeds against the Empire when their luster would be fading, nobody seems worried about Leia using the force to influence other senior politicians.

Also if it was not widely know that the Emperor was a force-adept then anybody trying to assasinate him would have a nasty shock. Also if the Rebels had known that the Emperor could see the future (or known how clearly he could see it) then they may have been a bit more cautious in taking the bait at Endor.

Alex Smith: Just thought I'd throw in my two cents... I really enjoyed this episode. It was really great; I really enjoyed seeing the actors w/out makeup! The little things were also cool; "Odo" and "Quark" bickering, communist references, cops taking away the picture of the station then returning it... All of it was great.

The best line (I've got to make a WAV of this!)from Dax: "Ohhh! She's got a worm in her belly! Oh, that's disgustin'. That's interestin', but that's disgustin'."

Only character who didn't look out of place was Colm Meany, prob. becasue I've seen him in other films. Always writing stories about robots, eh? :)

Anyway, without droning on, I thought that this was one of the best episode I have seen in a while. I was worried when I saw last weeks preview ("Now Sisko now must conquer his worst enemy: racism."), but I'm glad I taped it.

Matthew Patterson: Joe Griffin keeps calling the wormhole aliens the Founders instead of the Prophets in his comments on "Far Beyond The Stars." The Founders, of course, are Odo's race, the ones who started the Dominion. (Hey, maybe some of them infiltrated the wormhole!)

Now for my comments on the episode. First of all, i think that this was the Prophets' way of punishing Sisko (and us). (Remember the end of "Sacrifice of Angels?") By showing us these "Sisko/Kira/Odo/Kai Winn/whoever is having visions" shows. NONE of the actors could play convincing humans (except for Avery Brooks (Sisko) and Rene Auberjonois (Odo).) Armin Shimerman (Quark) had an OK job, Michael Dorn (Worf) overdid it, Nana Visitor's (Kira) character reminded me too much of Kira, and Colm Meany (O'Brien), Terry Farrell (Dax), and Cirroc Lofton's (Jake) parts were just plain stupid. Oh, I forgot Alexander Siddig (Bashir). He was OK. So were all the other actors that I didn't mention that just had bit parts. I think the problem here was that all the actors had adapted so well to playing their particular characters that they couldn't play regular humans anymore! (It didn't help that the writing was so bad.) All I can say is I hope the Prophets decide that once was enough for Sisko and don't give him the visions again, because I just can't take it anymore!

Phil: Now, before anyone gets bents out of shape remember: Everyone has a right to their own opinions!

Desmond L. Warzel of Cranberry, PA: The guy that plays the Grand Nagus is semi-well-known character actor Wallace Shawn (little bald guy with a lisp). Wallace Shawn also played the neighbor of the 1980s "Cosby Show," plays a teacher in the show "Clueless" (no, I don't watch it), played the voice of the toy dinosaur in "Toy Story," and played an evil blackjack dealer in "Vegas Vacation." He is probably best well known for his portrayal of Vizzini in the 1987 Rob Reiner film "The Princess Bride," based on the outstanding fantasy novel by William Goldman. The movie also starred Cary Elwes, Robin Wright, Fred Savage, Peter Falk, Billy Crystal, Mandy Patinkin, and the late Andre the Giant. It holds its place as my personal favorite movie, beating out Star Wars, Star Trek and everything else!

Phil: I too love The Princess Bride. So many wonderful moments in that movie.

Murray Leeder: I was wondering what you thought of "Far and Distant Stars". Personally, I've heard it called everything from "DS9's best episode" to "existential nonsense". Personally, I thought it was good as a microcosm but fails to tie itself meaningfully to the DS9 universe. I've also heard complaints that its depiction of the 50s, however accurate, lacked a certain Roddenberryian light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel quality to it. What do you think?

Phil: I'm not sure what to think about the episode. It was fun seeing the actors out of make-up but . . . I don't know. I'm getting a bit weary of the "It All Happened In His Mind" gimmick. I still stand by my comments before the show aired that Classic Trek used sci-fi as a future setting to illustrate curent-day problems yet, DS9--when it wants to be relevant--resorts to regressing to our time frame. This seems too easy to me. I guess the episode really didn't "hit the moment" for me, either. Honestly--maybe it's because I'm trying to get some fiction publish--but Sisko's big tirade at the end just didn't move me. And as has already been mention, I do think the episode would have been stronger if it hadn't had any 24th century sections. Why not let us wonder if DS9 is all occuring in an African-American's writer's mind who lives in the 1950. See now, that I don't mind. I don't mind the entire television series taking place in someone else's mind but I do mind episodes taking place in a character's mind. I guess I just haven't felt like DS9 has really exploited its potential. I know that's nebulous and subjective but when I watch episodes like the last X-Files episode, "Bad Blood" I come away thinking, "Now that was well-done!. It opened with Mulder driving a stake through a teenager's heart--a teenager who was wearing fake vampire fangs! And . . . it wasn't a dream. And . . . it didn't just happen in Mulder's mind. It actually occured in the show and by the time the creators were done, everything turned out okay but for the first half of the show I'm thinking, "How are they going to get out of this?!" But, they did . . . in a very satisfying, fun, way.

John Latchem: Quark says gold is worthless in "Who Mourns for Morn?" Didn't he say "Gold is Good" in "Little Green Men" and weren't the Ferengi interesting in the gold in the combadges in "The Last Outpost?"

John Myers: Second Ferengi. Anybody remember the first Ferengi episode where one of them decks Commander Riker with one punch? Classic scene, Data holding a Ferengi at arms length by the furs says "Be Careful Commander, they are stronger than they.....look! (wince)". Based on that I have the feeling that Ferengis are strong for their size, can work-out and get very strong for their size, but like being underestimated as it gives them a decided advantage. They still mass a smaller amount though so can be thrown off, and around, if they jump on a Klingons back (Invasive Procedures). Has any non-Ferengi visited Ferenginar (that we've seen), they'd be more likely to comment if the gravity was higher.

Bob Canada: You mentioned in this week's column that you hadn't yet purchased the Enterprise blueprints--you might want to check out BDalton, if there's one in your town. Around Xmas, I wondered into mine, and they were selling them for only $7. That was in December though, but it wouldn't hurt to check. And yes, they are supposed to make Barbie & Ken as X-Files agents. But check out: http://www.toymania.com/news/toyfair98/xfiles.html to see photos of REAL X-Files toys!

Phil: I checked the footage of DS9's "Emissary," and Voyager's "Caretaker" and compared the ship sizes of the Enterprise-D and the Voyager. It's tough to tell because the shots are from slightly different angles but the ships do appear to be different sizes to me. However, Voyager only looks about half the size of the Enterprise and it seems like somewhere I read that Voyager was 1/4 the size of the Enteprise (but don't quote me!)

(Private note to Matt Dameron. Ya know, Matt. I just almost uploaded your nit about the closed captioning on Quantum Leap but the more I thought about it the more I was certain it was just a bit too far!)

Murray Leeder: All of Mulder's actions in "3" were very out of character. (allow a suspected murderer to shave him! Yeah right!) Maybe Scully-withdrawl syndrome fried his brain.

Rob van Hulst: Jacob Boxer asked last week how he can reach Paramount to complain about Voyager. On their Official Website, http://www.startrek.com/alt/startrek.asp, there is a button Communications, then Transmit Message, (then you have to agree not to submit stories or screenplays!), and then you can send a message. There is a dropdownlist which includes 'Voyager Show Comments'. They do not guarantee that you'll get an answer, but it's something at least.

Tom Smithyman: On the subject of Janeway and Chakotay entering each other's orbit.

Kate Mulgrew has consistenly said she does not wany her character and Chakotay to become an item. She feels it would cheapen her character and more importantly, her position as character. In fact, Mulgrew would seem to be happy if Janeway remains chaste throughout the series. (Sister Mary Kathryn?) I recall reading once that she said IF Janeway ever sets her tractor beam on someone, it would have to really mean something. So much for the Jim Kirk days.

Angela Wilson-McGrath: As for the Chakotay/Janeway relationship, seen the recent episode "Prey"? Janeway is no longer engaged and since Chakotay has professed his love for her . . . well, "There's plenty of time." As they said. At the conventions this is a hot topic. The crowd has said all along that it's so unrealistic that nothing would happen. So what does everyone think?

Phil: I was going to look this up but I've got my tape loaned out at the moment! Sorry!

On to the questions . . .

John Latchem: Do you have the address to send in the certificate from the new Star Trek Encyclopedia to get the Enterprise Blueprints? The adhesive was a little too strong on mine and some key areas are unreadable.

Phil: I don't but maybe someone in the Guild does? Anybody?

Eric Brasure: Do you know which one of the actors on TNG was in the seminary for a time? I believe it was Patrick Stewart, but I'm not entirely sure.

Phil: Couldn't tell ya. I'm not really that versed on the private lives of the actors!

Mike Wilson: Why is O' Brien the only NCO we see on DS9 and what exactly is his rank? Chief Petty Officer is something like an E-7 in the army, (platoon Sergeant or Sergeant First class) and while that makes him a senior ranking NCO (by our standards today, and realize I'm mainly talking army {I am a soldier} wasn't he supposed to have promoted to ensign upon his reassignment to DS9? Maybe some folks out there with naval experience can help me out. I know its not reality but sometimes its more of a stretch than i can believe when they have O'Brien or one of the officers doing maintenance that you would think would be carried out by lower ranking personnel. Let me put it this way...my boss is a Sergeant First Class the naval equivalent to a chief petty officer...of course he knows how to do his job but if we had a dangerous situation like a warp breach do you think he's going to go into a jeffries tube and fix it? Do you think my lieutenant is? Thats why I'm there! Thats why I have soldiers! They do it, I supervise and the NCOIC (Non Commissioned Officer In Charge) and /or Officer supervises me and checks to make sure the job is done. correctly! I'll admit thats not a good analogy, but I just wonder why the officers are always putting themselves in these positions of mortal danger and you never see a lower enlisted character unless they are about to get killed like in DS9's "The Ship". I'm ranting now, so I'll stop....even though I do have more to say.

Phil: I'm with you! Trek seems to be sorely lacking when it comes to the "little people" who normally do the work!

Mike Deeds: You have often stated that the ratings for Voyager are too low to interest Dell in a Nitpicker's Guide. How were the ratings high enough for DS9 to interest them? The DS9 producers constantly joke that they hope that the 8 or 9 people who watch enjoy the show. I'm a DS9 fan but I have to admit that it doesn't (and never has) received the same amount of attention as Next Gen. So, basically, my question is: How did you interest Dell in a DS9 Nitpicker's Guide?

Phil: Truth be told, a good deal of the hesitancy in doing a Voyager Guide is because of the DS9 Guide! We were all hoping that the Trek franchise was strong enough to generate interest in the Guide despite the show's less than spectacular ratings. And, it was a calculated gamble. You might recall that Worf appeared on the show at the beginning of the fourth season. I started writing the DS9 Guide at the beginning of the fourth season. We were all hoping that DS9 would ramp up at that point. But . . . it didn't! Now, sales of the DS9 Guide have been okay. Dell made back their advance royalty but sales haven't been good. One of the wierd things about the publishing business is that its all run on subjectivity. For instance, if the marketing department at Dell doesn't really think much of DS9 then they don't put much effort into marketing a Guide for DS9. Likewise, if the bookstore managers don't really like DS9 they are slow to reorder once the stocks of the DS9 guide sell out. If the book isn't on the shelf, it can't sell. There is a general malaise about DS9 and it shows up not just in Nitpicker's Guides sales but in the sales of all DS9 merchandise. And there's no reason to suspect that Voyager will be any different. Other the hand, properties like X-Files, Xena, Star Wars are a completely different story! Those properties have a lot of market presence and that filters down into everything.

Dustin Westfall of Fullerton, CA: What do you think of sweeps month, so far? Specifically, DS9, Voyager, and the X-Files.

Phil: Well, I haven't been that impressed with the X-Files shows written by outside writers. They've been fine but I'd just as soon watch the work of the regular writers! DS9 and Voyager have been okay.

Shane Cathcart: Can anyone out there give me some information on Space: Above and Beyond? Why was it cancelled and how is the move to get it back on the air going?

Phil: It was cancelled for the same reason all the television shows are cancelled! ;-) Not enough people were watching! As to it coming back, I haven't heard.

Andrew Corcoran: PS Don't forget the comments in this week's "Ask The Chief" about [the variety of membership in the Nitpicker's Guild].

Phil: I don't maintain biographical data on Guild members so it's tough to give you an specific but the Nitpicker's Guild has a wide variety of members. I seem to recall members as young as eight and members old enough to be retires. We have doctors, lawyers, scientists, college students, high-school dn elementary students. On a celebratory note, I believe we've passed the 9000 letter mark (and that's snail mail!)

Have a great weekend, everybody!

If you would like to submit a question or comment, send it to: chief@nitcentral.com with "Ask the Chief" or "Question" in the Subject line. (Remember the legalese: Everything you submit becomes mine and you grant me the right to use your name in any future publication by me.)

Copyright 1998 by Phil Farrand. All rights reserved.